cartoon

ODB, The Ballad of Russell Jones: A Comic By Akira The Don

Ladies and gentlemen, I am proud to present to you my first comic of 2012:

ODB: The Ballad of Russell Jones

Dedicated to the memory of my auntie Pat, a brilliant, brave, bold, and entirely bullshit free woman who died yesterday, and of course, the comic's subject: Russell Jones, the Ol' Dirty Bastard, subject of my 5th mixtape, an avatar for freedom on this mortal plane, who was taken from us seven years ago.

I was commissioned to do this for Topman, who have it in their new magazine, so go swag them out. It took me a lot longer than I meant it to, contributing to my relative silence for the first week of the year, but I am glad I did it as it is a beautiful artwork that will live forever, just like that spirit of pure freedom that dear Russell Jones embodied.

Thanks to my little brother Alex for the haunting painting of Dirty that features in the final panel. Alex painted me that for my birthday many years ago, and it tragically went missing when I moved out of the Pneumonia House on Murder Mile in Clapton. I have a scan, just like I have copies of Ol' Dirty albums, and sometimes I put one on and stare at it in meditation.

Peace and love to you all, brothers and sisters. Let us enjoy each other's company in this fine, fizzy, funny ole hologram while we can.

Raps Exit Here

OUT! OF! CLOUD! OF SMOKE!

INTO! TUNNEL! OF LIGHT!

BVWOOOOOOOM!

Do you understand?

Well, good.

That up there is my world famous MOUTH, from which exit the RAPS and the WIS-DONS (word to Zef and his new crib and flatmates and fram-ed Gay Bar). My FAMOUS MOUTH is starring in part two of THE LIFE EQUATION TRILOGY this week. I know this because I just returned from Dr Aaron Shrimpton's new editing suite in Hackney Downs and shit is looking VERY VERY FLY. Here we are, quietly confident in our great accomplishment:

Yes.

Yes, yes, yes, and YES.

Aaron has another new video out this weke too, from your friends and mine, SCROOBY DOO and DEE BOLANE. In a JEEP. Yes, yes, yes, yes and YES.

http://youtu.be/ljcqNORe3F0

I finished my new comic today as well you know.

Here is a little piece of him:

Can you tell what it is yet?

http://youtu.be/tXaiMwuIuO4

http://youtu.be/DbCC1uc0CJQ

Hello Hydref!

Observing the Alien Landing Pod, by C Whewell

Last week the forces on high were good enough to bless those of us that reside on this funny little rock called Grayte Brrr with one last week of sunshine, before the season the Welsh call Hydref kicked in proper, and for that I thank them. It was a lovely send off, and whilst I did spend most of it sat on a chair staring at a pair of glowing monitors, I did get outside a little, and I loved every second of it. The dark is creeping in, and we're going to have to start shutting the kitchen window at night, bit I am not sad, for the first year perhaps ever. I am excited about this new season. I am going to work with it, like ladies are supposed to with their periodicals. It is a brave and a bold experiment, and I shall let you know how I get on.

I think the key to seasonal harmony is celebration, which is probably why those flipping pagans managed to have such a grand old time despite not having any electricity of central heating. Today I celebrate the death of Summer, and I do so by living my life, happily, getting up at a relatively reasonable hour, enjoying a fine breakfast and luncheon in the company of a white-hot ladything, and engaging in rewarding work pursuits. I will have a think about some other ways also. Have you any great ideas?

I bet Calvin does. In fact, I know he does. I was re-reading that treasury last season...

*googles

Ooh, here's one.

Haha. That was so me every year prior to this. Let's see how long I hold up.

So, I had a great weekend, thanks. I did an awful lot of work with young Zef on AkiraTheDon 5.0, and half-watched an awful lot of The Inbetweeners, which is resolutely brilliant. Me and the PPF went on a tour of the Olympic Park. We live right by the grounds of the 2012 Alien Landing - I can see two of the stadiums from my window - so it was nice to go beyond the gates for the first time since I followed that fucking fox and nearly broke my neck. My lord, they have done a lot of work. If I was an alien I'd definitely land there, and if I was a despotic government I'd definitely stage an alien landing there. It's perfect!

