stephen hague

The Kill List Won

Good news! The washing machine is still working! Booya!

I also left the house, which was pretty fucking groovy. I went to visit Dr Stephen Hague in Rye, where he was pretending not to be having a birthday. He played me a bunch of music he's working on for a bunch of huge pop acts, and we watched a shitload of movies. I will review those that I can recal in a brief but hopefully informative fashion.

THE KILL LIST

Firstly, this is a movie it would be good to see without knowing anything about it at all, but it is worth seeing, so see it. Really that is all I will say because I wish to to spoil it for you. Don't read a review, don't read a comments section, shit, don't even read the credits.

If you have seen it, I will discolose what I think it's about in secret invisible writing:

The film shows a man going through "reconstruction", an initiation into a cult that employs mind control, blood sacrifice and child rape in its methods. It is an allegory about war, and the dehumanization of soliders who through ritual are turned into creatures capable of commenting the most gruesome acts imaginable, for whatever reason their masters choose to give. As a treatise on brainwashing and mind control it is also concerned with The Church, government, and contemporary Polite Society.

"Dehumainse yourself and face to bloodshed," as a wise man once said.

DRIVE

A not-much-saying Bob Deniro in Taxi driver impersonating freakazoid (Ryan Gosling) doing some fancy driving and creeping around after a married teenager, with occasional lashing of random ultraviolence, also featuring a frustratingly underused Bryan "Walter White" Cranston and Christina "Whoah Mamma" Hendricks, but a bit better than that sounds.

Midnight In Paris

90s UK sitcom Goodnight Sweetheart (in which a tragic beanpole played by Only Fools And Horses' Nicholas Lyndhurst) undergoing a midlife crisis accidentally discovers a time portal to 1940s London, where he embarks upon an affair with a barmaid and befriends Noel Coward) set in paris, starring Owen Wilson and written by Woody Allen, and a lot better than that sounds.

Crazy, Stupid Love

Middle aged Mr Bean-esque husband (The Office's Steve Carell) undergoing mid life crisis is dumped by his  wife (Julianne Moore) and is taught how to convince lots of young women to have sex with him by a creepy young sex criminal (Ryan Gosling from Drive again, playing a similar but slightly more conversational sociopath), while his son wanks over the babysitter and stalks slash harasses her to the point of what should surely be arrest or sectioning or something. There's also a weird and creepy (a theme here) plotline about a 16 year old lawyer with big eyes getting so upset about a guy she doesn't even remotely give a shit about not proposing to her that she feels compelled to "bang the hot guy from the bar," which I suppose is a spoiler, but I am not in any shape or form suggesting you watch this weird crazy fest. It doesn't have much love in it, but is definitely deeply stupid.

MEANWHILE ON TWITTER!

Look at that follower count. Is 177777 the Number Of The Doof? Most decent people  would probably consider The Funny Racist to be an outrageous oxymoron, but such balls crazy anti-human lunacy in the face of common sense can be pretty fucking funny, in laughing at not with sort of a fashion. Big Narstie's favourite movies to watch concern racism, especially those starring skinheads, because he finds them deeply hilarious. His favourite at the moment is Made In Britain. "It's so funny fam. When he calls him 'wog' I nearly died."

Here's Narstie and my stuffed tiger engaging in some lighthearted banter. You're welcome.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xTj7DjLI8-s

 

PREORDER: We Wont' Be Broke Forever Baby ft. Gruff Rhys!

GLORY!

Yes brothers and sisters, the next single from my acclaimed second LP, The Life Equation will be We Won't Be Broke Forever ft. Gruff Rhys. That's the beautiful artwork up there, created entirely by ME and my Wacom DTF 520. The background pays tribute to the work of the mighty Pete Fowler, whose joyous images were as much a part of the the Super Furry Animals' allure to the teenage me as the music itself.

Included in the single package is a stunning and transcendent remix from dan le sac. The video for Broke is directed by Aaron Shrimpton, and is the third part of The Life Equation Trilogy that started with Nothing Lasts Forever.

Broke comes out on February 27th on digital download and limited edition radio promo CD. You will also be able to buy similarly limited edition prints and canvases of the artwork to put on your wall and brighten up your home.

Preorder now!

