Ants Have Taken Over The World. Crap.

12 Oh crap. I knew this was going to happen.

Ants have taken over the word.

TAKEN. Not "are taking".

Have taken.

According to the BBC, a "single mega-colony of ants has colonised much of the world... Argentine ants living in vast numbers across Europe, the US and Japan belong to the same inter-related colony, and will refuse to fight one another. The colony may be the largest of its type ever known for any insect species, and could rival humans in the scale of its world domination."

ARGH!

Anyway, whaddya mean they won't fight each other? They're frickin' ants!

"Argentine ants (Linepithema humile)," says The BBC, "were once native to South America. But people have unintentionally introduced the ants to all continents except Antarctica. [Presumably that's their endgame] These introduced Argentine ants are renowned for forming large colonies, and for becoming a significant pest, attacking native animals and crops. In Europe, one vast colony of Argentine ants is thought to stretch for 6,000km (3,700 miles) along the Mediterranean coast, while another in the US, known as the "Californian large", extends over 900km (560 miles) along the coast of California. A third huge colony exists on the west coast of Japan."

IESU GRIST!!!!!!!

3,700 miles of THE SAME FRICKIN' ANT!

My soul is chilled. Back to the story:

While ants are usually highly territorial, those living within each super-colony are tolerant of one another, even if they live tens or hundreds of kilometres apart. Each super-colony, however, was thought to be quite distinct. But it now appears that billions of Argentine ants around the world all actually belong to one single global mega-colony... further experiments revealed the true extent of the insects' global ambition.

Global what? They're ants!

OH NO.

The team selected wild ants from the main European super-colony, from another smaller one called the Catalonian super-colony which lives on the Iberian coast, the Californian super-colony and from the super-colony in west Japan, as well as another in Kobe, Japan. They then matched up the ants in a series of one-on-one tests to see how aggressive individuals from different colonies would be to one another.

Ants from the smaller super-colonies were always aggressive to one another... But whenever ants from the main European and Californian super-colonies and those from the largest colony in Japan came into contact, they acted as if they were old friends. These ants rubbed antennae with one another and never became aggressive or tried to avoid one another.

Oh you are taking the piss, right? Rubbing antenae? Hot crap? What happens as gravity changes and the air thickens? THEY WILL GROW TO THE SIZE OF COWS!

CRAP!

Picture that, excitable futurist. Thousands of miles of cow sized ants rubbing frickin' antennae!

And, typically...

It's all our fault.

...the irony is that it is us who likely created the ant mega-colony by initially transporting the insects around the world, and by continually introducing ants from the three continents to each other, ensuring the mega-colony continues to mingle.

"Humans created this great non-aggressive ant population," the researchers write.

SimpsonsHailAnts

Awesome. We have sealed our fates. BOW NOW TO YOUR NEW MASTERS EARTH PEOPLE! ADAM ANT WAS RIGHT ALL ALONG!