The Kill List Won

Good news! The washing machine is still working! Booya!

I also left the house, which was pretty fucking groovy. I went to visit Dr Stephen Hague in Rye, where he was pretending not to be having a birthday. He played me a bunch of music he's working on for a bunch of huge pop acts, and we watched a shitload of movies. I will review those that I can recal in a brief but hopefully informative fashion.


Firstly, this is a movie it would be good to see without knowing anything about it at all, but it is worth seeing, so see it. Really that is all I will say because I wish to to spoil it for you. Don't read a review, don't read a comments section, shit, don't even read the credits.

If you have seen it, I will discolose what I think it's about in secret invisible writing:

The film shows a man going through "reconstruction", an initiation into a cult that employs mind control, blood sacrifice and child rape in its methods. It is an allegory about war, and the dehumanization of soliders who through ritual are turned into creatures capable of commenting the most gruesome acts imaginable, for whatever reason their masters choose to give. As a treatise on brainwashing and mind control it is also concerned with The Church, government, and contemporary Polite Society.

"Dehumainse yourself and face to bloodshed," as a wise man once said.


A not-much-saying Bob Deniro in Taxi driver impersonating freakazoid (Ryan Gosling) doing some fancy driving and creeping around after a married teenager, with occasional lashing of random ultraviolence, also featuring a frustratingly underused Bryan "Walter White" Cranston and Christina "Whoah Mamma" Hendricks, but a bit better than that sounds.

Midnight In Paris

90s UK sitcom Goodnight Sweetheart (in which a tragic beanpole played by Only Fools And Horses' Nicholas Lyndhurst) undergoing a midlife crisis accidentally discovers a time portal to 1940s London, where he embarks upon an affair with a barmaid and befriends Noel Coward) set in paris, starring Owen Wilson and written by Woody Allen, and a lot better than that sounds.

Crazy, Stupid Love

Middle aged Mr Bean-esque husband (The Office's Steve Carell) undergoing mid life crisis is dumped by his  wife (Julianne Moore) and is taught how to convince lots of young women to have sex with him by a creepy young sex criminal (Ryan Gosling from Drive again, playing a similar but slightly more conversational sociopath), while his son wanks over the babysitter and stalks slash harasses her to the point of what should surely be arrest or sectioning or something. There's also a weird and creepy (a theme here) plotline about a 16 year old lawyer with big eyes getting so upset about a guy she doesn't even remotely give a shit about not proposing to her that she feels compelled to "bang the hot guy from the bar," which I suppose is a spoiler, but I am not in any shape or form suggesting you watch this weird crazy fest. It doesn't have much love in it, but is definitely deeply stupid.


Look at that follower count. Is 177777 the Number Of The Doof? Most decent people  would probably consider The Funny Racist to be an outrageous oxymoron, but such balls crazy anti-human lunacy in the face of common sense can be pretty fucking funny, in laughing at not with sort of a fashion. Big Narstie's favourite movies to watch concern racism, especially those starring skinheads, because he finds them deeply hilarious. His favourite at the moment is Made In Britain. "It's so funny fam. When he calls him 'wog' I nearly died."

Here's Narstie and my stuffed tiger engaging in some lighthearted banter. You're welcome.



Fools From A Distance


So, The Guardian published a typically misinformed article about "the death of hip-hop" last week, called "When Will Hip-hop Hurry up and die?" Having read many of those, I could smell its racist, classist, ignorant Wrongness a mile off, and lo I did shrug it away, like so much dandruff, until my guitarist Evil James Harrison turned up for rehearsal going, "did you read that article in The Guardian? It made some interesting points..." and I had to refute those "points" at length. Points like this:

"...judging by [hip-hop's] output in recent years, it’s become a deadening force: as a listening experience, but also as something that maintains a deadlock on the musical imagination (and personal ambitions) of Black American youth. I doubt very much that this demographic has no more surprises up its sleeves in terms of sound and style, judging by past form(s) (jazz, rhythm and blues, funk, house, et al ). But that New Thing won’t come until they tire of hip-hop themselves and turn against it."

I know, I know. Anyway, you'd think the foolishness of such statements might be self evident, but some people are deeply, deeply stupid, and not everybody's had the pleasure of listening to mixtapes by Pill and B.o.B in the past few weeks, let alone all the awesome hip-hop-slash-rap-stuff that came out in all the other weeks this year. And regarding that bollock-naked-drooling-mental other point, "black American youth" has created so many "New Things" post hip-hop that to list them would require more words than a hundred similarly clueless Guardian hacks chained to a hundred Apple Macs pumped with a hundred thousand milligrams of mid-nineties-strength speed could mash out in a year, cotdamnit, and anyway, we're not going to take his nonsense that seriously are we? No, we shall just put his witterings in some context: the man who wrote that silly little article about "the death of hip-hop" for The Guardian last week was one Simon Reynolds, who said of Biggie in his end of the 90s round-up:

The odd nifty catchphrase and deft rhyme, but c’mon, this man was a pig—Notorious P.I.G. more like; Piggy Smalls, heheheheh-and with a little help from his buddy Sean he almost singlehandedly set rap down its current path of spiritual bankruptcy. And he had the most unappetising vocal timbre in all of rap- asthmatic and adenoidal and mucus-bunged-up and fat-fuck wheezy all at once.