Welcome Back, Master Race! by C Whewell

I also went to my ole pal P Mo's 30th birthday do - there were an awful lot of them this weekend, for some reason or other, but I only have one set of drinking paws. P Mo's was a fine affair, and he got a Dog Of Fo, which seemed to make him deliriously happy. Someone got him a porcelain hand that carries drinks to the edge of the table then stops, and I made him a clock with himself in it, which I nearly broke falling upstairs running for a train. My mighty HANDS protected it though, with their flesh and their blood, some of which I sadly had to leave on the steps, along with shavings off of my ankle and knee. I have been getting an awful lot of injuries lately, along with my Better Fortune and Exciting Feelings, so I guess it is all part and parcel of the Samsonian Metamorphais I am currently involved in...

Oh, and I formatted my C drive and reinstalled my machine again. Well, started re-installing my machine again. Obviously it will take an age to get everything in place, but hopeful this time I won't install whatever it was that buggered up the last attempt. I am being methodical. You Mac mofos don't have to bother with this, do you? No, you don't. But being that smug all the time can't be healthy. So I do not envy you. Hell, Angry Birds is coming to Android, after all!

OK, I better go and post this video brief. I need lots of videos made all of a sudden. Who wants to make a video?

Dan le Sac VS Scroobius Pip - Great Britain (Akira The Don VS Joey2tits Remix)

Well, I know there's a bunch of you that have been looking forward to this. It's been out for a few days, but I ain't mentioned it. I was wondering if I'd get called out, and lo I did, via email, from the ever vigilant Glen, who wrote:

one thing you seem to have let slip past us is the Dan Le Sac vs Scroob release!! i was pondering it on Saturday night since i hadn't heard much mention of it recently and thought i'd have a lil search and found that it was on sale from Sunday, needless to say i bought it and love it!

Cheers Glenn! Hell yeah it's dope! So dope I felt I needed to take an afternoon out to draw a sleeve for it. So I have. And that is it. Up top. Neat, non? Well, I dig it. Cos it was done between the Superhero Music and Street Fighter periods of Don Activity, the art reflects that - it references the Marvel VS Capcom games in its layout, anyway.

Nice!

I said that in a Joey2tits voice. You ever heard dude say "nice"? It's a thing to behold, really it is.

ANYWAY! To celebrate this happy union, I got Dan le Sac to judge last week's caption competition. I promised you a minor celebrity! And I have delivered a minor celebrity! See how I come through for you!

So, without further ado, let's get into that business.

THE WINNER OF THE CAPTION COMPETITION, AS DECIDED BY MINOR CELEBRITY AND SUPERSTAR RECORD PRODUCER DAN LE SAC, OF WORLD FAMOUS POPULAR RAPPER/PRODUCER COMBO DAN LE SAC VS SCROOBIUS PIP IS....

(drum roll)

.

.

.

.

MELO! With:

"It wins," explains Dan, "because it's true."

I don't know if my girl's Mum, pictured, would agree with you, but there you go. The judge's decision is final! MELO IS THE WINNER!

Well done Melo! Dan has deemed you KING OF WIN! Email me your address and a prize shall be yours!

We also have some runners up.

Runner Up 1: alexandervelky: "Not pictured: stepladder." "Because alexandervelky is clearly my dad is disguise or at least the guy who ghostwrites my dad gags," says Dan. This is funny because alexandervelky is, in reality, my brother. His sense of humour is cruel and ancient and stolen, in part, from our Dad.

Runner Up 2 - Raydome : "The all new ATD portable holiday head, buy one now, and make your holiday Dontastic"

"Seriously this could work," says Dan, "dragging rappers heads around on holiday is a dope idea, you can never find any decent hip-hop on ya hols."

Did I mention that all I heard music-wise in Malta was N-Dubz, Tinie Tempah and Jay-Z? That Jay-Z featuring Mr Hudson travesty as well. That shit is eerie, bubba.

