Zef Really Really Fucking Hates Alan Titchmarsh

Alan The Massive Tool So, Zef really fucking hates Alan Titchmarsh. And you wanna know why? Nothing to do with the fact that he looks like a weird cross between Cris de Burgh and Wade. No. Behold our digital conversation:

15:02 Zef: tell you what you don't want
to meet alan titschmarsh
he is a
PRRRRRRRICK
15:03 me: what's he done?
i met him
he was very in love with hiself
15:06 Zef: he's a very sad sexually deprived old gnome
15:07 me: you know this how?
Zef: he has a tv show
15:08 every episode guaranteed he'll show a picture of women in bikinis for any reaosn and then shamelessly gawp and make sexist jokes all the time
15:09 me: wow
he is odd
it has become his schtick since he won the Bad Sex Award all those years ago
15:10 Zef: whats that?
15:11 me: A literary prize for the worst sex scene in a novel
he won
famously
Zef: hahaha
amazing
me: when I worked for his PR firm that was
15:13 Zef:

Alan Titchmarsh Loves The Ass

me: HA!
his face!
priceless
15:14 Zef: Those images say it all really
15:15 me: True stories.
15:16 Zef:Wanna know the first time I knew I hated him?
trowel-and-error
me: I lolled.