MP3 - £3.99 FLAC - £3.99 CD (Plus download) - £5 8" x 8" Print (comes signed with download & CD) - £10 6" x 6" Framed canvas (comes signed with download & CD) - £25 Broke Bundle (everything!) -  £30

PRESS RELEASE:

SINGLE Akira The Don - We Won't Be Broke Forever Baby ft Gruff Rhys Out February 27th on Living In The Future

We Won't Be Broke Forever Baby is the euphoric new single from Akira The Don. Featuring Gruff Rhys (Super Furry Animals, Neon Neon) and produced by synth pop pioneer Stephen Hague (New Order, Pet Shop Boys, Blur), Broke is already getting radio play (Radio 1, 6 Music, record of the week on Awesome Radio) without having actually gone to radio yet, because it is a beautiful and inspirational anthem for our times.

The single bundle includes a sleek and Kirbyesque dan le sac remix that sounds like venus, and the instrumental, replete with personally approved Dollar sample.

The video, part three of Akira's acclaimed The Life Equation Trilogy, is directed by Aaron Shrimpton (Scroobius Pip, Beardyman, B Dolan), co-stars Gruff Rhys, Envy and Eddie Argos (Art Brut, Everybody Was In The French Resistance...Now), and drops on February 13th.

We Won't Be Broke Forever Baby is taken from Akira's second album, The Life Equation, which will receive a nationwide physical release on March 5th. Praise for The Life Equation:

  • "Brilliant" - Grant Morrison (Batman, The Invisibles)
  • "Spectacular... A real slap upside the head" - The 404
  • "Glorious" - Subba Cultcha
  • "The urgent and danceable truth" - Jeff Wells (Rigorous Intuition)
  • "Triumphant" - Sun On The Sand

For more information, visit the best artist website in the world: http://www.akirathedon.com, or follow Akira on Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/akirathedon

http://youtu.be/Z9_aPh9NY2o

Holly Sellors Is a Great Artist Huh?

No time to write anything brilliant and urgent today, despite the terrorist "Universal Music Group"'s continued reign of terror, as I am off to Camden to meet Stephen Hague and discuss my third album and a special project we might be working on, so it's lucky that Brighton based painter Holly Sellors sent me this beautiful work of art. Look at the beautiful work of art! Look at all those mes! It's called We're All Clones, I think. I particularly like the way all their heads start to resemble that Joy Division LP after a few seconds of gazing. Word to Mickey Mouse.

Oh, and I got this in the mail too:

Dear Akira The Don,

I love " Nothing Lasts Forever".......and after you posted the acapella (again....i missed it the first time !) ,i had to do the version thats been rattling around in head over the past few months. Have a listen mate....and if you ever want to take on the "Country Pop" demographic .....then it might be of some use : / ?? Peace...Respect....and keep doing what your doing,

A Fan,

Martin

Akira The Don ft. Envy - Nothing Lasts Forever (NY85 REMIX) by NY85

How about that then? At first I thought it wasn't going to work at all... yet somehow, it did... especially the rap parts. Thank you Martin.

And of course, if you want to try your hand at a remix, here's that list of acapellas I've been throwing up that still doesn't have an official home...

PAX!

DOWNLOAD: Akira The Don – Evangelion ft Pixel & Marvin The Martian Acapella 140 DOWNLOAD: Akira The Don – Fist of The North Star ft Littles Acapella DOWNLOAD: Akira The Don – We Won’t Be Broke Forever Baby ft Gruff Rhys Acapella DOWNLOAD: Akira The Don – I Am not Dead YEAH Acapella 105 DOWNLOAD: Akira The Don – Nothing Lasts Forever ft Envy Acapella 105 DOWNLOAD: Akira The Don – Video Highway Acapella DOWNLOAD: Akira The Don – We Are Not Alone Acapella 125

PS:

Akira The Don - Video Highway (Official Video)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vj2ALFGwuW8 Click here to cop the Video highway single bundle!~

Last time around we left Akira The Don sat on a curb, Envy having left his broke ass over money arguments, peering up into the window of a car, a car whose occupants offered a chance of money...

Yes! Following on from the heartbreaking Nothing Lasts Forever, I give you the thrilling second installment of The Life Equation Trilogy:

VIDEO HIGHWAY!

It's a 200MPH crime spree with me, Akira The Don, at the wheel, featuring star turns from Littles, Jeres, Acid Cad Tom, Mr Lacey, world renowned comic book smuggler and Art Brut frontman Eddie Argos, and celebrated fteishwear designer and Turbo Gangstress Nina Kate! Shot in glorious black and white in glamorous Essex by Mighty Tom Coles, directed and edited by Dr Aaron Shrimpton, with special effects and mastering from the legendary AK Donovan!