ANYWAY! Thank you Dr Le Sac, for judging this month's caption contest. However, since Alex is related to me, he's going to have to be disqualified, or at least sidelined, so I am bringing in another runner up.

Runner Up 3: jonzee: "Akira the Wall creeps up unnoticed on yet another victim"

Because it made me LOL Out Loud, which is pretty much a double LOL, and thus a win. Applause all round then! You're all winners!

And thank you again to our special guest judge, dan le sac. For the duration of this blog post I have been unsure as to whether he capitalises the "le" or not, and a quick Google just now reveals that he tends not to capitalise at all, like dead prez. But I am not going to go back and change all the previous attempts, for the sake of purity.

OK!

Rah though, if you thought that was the last you were gonna see of duke round these parts, think again! Cos we did a remix SWAP! Which means you have yet to hear what duke did for me! EXCITE!

In other exciting celebrity news, I got retweeted by world famous wrestler Gregory "Hurricane! Helms today. Dunno how that happened. He was amused by the following, which I found at Dangerous Minds:

He then DMed me to apologise for all the RTs flooding my timeline. What a gent!

If only mixed martial arts fighters were as nice as wrestlers. Shudder.

Elsewhere on the Don Related Interwebs, my new best buddies at Hype Machine Radio in New York did a dope piece on our DOMINATION of their chart last week (which I intent to sample the HELL out of). They even spoke to or ole buddy Neil from Music Like Dirt! Ch-ch-ch-ch-check it out!

#19 Hype Machine Radio Show (June 2010) by hypem

OK then! That is enough for one post. This has been epic. I hope you enjoyed it. I will be back at 5pm UK time with THE DONCAST, but in the meanwhile, I'm gonna hand over to our friends Ms Liz A Crunch and JJ Fabulous, who have been ATD Beach Tagging in El Pescador. Big up!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mMvfMM8hS2g

Magic Marker

What a little git bag!

Dearie, dearie me.

So, here's a thing. I have been thinking that these backgrounds are actually distracting. But then, I like them, as they give context. That's my desk. Those are my monitors. That's my website on the left one. Manga Studio on the right. That's my Juno D. That's my Batman & Robin poster. But I'm not sure. So, here that same strip without the background:

What do you think?

Rah then. I spent much of today making Security, the song I'm sending to all you ATD20/Security T preorderers. See, I did have a song written in my head, and I had started a thing, but then I was sat at my desk today, and I've got my Juno D in front of me all the time now, and I was just hitting some keys while I was waiting for an email to send, and the sound pleased me so  much I had to record it right away, and the next thing I knew I had the basis of a whole new song, and it became Security. And I love it. It's a story song, a true story song, and one of the most personal things I've done since Patrick. It's very strange that it chose today to come out. How weird to think it would never have happened had I not said I was going to give a brand new song to people who preordered a T Shirt!

So it goes...

So anyway. It's done, but I'm gonna wait until tomorrow to play it really loud and make sure I like the mix, them I am going to send it, as promised, to all the preorderers. So what are you waiting for?

Reserve yours now!

Oh, and in other good news,  the prototype ATD Security T showed up today! It is so choice. The organic cotton makes a massive difference, I am amazed to report. Shit feels luxury soft. Here's me rapping in it this afternoon.

I might drop some of that footage tomorrow, I'll see how I get on with the music.

OK, bedtime. Be safe.

PAX!

PS - today's strip was soundtracked by RIP: A Remix Manifesto. Cheers the_otter_cast for reminding me about it.

Existential Hitman From The Future

Man, that's been a long time coming.

BIFF!

IN YOUR FACE, cartoon Akira The Don!

Where we go from here is anyone's guess. Will there be revenge? Weapons? Wrasslin'?

I gotta say, having a schedule is a rewarding thing. Who'd a thunk I could get a comic strip out three days in a row and do a Doncast and do crazy awesome stuff for ATD20?