AHAHAHAHA! Thank you, Mr Reynolds, for the gift of laughter. In these dark days we can do with all the chuckles we can get, eh?

Thanks to Ich Lüge Bullets for the heads-up.

Peter Bagge On Ron Paul

peter bagge on ron paul One of my favourite cartoonists, Hate author Peter Bagge was doing some strips on the 2008 Primaries for Reason Magazine. I just saw his April 08 entry, which detailed the death of his support for Ron Paul, and this one time he was on the McCain press bus (and got billed $319.65 for the trouble).

Three months is a long time in politics, huh?

Me On Top Down Racism In The British Music Industry

Following the hysteria surrounding Bizzle's bottling at Download, I've written an article for The Quietus on the subject of top-down racism in the British music industry.


"Is The BBC The Enemy Of Hip Hop?"


Last week amongst the detritus thrown at UK rapper Lethal Bizzle by the audience at Download was a banana skin. Forget about this though - a bigger problem facing UK hip hop stars, argues rapper/writer Adam Narkiewicz is the media itself.

I love Editorial Intros. Just in case people don't actually read stuff mind, this is not me dissing the whole of the BBC. Some good people work there, and they know who they are. Anyway, go check out the article here.


NME To Rethink Stance on Racism?

A story by The Svenhunter lifted from Playlouder:

When cleaning out my inbox I wondered why I'd left a 'news story' with 'Morrissey' and 'racism' in the title undeleted.

Well, now I remember: The NME withdrew £75,000 in funding for the Love Music Hate Racism event in London in late April, and Morrissey stepped in, rallying his "management, booking agency, and promoters" to help make up most of the huge funding defecit.

The NME's reasons for pulling out are unclear. Morrissey's press seemed to suggest his own asociation with the event made things difficult for the magazine, what with ongoing court proceedings concerning the NME's botched and blunt hatchet job on Morrissey earlier this year. (Morrissey: "Love Music Hate Racism got in touch and explained that the NME had pulled support, possibly as a result of their association with me.")

However, most sources presume that it was simply a case of dwindling sales and lack of cash.

As far as I can see, the story failed to pique the interest of anybody except left wing bloggers. (Though please feel free to correct me.)

The NME has long maintained a naïve and annoyingly-vague left-wing stance on political issues, but perhaps this just doesn't cut it anymore? Given the recent election of naïve and annoyingly-vague right-wing mayor, Boris Johnson, not to mention the relatively huge success of the BNP candidate, Richard Barnbrook (now one of the 25 members of the London Assembly), when compared with Left List's Lindsay German, perhaps the NME could re-invent itself as a far right rock rag? If that's where the money is...

The LMHR Carnival took place as planned on Sunday 27th April 2008 in Victoria Park, East London, and was a huge success.

Incidentally, I attended the event, was offered (yes, offered) a fight by one person, was refused entry due to possession of non-branded alcohol which wasn't bought in the sponsors' expensive booze tents, and was amused to witness a topless reveler dusting his hands on the way out and proclaiming, "Well, that's racism dealt with."

The rain fell hard throughout.

I didn't go myself, even though I only live five minutes away, as I was editing videos. Anyway. As if NME has £75,000 to pay wages, let alone found festivals where - spit - colored folk who don't play White Man's Indie are appearing! Lolinger!

White Man's Burden

steven wells moby barry seal Did you hear the one about Noel Gallagher blaming Jay-Z for Glasto's slower-than usual ticket sales? "

I'm not having Hip Hop at Glastobury," he said. "It's wrong"

Me, I laughed quite a bit. Swells? He too. Dude also wrote a very funny and very correct article about the whole fiasco for the Quietus.

Sample text:

There is no racism - casual, institutional or overt - in indie music. If indie musicians state that English identity is threatened by immigration, that is not racist. And if indie fans talk about hip-hop in language reminiscent of that used by Adolf Hitler to describe Jews in Mein Kampf (”contamination”, “filth”, “disease”) that too isn’t racist. In fact to even suggest that it might be racist, is racist - racist against white males who just happen to despise black music and only like music made my white males for white males.


Read the whole thing here. It is mad good to have ole Swells back. My favourite thing about editing PlayLouder back in the day was commissioning, then getting to read Swellls' stuff. It was always brilliant.

In other journalistic happenings, I did a small email interview with Moby recently. Sample text:

Me: Do you regret rubbing your dick on Winona Ryder, or do you look back on those days fondly?

Moby: I never rubbed my dick on Winona Ryder. But hey, I'm still relatively young. Operative word: 'relatively'.

Moby is a funny guy! Read the rest here...

Speaking of funny white people, you ever hear of Barry Seal? I'm going to be writing a bit over the coming months about dude, and his connections with the cocaine epedemic of the 80s, Bill Clinton, Pappa Bush, and the CIA. So this might be a good place to start.