Please enjoy this fine release from Living In The Future and share it with all your friends and family! Especially your uncle, the getaway driver! He will be able to relate!

Keep it locked on akirathedon.com for the shocking conclusion of THE LIFE EQUATION TRILOGY! Part three, We Won't Be Broke Forever ft. Gruff Rhys is coming next month!

Video Highway is taken from my second LP, The Life Equation. It is a modern classic and you really should own it.

Buy on iTunes Buy in the Don Shop

VIDEO CREDITS:

Produced by Aaron Shrimpton & Akira The Don Directed by Aaron Shrimpton DOP - Thomas Coles 1st AD. - Thomas Hooke Make-Up - Ellie Burrows Playback - Benson Burrows Location Manager - Debbie Mcgrant Graphics, sound and additional science - Akira The Don Catering - Akira The Don

Starring: Akira The Don as Akira The Don Thomas Hooke as Acid Cad Tom Mr Lacey as Johan Twotears Eddie Argos as Eddie R. Boss, AKA The Kingpin Littles as OG Triple OG Envy as Envy Jeres as Nicholas Ritual Nina Kate as Mary Murder

A special thank you to Dylan, Son Of Coles for the car and Gemma Langley, Lady of Coles for letting us fill their house with refreshers and monopoly money.

 

ADVENT 8: Akira The Don ft. Envy - Nothing Lasts Forever (Official Video)

http://youtu.be/tXaiMwuIuO4 It's back!

After a week of insanity, Nothing Lasts Forever, the greatest live action video I have done, is back, and even better. The synch issues are sorted, there are TV style censor beeps over Envy's foul mouth, and the music at the end is different, and more appropriate. If only you knew, dear reader, the trials and tribulations we went through to get you this work of art. The rage. The anguish. The trip to Essex. The hours on the phone. The days in Premiere Pro. The 23 separate upload tests to my Youtube account.

But it's up there now, and it's beautiful. So please share it far and wide and let us know what you think in the comments, as that is today's currency and radio people will be looking at it next week, and apparently they only hitch their wagons to popular posts right now. AND THIS THING SOUNDS LIKE A CHRISTMAS NUMBER ONE TO ME GODDAMNIT!

Amen.

Details:

iTunes: http://bit.ly/tfyitm CD: http://bit.ly/te64TX FLAC: http://bit.ly/sQqrAQ MP3: http://bit.ly/u5AL6M

FREE DOWNLOAD of the RADIO EDIT: http://bit.ly/vctZXZ

AKIRA THE DON

OFFICIAL: http://www.akirathedon.com SHOP: http://www.akirathedon.com/shop TWITTER; http://www.twitter.com/akirathedon FACEBOOK: http://www.facebook.com/akirathedon

Nothing Lasts Forever was performed by @akirathedon & @envysays. Taken from the album of the year, THE LFIE EQUATION: http://bit.ly/kojy8O

Produced by Stephen Hague & Akira The Don

The video was directed by @aaronshrimpton

VIDEO CREDITS:

Produced by Aaron Shrimpton & Akira The Don Directed by Aaron Shrimpton DOP - Thomas Coles B - Camera - Jonny Ruff 1st AD. - Thomas Hooke Make-Up - Ellie Burrows Playback - Benson Burrows Location Manager - Debbie Mcgrant Graphics, sound and additional science - Akira The Don Catering - Akira The Don

Starring: - Akira The Don as Akira The Don - Envy as Envy - Aaron Shrimpton as Aaron Shrimpton - Thomas Coles as Daddy C D.O.P - Jonny Ruff as Jonny "hoodied camera dude" Ruff - Thomas Hooke as Fake Sound recordist & Big Narstie Henchman replacement - Charlotte Don as Interviewer - Jeres as bohemian agent - Mr Lacey as Mr Lacey Henchman

Big thanks to the to the awesome crumbling flats in the background (RIP) and of course Ben & Debbie for the wonderful flat.

We Won't Be Broke! We Won't Be Broke!

Look, I made a nice gif thing for my song about not being broke forever (fitting, since I'm doing my For Richer For Poorer on Friday)! I made it for a Youtube listening post for the song, which you can see below. The thing goes in time to the song, even when it speeds up half way through, which is yet another example of why my listening posts OWN everyone elses. IN YOUR FACE EVERYONE ELSE!

Anyway, I've made the listening post because my buddy Big Dave Lorry is going to send the song to some radio people, so they can play it on their shows, and you know how people love to find things on outube in these bright days.