Speaking of which, those of you who tuned in earlier for the first live Doncast heard some of the stuff I've ben working on for next Friday's magnum opus. SHIT IS GONNA SLAY! I'm really looking forward to next Wednesday now too. Now I've got the mike level sorted. And SAM's been throwing up loads of awesome music I can't wait to play for you.

Rah though, I have been having the best time. I've been letting the aforementioned SAM Broadcaster play random songs off of my harddrive, something I haven't done for years. For the longest time, I've been on podcasts and albums. I forgot the joy of My Harddrive On Random. OH WHAT JOY! Sean Price! GLC! Neil Diamond! Howard Jones! Meatloaf! Living Colour! Babybird! Val Doonican! Roxy Music! MC5! Tori Amos! Etc! Etc! ETC!

Woah! That's Why I Go To Extremes just came on!

I love this song!

I am going to have to up it for you. It is so awesome.

*does the thing

Right, here you go!

WHOOO!

SO GREAT!

OK, back to work. I got a website to fix.Hit me with any ideas you have for next week's Doncast in the comments.

PAX!

The Old Don

A-ha ha! Cheers, as ever, for the inspiration. I did this as an excercise, and shall continue throughout the week. Hopefully, by the end of the week, I'll have The Dude ready, and the storyboard for the animated video I am about to make all ready, so I can let that big ole weight start to lift. Meanwhile, I'll be working on ATD20. I wanna set up a way for you to be able to leave voice messages that I can use on the tape. What did we do last time? Has something better turned up in the interim? If you have any ideas, let me know.

This was what I looked like half an hour ago, by the way.

OK, Now We're Getting Somewhere...

Well gang, I listened to your comments, I slept, I dreamed, I did some world-class rapping (hold tight Mothboy!), I opened a business account, I researched some new conduits, then I sat down 45 minutes ago with the new Cam'ron mixtape and Manga Studio 4, and mashed this out.

We're definitely getting somewhere now. This lil dude's got personality. I haven't even given him a recognisable outfit yet, but this is definitely going in the right direction. Might need simplifying a little. Glasses is a no-no cos they restrict the eyeballs - and anyway, I got my contact-lens prescription, and as soon as I've got a spare £40 I'm getting me a six month supply. Mainly so I can rock the 3D glasses I robbed from the cinema after I saw Up. I swear those things have luck in them.

Anyway. What do you reckon?

A New Don

The problem with having chopped off my legendary locks is that I am now much less easy to draw. Previously, I just had  to do a mane, and the rest pretty much worked itself out. Last time I made an animated video I was also - self image wise anyway - a boy.  Less so nowadays. So one of the big tasks I am faced with at the moment is coming up with an easy to draw and animate cartoon self that not only reflects my hard won maturity (ha!), but the joy and wonder that remains from the lil' me.

This has been proving unusually tricky. Above are some sketches I was doing just now while my sexy marketing advisor mapped out the next two years on three magic whiteboards pasted up on my green screen. I think the guy on the top right is a step in the right direction, but there is something missing...

London, Mi-lan, Paris, New Yich, or How I Managed To Judge The Gonzales VS Andrew Wk Piano Battle

plane2 So, yeah. Like I said. I AM BACK.

Which is more of an achievement than one might imagine. That I got to New York at all is pretty amazing. You already knew I'd been through a week of foul adversity before I left. Who knew there was more to come? Who knew that getting Akira The Don out to New York to judge an Awesome Piano Battle between Chilly Gonzales and Andrew W.K. was going to be such a fucking epic struggle?

Perhaps I should have. That Ignorant Old Testament Skygod was testing me, brothers and sisters, that was clear from the start. And so it was to continue. If there was a thing to go wrong on that outward journey, then it would. While my acting debut was a success of Olympian proportions, what was to follow was like something from John Cleese's Clockwork.

First off my flight from London to Milan was delayed. Not too much, but enough to get me antsy. Enough to tighten the stomach and shorted the fingernails. I knew Milan was trouble when we arrived and I tripped over my shoelace and hit myself in the back of the head with my brown leather sports bag. And when security wouldn't let me through the gate and told me to go upstairs to check in, a cold sweat crept across my forehead and prickled my palms. I tore through that rotten place - yellowed, musty, and foul of carpet, like an airport from The Seventies - but when I got to check in, it was empty, and nobody knew any English, or at least pretended they didn't. I dashed around the airport in what could only be described truthfully as "a tizzy", eventually finding the ticket office for the company behind my precious flight to New York.

