The Wit And Wisdom Of Preston, The New King Of Twitter

preston TheSvenhunter just sent me this little lot, and swears that it's genuine. I just checked the account, and this awesome stuff does exist! If it really is Preston, he's the king of the world right now. Not only does Preston have the song of the year, (you think I joke!) he also seems to be the most entertaining person on Twitter. Peep game.

I'm picking up my 2cv next week! last time i drove it it broke down on the m25 and chantelle had to push it to a garage in high heels x

i'm supposed to be writing songs but i'm just watching videos of narwhals and then pausing to think about how awesome the are x

my cat has been licking my eyes open since 6am... ugh... i'm up you little pr*ck x

i got my hair cut and i look like a stupid onion head... i hate it x

I just did the best telly of my life with alex zane aka the coolest mofo on tv. There was a stage invasion in a boxing ring and I'm drunk. X

it is armageddon weather in brighton... i feel like putting on some really loud classical music and having a breakdown... it's like night x

i'm having to pay to keep my website renewed... i feel like mel c x

i'm doing a performance for rock corps tomorrow... i don't know much about it but i do know that i will be hung over x

depresston x

I want a pet double tusked narwhal x

my soup recipe requires me to heat the olive oil in a dutch oven. my bed will get all oily x

I had a where the wild things are dream last night... if the film is going to be anything like my dream then it has me naked at school x

Tidy flat. I'm sweating like a rapist after hoovering for 10 mins. X

Ouch. My life hurts. X

This is a crap tweet but I still get so excited walking in London. I feel like I'm in a movie. And I'm hugh grant. X

is moribundity a word? x

My followers just went down by 3... rubbish...x

Ok... work now... I'm writing toplines... give me some inspiration... I like 'solid gold' as a title... but it doesn't mean anything x

my friend adam just came round!! drinking is now social and not depressing... x

a guy on miami ink just said that god told him to get a pin up girl tattoo with angel wings... god has awful taste in tattoos x

glass number 1... notice the spelling and general coherence... this is like that experiment from the 60's with the LSD x

so bored and lonely... what are the rules on drinking alone? x

I'm going to exercise until i feel drunk x

i just got back from dropping abby at heathrow and i am so upset i almost sicked a little bit... is that normal!!? x

get heat magazine for pictures of my exclusive new tattoo x

I am starting my day off by watching Legend... Lilly is such a dick for touching that unicorn. Jack could do better. x

I just got my topics through... ooh and Konnie Huq is on x

I'm on the wright stuff tomorrow... i might storm off x

trying to write toplines.. every brief want's a new 'can't get you out of my head'... any suggestions? maybe 'please may you exit my mind' x

i like 'parklife' or 'shabba' for dog names... just so when you call him in the park it sounds like you are singing x

ooh.. also i am on soccer am tomorrow morning pretending to like football!! x why won't the idiots listen to sarah beeney?!!!! x

BONUS AWESOME: Mighty Hercules smashes planets together to the sound of Preston. POW!