Charlotte played the song this morning while she was getting ready for work and I was half-sleeping and dreaming about setting my alarm wrong and being late for my wedding (ha!), and it really is an amazing record. High five me and Gruff and Stephen, we the beeeeeeeeeest!

If you haven't copped it yet, The Life Equation is out now, in this beautiful digital world, and you can cop a CD exclusively right here ahead of its shop release at the end of Summer.

Now I am going to get back to Le Preparations.

PAX!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z9_aPh9NY2o

TONIGHT! THE LIFE EQUATION LAUNCH PARTY!

Dear friends!

I am just back off tour and sobbing at the sight of my inbox, but never mind that because WE ARE HAVING A PARTY TONIGHT!

Because parties are awesome. And my album just came out, and it is amazing. And it is imperative that we celebrate the crap out of that fact.

YES!

We will be partying hard in the honour of THE LIFE EQUATION from 7pm tonight, June 2nd at Concrete, which is underneath Pizza East on Shoreditch High Street.

All star DJs include

Eddy Temple-Morris! Stephen Hague! DJ Jack Nimble! Joey2tits! Blonde Jeremy!

Performing live on the night will be

Akira The Don! Envy! Big Narstie! Marvin The Martian! Pixel! Littles! The Indelicates! White Witches!

Blimey! What fun we will have! The thing kicks off at 7pm and not a second will be wasted. We are gonna film the whole thing too and make a movie. So be there or be full of sadness! THE LIFE EQUATION FOR THE ULTIMATE VICTORY!

Get your tickets here.

Facebook page is here.

WATCH: Akira The Don - We Are Not Alone

http://youtu.be/IXp1Eumu5Rk Brothers and sisters! It is my overwhelming pleasure to present to you, the

WE ARE NOT ALONE VIDEO!

It debuted on AOL today. It is a thing of great beauty, drawn, animated and created by Canadian superman Jorden Oliwa of No Dice Inc. I did some editing on it, but it was mostly that droog. He is amazing. This video is amazing. We are all amazing. GO US!

We Are Not Alone is taken from my second LP, The Life Equation, produced by Stephen Hague and me, Akira The Don.

Buy in the Don Shop Buy on iTunes

The Tour The Tour Day Five: Bournemouth

The day before The Life Equation came out, we were in Bournemouth. I don’t think I’ve ever been to Bournemouth. It was a beautiful day. I awoke in my own bed, with my own woman, and stepped into my own shower. She made us hash browns and eggs, and I showed her how to make the pages that make-up an album post. I finished the end of the We Are Not Alone video, and set it to render, bid my beautiful angel a fond farewell, then Damien and Jack and I set off into the great unknown that was The Second Leg of The Tour The Tour.

Days stop meaning the same thing they do at home when you’re on tour, and someone had to tell me it was Sunday, to explain the eerie calm that blanketed the beautiful seaside town of Bournemouth as we tore into town, scattering seagulls in our merry wake. I must have seen less than a dozen people in my first hour there. We ate falafel in a café opposite the venue while the brothers that ran the place engaged in full blown war, and some girls who were at the Winchester show came over and showed us an excellent drawing one of them had done of Lars, Science, Chris and I.

We have met so many excellent individuals on this trip so far.

In Wimbledon, we had walked onstage to 170 people, amped up and ready to party, many of whom knew all the words and were insistent on moshing, despite having broken legs and what have you. Tonight, we walked down some creaky wooden stairs into a small room with seven people in it, (including my brother Alex an his heavily pregnant fiancé) the stage of which could be seen from upstairs on a soundless flat screen, so I got someone to throw a bottle at my head, threw myself to the ground, and demanded those present pretend to kick the crap out of me, so the people upstairs would see it on the flat screen and come downstairs.

Which, of course, they did. And we taught them to sing Thanks For All The AIDS, which they did, with gusto, and I took a phone call from my Mum and got them to say “HI MUM”, which they did, with gusto, and we did BOOM and Jack remembered 77% of his words and we did Living In The Future with Lars and he remembered 92% of his words which was the best ratio yet, and once we were done the room was packed and everybody was having a smashing time, which meant we had DONE OUR JOBS, and we were proud of ourselves.

We’d already lost David, who had a prior engagement in London at the Pirates Of The Caribbean premier or something, and Damien was having to leave us to go and look after his poor ailing cat, so we had no idea how we were going to get to Exeter. Then my Mum rang and offered to take the day off of work to drive us, as a birthday present. What LUCKY MUD, I thought.