The woman behind the counter, who looked like she had just stepped out of a seventies holiday camp, and eyed me with a languid, suspicious derision, took twenty five (25) minutes to come to the conclusion that I would not be allowed onto my flight (which departed for New York City but fifteen minutes after that swineheaded decision) as the security "should" have let me through downstairs, and I "should" never have set foot in the main terminal.

"But... but... but it's not my FAULT!" I wailed, deep from the glacial insides of my tragic World Of Anguish. Seventies Lady didn't care. I wasn't getting on that flight. And her shoddy-ass airline wasn't flying again until tomorrow.

"But... but... but I need to be in New York city by 11! Tomorrow Andrew W.K. and Chilly Gonzales won't be battling anymore!" I cried, nay, warbled, desperately. "It'll be too late! This isn't fair! It's your airport's fault! You must sort this out!"

She eyed me coldly, like that dinosaur in Jurassic Park eyeballed the fat guy from Sinefeld before it grew giant bat ears and sprayed him with black acid. Then she sighed, and explained: No they would Not be putting me on a rival's airplane, under any circumstances. Anyway, she said, there were only two other airlines flying to NY from Milan that afternoon, and the "cheapest" was going to cost £780.

"£780?"

A great white rage filled my brain. Then I headbutted her desk.

Seventies lady shrugged her shoulders, and wandered off out back.

Another fucking ticket. ANOTHER FUCKING PLANE TICKET! That would be the fifth one now. 5th. 5. Five. FIVE FUCKING PLANE TICKETS and I couldn't afford my fucking RENT oh dear shitting Christ what the FUCK! WHY ME, what did I EVER DO, apart from that one thing but that could have happened to ANYONE right? Well OK there was that other thing but I was ONLY SIXTEEN GIVE ME A BREAK I wasn't THINKING STRAIGHT was I oh WAH WAH WAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

I paced around in a frenzy for some time, before deciding to do what any other mildly-sane late twenties male would do in such a situation - I  called my girlfriend, and said, "WAH! WAH! Wah-wah WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

Then my money ran out.

Then I begged an Italian lady who could hardly understand me to change my fiver into some euro coins, and she laughed at me. I didn't realise how totally worthless the pound had become of late. So, I ran, with all the grace of a crippled pelican, to...

Oh, bugger it. That's enough. To cut a long ass story a bit shorter my Mother ended up lending me the money to get another flight to NY. It was actually closer to £500 than £800 in the end, but still. I banished all thoughts of rent and bills and insolvency and exhaled a sigh of relief so huge and pointed it might have taken someone's eye out, had they been in the way.

So, me and the great big lump on my head flew to New York, via Paris, whose airport looked like something out of a glamorous near future, and didn't have a single fast food joint in it - just an uber-posh restaurant section, which I resented as I could not afford to eat in it. They also had a relatively luxurious-looking smoking bar, which I also resented, as I No Longer Smoke. Oh, and the swine stoke my deodorant! Foolishness on their part, given the stress levels I was under. I'd already changed my top twice.I was wringing wet when I left Milan, and a sodden dishrag by the time I got out of Paris.

