"Saudi Arabia With Trees"

...is what A Old American Man (who was probably there at the preclamation of indespondence) called Russia on Newsnight tonight, with a view to reminding them of their place in the world. He also used the current political climate as an indication of the way things were to unfold in coming times. Namely:

Russia: invading people China: staging lavish parties

I did not care to learn this man's name, nor position. The first wouldn't interest me, the second would depress - or worse - afright me.

Nobody likes to see George Bush at times like these basking in the glow of legitimacy whilst issuing seemingly reasonable threats, or - tamer perhaps - lectures, aimed at the Russians, who definitely aren't under Putin's government at all by any stretch of your vivid imagination.

John McCain was also overheard briefly (by your cunning commentator) pointing out, irrelevantly, that Georgia was one of the first countries to establish Christianity as it's number one favourite religion. Yeah, nice use of Wikipedia mate.

Obama and Cameron are probably too busy exchanging muffled bootlegs of Easterhouse gigs from eighties Glasgow, while nobody gives a flying fuck what Gordon Brown's up to, as usual.

Later on Newsnight a genuine Russian (with a reptilian face and eyes like a Hammerhead Shark) was interviewed and Kirsty Wark spent half the interview talking at the same time as him in an equally foul alien tongue, leaving him just enough time to dismiss the BBC video footage of tanks speeding towards the Georgian capital as "propaganda". You don't fucking say!

Anyway, Katie Melua - the second most famous Georgian ever - also had something to say earlier today, but you'll forgive me if I couldn't be bothered to memorise that either, nor indeed link you to anything in any way rleevant to this ill-informed and confused post.

There was... just... one... thing: I thought I ought to direct your amazéd gazés to my own foreboding post following Kosovo's advent to semi-realised nationhood earlier this year. (Here.)

You'll see I basically predicted an uprising in South Osetia (fourth flag down on the predictably unpopular 'Recognise That Rogue State' game) about six months ago. If anybody wishes to employ me as an 'expert', to appear on, for example, Question Time, I will be waiting by my phone.

I will now soothe my apocalyptic pulse with a glass of Shiraz and a spin of Katie Melua's exquisite latest, 'Pictures'.

And all will be well:

"And if the lights go out on all of us in just a year or two / And if the sky falls down like pouring rain, then I'll be here with you."

I am, of course, singing to my glass of Shiraz.

From The Svenhunter