Chris held it down like always. Science kept getting electric shocks off the mike, but persevered and triumphed over the thing. He gets better every day. Jersey John too. He is probably the best rap drummer I have ever come across. One man and a click track for over an hour, and he never misses a beat. Meanwhile Lars gave his best performance yet. My respect for that boy grows daily. He is motherfucking Pro Feshun ALL, but when he goes off script, at the behest of some enthusiastic audience member, he is even better. We did Falling Apart together and the place went off. He did an impromptu freestyle and the place went off, back in, and off again.

Jack and I got back to the Travelodge at 12:00. My album was out, and it was my birthday. I felt very clam. Jack and I had a walk along the clifftops overlooking the ocean, remarking upon our good fortune and burning a joint a friend gave me at Wimbedon. We then returned to our lodgings, where Jack went to sleep, and I sat up getting the various website posts I have to make when I release something together. Charlotte had helped me a great deal by doing most of the individual track ages. Charlotte always helps me, and always has. I am so lucky.

By 4am or so, I had finished, so I put my jacket on, and walked out of the hotel. It was a beautiful night. There was a full moon, or close. It reflected in the sea, lighting up the whole bay. I walked down the cliff side, along the famous Bournemouth zig zag, for the ten minutes or so it took to get to the beach. The waves cracked and roared, as they fled the shore, and I followed them until the sand was were wet, and the trainers I bought for £15 in Swindon were wet, and I stood in the sea in the night and looked out into its vastness and felt a great peace, and gratitude, and grace.

I stood there for a while. I never stop. So I stopped.

5 years it took to get to this point. 5 years plus all the ones that came before. So much joy, so much pain, and now, as the record me and Stephen put all our love and care and heart and skill into finally started to bleed out into the world, I was standing in the sea under a full moon, with the waves crashing around me, in a town I’d never been to, and I was happy.

I didn’t decide I would write THE LIFE EQUATION in massive letters in the sand. I just found that I was doing it, dragging my new shoe in the sand like a prosthetic limb, up and down the shore. By the time I’d finished, the sun was coming out. I think the tide was thinking about coming back in. I looked behind me, and a small audience had gathered, up on the cliffs. I didn’t wave, but I smiled at them. I walked the length of my handiwork, and found it to be Good.

By the time I got back up the cliff, the tide was lapping at the letters, and the sand was mixing with the water. By the time I finally found sleep, the letters were of the water, sand and dirt mingling with the ocean.

And so was born The Life Equation.

Hello Hydref!

Observing the Alien Landing Pod, by C Whewell

Last week the forces on high were good enough to bless those of us that reside on this funny little rock called Grayte Brrr with one last week of sunshine, before the season the Welsh call Hydref kicked in proper, and for that I thank them. It was a lovely send off, and whilst I did spend most of it sat on a chair staring at a pair of glowing monitors, I did get outside a little, and I loved every second of it. The dark is creeping in, and we're going to have to start shutting the kitchen window at night, bit I am not sad, for the first year perhaps ever. I am excited about this new season. I am going to work with it, like ladies are supposed to with their periodicals. It is a brave and a bold experiment, and I shall let you know how I get on.

I think the key to seasonal harmony is celebration, which is probably why those flipping pagans managed to have such a grand old time despite not having any electricity of central heating. Today I celebrate the death of Summer, and I do so by living my life, happily, getting up at a relatively reasonable hour, enjoying a fine breakfast and luncheon in the company of a white-hot ladything, and engaging in rewarding work pursuits. I will have a think about some other ways also. Have you any great ideas?

I bet Calvin does. In fact, I know he does. I was re-reading that treasury last season...

*googles

Ooh, here's one.

Haha. That was so me every year prior to this. Let's see how long I hold up.

So, I had a great weekend, thanks. I did an awful lot of work with young Zef on AkiraTheDon 5.0, and half-watched an awful lot of The Inbetweeners, which is resolutely brilliant. Me and the PPF went on a tour of the Olympic Park. We live right by the grounds of the 2012 Alien Landing - I can see two of the stadiums from my window - so it was nice to go beyond the gates for the first time since I followed that fucking fox and nearly broke my neck. My lord, they have done a lot of work. If I was an alien I'd definitely land there, and if I was a despotic government I'd definitely stage an alien landing there. It's perfect!