Still. I got to JFK airport at 9:30, and got to the front of the que of America's scary-as-ever security pretty quickly. Last time I came, the latest addition to their arsenal was an eyeball scanner. They now have a bleeping, flashing green digital fingerprint machine that scared the utter crap out of me, for reasons some of you may understand, and the rest of you will have to guess at. But the bleeping stayed civil, and they let me through. Only for me to go and outdo my self by getting into what the New Yorkers call a "gypsy cab", which took over an an hour and a half to make the half an hour journey to Joe's Pub in Manhattan. It was gone eleven when we arrived, and when the incompetent, George Michael-bearded, Keanou-In-The-Matrix-Sunglasses-wearing, stop-and-take-a-piss-up-a-firehydrant-when-he-knew-damn-well-I-was-in-a-rush, piss-taking asshole fake-cabbie said, with a straight face, "that'll be $97 plus tip," it was all I could do to stop myself from tearing his smug face off with my bare hands and strangling him with it. As it was, I threw $40 at him and said, "$97?! Don't you dare take the piss out of me my brother! I have been here before! I am not a fucking mug! This is all you're getting and more than you deserve!" Then I slammed the door and legged it into the venue, heart beating out of my fucking sweat-sodden T shirt.

Ba-dum. Ba-dum.

A jovial bouncer greeted me.

"The Gonzales show? Sorry man, you missed it."

I gawped at him.

"A ha ha ha! Only joking man! Come on through!"

Seven and a half minutes later I was sat in a nice, yellow-lit backstage room with Gonzales and Andrew W.K., drinking a cold Guiness out of a flute-glass, smoking a cigarette (which I don't do anymore) and discussing score-taking etiquette.Everything was OK now. We were going to have fun.

That's all for now kids! Check back tomorrow to find out what happened next!

Happy Birthday The Svenhunter

The-Hawk-Moth-Syndiacate3 That up there is a panel from the comic book my little brother's written that I am illustrating. It is taking ages because I don't really have any spare time, and drawings comics takes ages anyway.

Ah vey. One day we'll finish and it'll be ace. Maybe I'll be on tour soon and I can do it after soundchecks so as to stop myself drinking too much whiskey.

Too much whiskey is a bottle a day, which is what happened last time I went on tour, by the way.

So, guess what I was doing last night?

No, that wasn't it. Try again.

No, that neither. Chance would be a fine thing.

NO!

What it was, was I was attending a rehearsal for a pilot for a TV show what I have been cast in. Very strange indeed, me not being an actor or anything. I was headhunted for the role, as the people wot wrote it had me in mind when they wrote it. Or something. I shall take that as some kind of bachanded compliment. Either way, I was the only non actor in a room full of actors, which was kinda odd. I mean, you know actors. They do stuff. Actory stuff. Stuff the likes of you and I don't know ish about. Plus they instinctively know which way the audience is, and to face it accordingly. I kind of kept fucking that one up. Ah well. It'll be fine. I learn fast.

The Swine Flew

Pig Flew Who'd a knew, swine flew?

Pig flew.

Pig flu.

Whatever.

This is no time for shitty jokes.

MOTHERFUCKERS ARE DYING ALL OVER THE GLOBE. There's a handy, and tasteful Google Map here.

Do you know what this weird new Pig Flu is?

From AP:

CDC officials detected a virus with a unique combination of gene segments that have not been seen in people or pigs before. The bug contains human virus, avian virus from North America and pig viruses from North America, Europe and Asia.

Wow! Well, that sounds like the sort of crazy thing that drooling old harpie Mother Nature would come up with. That crazy ho. Good thing us clever humans are prepared. On March 19th, The Seagun Gazette reported on a "PANDEMIC VACCINE TRAINING" (!!!) exercise in to be carried out in Texas on Saturday, May 2, 2009. They had one in 2007, too. Learnt a lot from that, they did. Such foresight can only be applauded.

Why, only in February, an Indiana county municipal official near Chicago went on radio saying that he'd been having meetings with FEMA and the Department of Homeland Security, who were inquiring "where mass graves could be placed in the county," and "would they accept bodies from elsewhere?" These same keen public servants also suggested the nice people of Indiana "make plans for the possibility of up to 400,000 refugees from Chicago". See! They learned from Katrina! They're prepared!

In January, Panasonic Corp. ordered Japanese employees in parts of Asia, the Middle East, Africa, Russia, former Soviet states and Latin America to send their families home to Japan in preparation for a possible flu pandemic. The firm decided to take the rare measure "well ahead of possible confusion at the outbreak of a global pandemic," which was BLOODY CLEVER OF THEM.