Welcome Back, Master Race! by C Whewell

I also went to my ole pal P Mo's 30th birthday do - there were an awful lot of them this weekend, for some reason or other, but I only have one set of drinking paws. P Mo's was a fine affair, and he got a Dog Of Fo, which seemed to make him deliriously happy. Someone got him a porcelain hand that carries drinks to the edge of the table then stops, and I made him a clock with himself in it, which I nearly broke falling upstairs running for a train. My mighty HANDS protected it though, with their flesh and their blood, some of which I sadly had to leave on the steps, along with shavings off of my ankle and knee. I have been getting an awful lot of injuries lately, along with my Better Fortune and Exciting Feelings, so I guess it is all part and parcel of the Samsonian Metamorphais I am currently involved in...

Oh, and I formatted my C drive and reinstalled my machine again. Well, started re-installing my machine again. Obviously it will take an age to get everything in place, but hopeful this time I won't install whatever it was that buggered up the last attempt. I am being methodical. You Mac mofos don't have to bother with this, do you? No, you don't. But being that smug all the time can't be healthy. So I do not envy you. Hell, Angry Birds is coming to Android, after all!

OK, I better go and post this video brief. I need lots of videos made all of a sudden. Who wants to make a video?

LUCKIEST MUD!

That is full of Whiskey and Coke. I have two of those mugs now. Amazing.

So what it was was, it got to Friday afternoon just gone (my birthday was on Sunday, right) and I hadn't sorted anything out at all. The previous night my Mum had come down to London and took me to a most delicious burger joint in Old Street, and I was very happy about that. Plus my girl had promised to take me to see Iron Man 2 on the Saturday. I'd been looking forward to that for ages. But serious, I'd been so deep in all that Street Fighter business (The Guardian just dropped something on the subject, actually... they called me a "UK hop hop artist". AMAZING!) that I just hadn't got round to sorting any kind of social action around my cotdanged 30th.

So late on Friday afternoon I cobbled together a little Facebook event, which kept going wrong - I had to click everyone I was inviting individually twice cos it crashed, and then I accidentally made it public anyway. Massive fail. By Saturday morning 4 people said they were coming to my hastily arranged afternoon in a pub, and one of them was me. Another was my girl who, true to her word, took me to see Iron Man 2. I enjoyed it thoroughly and felt very lucky to be eating mixed popcorn with chocolate and crisps in it with my beautiful girl in Leicester Square.

Afterwards we were supposed to be meeting BJ and Mika in Dalston, but they rang saying they were having trouble with their kid, and would we mind meeting them in the Hackney Pearl later? I was mildly miffed, and set about ringing people to see if they were going to come on Sunday. My Dad answered from some noisy-ass place, saying he was watching the football and telling me to bugger off. I out the phone down and was going to ring my brother Marek, until my girl told me to stop hassling my family and leave everybody alone. I had a little sulk.

As we approached the Pearl, I saw BJ's blonde mane through the window. "He's early!" I exclaimed, merrily. As we got closer, I saw another face I recognised on the other side of the bar. It was one of Charlotte's friends. "What a coincidence!" I thought, idiotically. Amazingly, I did not twig what was going on until I got right up to the window.

THE PLACE WAS RAMMED WITH MY FRIENDS!

My London friends! School friends I hadn't seen since I was at school! My old Crack Village buddies! My bandmates from over the ages! My old manager and record label boss and their families! My old man and my brothers! All manner of awesome people I love from all over the cotdang shop who'd never been in a room together! Even Stephen Hague and Dana came down from bloody Hastings! I was amazed and full of awe and tears!

And, of course, not long after I was full of booze, and making a big rambly speech and going, "wah! no one's ever done anything like this for me! Wah!"

Ben Offish checks his watch during my awesome and rambling speech

How lucky! Lucky lucky lucky mud! How happy was I! Just over a decade ago I was living in a squat and sleeping on a filthy old mattress! Now look at me! How sweet life is! I well up thinking about it. What wonderful friends I have. What great fortune. And I got the best girl in the whole wide world. You could run me over tomorrow and I could die happy cos I already lived an amazing life.

Yes. Anyway, the night was glorifull. Many of us ended up back at our little flat, which was pretty funny. It got covered in broken glass and Black Grape, which is a bugger to get off of one's keyboard, but it was worth it, obvs.

So, you'd have thought that was enough awesome for one birthday, right? Yes you would. And you'd have been right. But I didn't just get the best party, courtesy of the best girl, and the best friends... I got the BEST CAKE EVER:

Illest Cake Of All Time.

Lookit that thing. My MUM made that! BEST CAKE EVER!

Yezzir.

And the dope don't stop. The Street Fighter Mixtape continues to take over the world. It's done over 21,000 streams on Sound Cloud, over 5000 downloads on Usershare, and its embedded on around 100 websites, that I am aware of. The reaction has been beyond my humble expectations and I am overjoyed.

On Thursday my girl's Mum is flying us out to Malta. We're gonna get SUNSHINE. We might find a boat and film a Rick Ross-styled pop video. Or we might just hang out and have FUN for 4 days.

Speaking of which, last night me and Littles went down the Legion in Old Street to listen to Examples album. And eat free Nandos. Well, I ate free Nandos, Littles isn't feeling their chicken. You gotta worry about chickens whose wings have that much meat on. Those things look like Big Narstie's fists. Normal chickens don't have wings like that.

I wasn't feeling all the chicken bones on the floor in The Legion either, to be honest, but Example's album? That thing is a flipping straight up singles compilation, I cannot front for a second, on some Now That's What I Call Music Summer 2010 ish. Everything on it sounds big. The production is overboard. And I gotta say, my favourite stuff on there is the most pop, where Ex dispenses with rapping altogether and croons his big ole spiky head off.

Two years ago Example told me he was going to do this. Exactly, to the word. And he has. Dude envisaged, and created the whole thing. When The Beats collapsed he didn't sit around crying about how his label let him down, he didn't sit around waiting for someone to come along and do it for him. He made it happen. That's a beautiful thing, and, oh man, wait for it... an example to us all...

AAHAHAHAHAHA!

But it is true!

Dream it, and you can do it. Book them and they will come. Decide that you want to make music and draw comics and find true love, and that's yours, bubba.

Yes indeed. So again, thank you all, each and every one of you reading this. I'm the luckest mud in town. My life right now is exactly what I dreamed up all those years ago, when I was the angsty lil speckster in the middle of this:

Three decades of Don

POW!

And on that BOMBSHELL, lets play out this drop with the best audio moment of Saturday Night, and contender for the song of the YEAR...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GGXzlRoNtHU

Photos courtesy of James Harrison, Victoria Keeble and My Mum.

From Penmon To The Heart Of Hackney Gangland...

Well, I still have 765 unread, but email blasting is going OK, thanks for asking. Amidst the mountains of dead bodies there are a few gasping survivors with useful stories to tell. I just found an email from my brother sent a few weeks ago regarding my inclusion in Penmon's Wikipedia entry as its only noteable resident! I knew nothing of this, and it was a welcome surprise, until I read it, anyway:

Notable residents

  • Akira The Don, independent Pop and Hip-Hop musician, lived in the village for some time in his youth[44] and blames the "bleak and depressing" nature of the landscape for making him "a moodly little bugger".[sic][45]

I was all like, what? I don't remember saying that! Mind  you, it is close enough to the truth. Whilst beautiful, and interesting, and rammed with massive hills to roller-skate down and abandoned quarries to explore, Penmon could indeed be most bleak and depressing, especially since I was 14 or whatever, and had to walk 40 minutes to use a bloody phonebox and call my girlfriend, since my old man insisted on picking up the phone while I was on it and cackling like Zelda from Terrahawks. Anyway, point 44 up there reffers to a post from this very website, entitled "A Fucking Fruesli Bar!" in which I wrote:

I had a great holiday in Gogledd Cymru thanks. It was sunny and everything! Did lots of walking. Hardly touched the internets. Saw my Nan. Went to a beach. Bought ancient 19th century books with ill illustrations in them. Had a cake. Went past my old houses in Nantlle, Beaumaris AND Penmon. Nantlle was best. Fucking awesome place. Penmon is bleak and depressing. No wonder I was such a moodly little bugger.

Ah, yes. I remember now. That was the time my girl took me back to the old country for my Born Day. We went to Penmon on a grey, windy day, and she got well depressed by the place, refusing to get out of the car, as I recall. We also went to see Iron Man in Llandudno. Iron Man 2's out soon, right? Let's do it again! And every time an Iron Man movie is released forever! Yes!

Rah though, surely there's another noteable former Penmon resident in the world? Didn't some crappy novelist or poet live there once or something?

Ah, Penmon - a place considered so insignificant by Google its name isn't on their map, no matter HOW far you zoom in. Even Llangoed's on there, but no Penmon! Speaking of which, I lived in Llangoed too - I went to a primary school there, and climbed many tall trees, but no mention of that on Llangoed's woeful Wikipedia page. I might have to write a song about that time I picked up a condom in the playground thinking it was a balloon, then everyone decided I'd got AIDS. Happy days!

Anyway, speaking, as we were, of Google Maps, the same email correspondence linked me to a Google Map of Hackney's gangland! Check it out:

Now, me and my little brother Ali both live in the borough of Hackney, and neither of us had any idea we were walking through GTA-styled GANGLAND on the way to flipping Tescos. I also had no idea that My Favourite Place I Ever Lived In In London, De Beauvoir Town, was run by the De Beauvoir Man Dem! Woah! I never saw any Man Dem when I lived there! Just drunk Turks and old ladies!

Maybe The De Beauvoir Man Dem ARE a gang of Drunk Turks and Old Ladies. Why not?

What I wanna know is how Google knows all this stuff, and if anyone out there wants to join a gang with ME, just so we can get on Google Maps Gangs Directory. All we need is a dope name and a snazzy colour. I say we choose the colour RED, as in PROPER RED, not the crappy translucent washed out red The Stamford Hill Pirus are using. Yeah I said it! Your red is translucent and washed out! Whatcha gonna do now, eh?

That's what I thought.

Oh yeah, and for those of you that are keeping count, here's the latest progress on Ali's hunt for a Best Man:

It's a fix!

Knowing Me, Akira The Don, Knowing You, A-Ha. A-Ha!

aha STREAM: A-ha - You Wanted More (Stephen Hague Version)

Do you think if I say that when I meet A-ha this afternoon I'll get a slap?

Nah, me neither. Anyway, yeah, I'm linking A-Ha later for one of my world-famous rambling fireside chats. It should be interesting. We have much in common. We are pop geniuses, and we have shared a producer, in the enigmatic Stephen Hague (see below).

So! As ever, if you have any questions for the band, please leave them in the comments, and I shall see what I can do.

Safe!

AHA_NewsPics_12062001c

Akira The Don & Fiends: Dawn of The Don. Live at The Gaff, London, May 29th

Dawn of The Don Flyer

IT'S THE DAWN OF THE DON!

And it is confirmed - we're filming the stage and crowd shots for the forthcoming I Am Not Dead (YEAH) zombie-flick. So come in your finest undead garb - or just dress how you normally would and try not to get a chunk bitten out of your arm.

Book online now for guaranteed entry! Ticket comes with FREE shiny full colour A4 gig poster!

£5 per ticket plus £1 paypal/postage per transaction (ie, if you buy 50 tickets, the paypal/postage charge is still but £1)

SORRY, WHAT IS IT? A PARTY! Featuring a live set from Akira The Don & full band, playing classics and new songs from his forthcoming LP, The Life Equation.

WHO ELSE IS PLAYING? Playing BRAND NEW FUTURE HITS LIVE, we are proud to present to you

Marvin The Martian & Pixel

And playing awesome pop music from The 40s to The Now, we are proud to announce DJ sets from:

Stephen Hague Joey2Tits Blonde Jeremy Deacon Zombiehamster Kill Witnesses

Wowzers! WHERE? WHEN? The Gaff 382 Holloway Road, London, N7 6PN o20 7609 3063

Friday, May 29th 2009 7pm till late £6 on the door, or £5 with a flyer - click the image above to open a copy that's big enough to print!

Hastings, Part 456

Awed of I Did I tell you we're mastering The Life Equation on May 29th?

Well, we are.

So, I have been spending a lot of time at Dr Stephen Hague's elegant castle in Rye, Hastings, England, making final tweaks to the mixes, arranging the order in which those who choose to experience the album as a whole will, um, experience the album as a whole, painstakingly tweaking the interludes, that sort of thing.

The end is near, and as it approaches, I become excited, and a little sad, because this will never happen again. Never again will Stephen Hague and I get to know each other as we have, and make a this record - just like, never again, will I spend a year traversing the United States Of America, making an album called When We Were Young with Emile, Danny Saber, and dear James Brown. I miss those days, and I will miss these days, but I needn't, as they are happening still, for ever, and we have so much more to do.

Anyway. My beautiful girlfriend took some photos, and she is happy for me to share a few of them with you.

Enjoy your Friday night, please.

PAX!

Burger

Gross burger, X Files, joy.

Castell

Formidable location.

Dyna Ni

Dyna Ni Te!

Gweithio

Gweithio!

The Man

The Man Of The House relaxes.

Listening

Paying Attention With Ears

Super Happy Funtime

Super Happy Funtime