If certain people are to be believed, between 2001 and 2005, fourty (40) micro-biologists were reported to have died in strange circumstances - found stabbed to death in the trunks of cars, thrown off bridges, that sort of thing, only to turn up years later "working for the government, or government contractors, on projects related to bio-terrorism, flu pandemics, or anthrax." Which is good. I bet they were working on miracle vaccines! That's the sort of thing they do!

Hell, they've been involved in the OLD pig flu. But this is NEW PIG FLU! This is SWINE FLU! For the naughties!

Man, there's gonna be some serious panic. What the funk does a responsible government do in such a situation?

Well, back in the tropical spring of 2005, a company called Strategic Communication Laboratories went public. The small U.K. firm, started in 1993, and specializing in "influence operations" set up a "glitzy exhibit occupying prime real estate at Defense Systems & Equipment International, the United Kingdom's largest showcase for military technology. The main attraction was a full-scale mock-up of its ops center, running simulations ranging from natural disasters to political coups." The meat of the presentation, however, was a simulation of what the company could offer in the case of a FLU PANDEMIC.

From The Slate:

[SCL] steps in to help orchestrate a sophisticated campaign... Rather than alert the public to the smallpox threat, the company sets up a high-tech "ops center" to convince the public that an accident at a chemical plant threatens London. As the fictitious toxic cloud approaches the city, TV news outlets are provided graphic visuals charting the path of the invisible toxins. Londoners stay indoors, glued to the telly, convinced that even a short walk into the streets could be fatal.

"The [ops center] can override all national radio and TV broadcasts in time of crisis," said SCL. Company literature described their niche specialties as "psychological warfare," "public diplomacy," and "influence operations," and they called themselves "the first private-sector provider of psychological operations". SCL's public affairs director, one Mark Broughton, described his company's work as "framing communications to do something that's going to save lives."

Hot crap! We might need them RIGHT NOW! Where's their website? Ooh, they're "upgrading their web presence to improve security and accessibility." Sweet!

Crap though, we don't just need to keep the brainless proles in order.

WE NEED A CURE!

Who do we think might be the best people to pay many millions of dollars to come up with a cure?

WHO WE GONNA CALL?

Baxter.

That's who.

From The Chicago Tribune:

With world health officials worried about the global outbreak of another deadly virus, Deerfield-based Baxter International Inc. once again finds itself involved in the action.

Woo hoo! ACTION!!!!!!!!! Sorry, I got excited. I shall let them continue.

Baxter confirmed over the weekend that it is working with the World Health Organization on a potential vaccine to curb the deadly swine flu virus... Baxter, which has an emerging vaccine business, has worked with the U.S. and foreign countries in the past to develop vaccines for the H5N1 virus commonly known as bird flu. Three years ago, the Bush administration awarded about $1 billion to vaccine makers as a way to increase and speed production... Several vaccine makers, including Baxter, GlaxoSmithKline and others, were awarded multimillion-dollar contracts.

That's right. They did. And they do. Shit, you must have heard of Baxter. Baxter are FAMOUS! You know what Baxter did just two months ago?

Baxter International, sent a flu vaccine, which it had accidentally contaminated with the deadly H5N1 bird flu virus, for testing in the Czech Republic.

Baxter said it contaminated the vaccine with the dangerous virus by accident... Baxter shipped the infected vaccine to the Czech biomedical firm Biotest for testing on ferrets in late January. The exposed employees were given Tamiflu medicine and have been regularly tested... The infected ferrets had to be culled and the laboratory, which is located 70 kilometres east of the Czech capital Prague, was disinfected.

PHEW! That's OK then. Just some dead ferrets. The situation was dealt with swiftly and with care, and nobody got hurt. Sweet!

Oh, hang, on, there was more to the story.

"The experimental product contained live H5N1 avian flu viruses," reports Effect Measure, who continue:

One of the big fears is that people or animals co-infected with a seasonal flu virus of humans and a virulent avian flu virus like H5N1 will act as a mixing vessel. Flu viruses each have eight genetic packages within them and when co-infecting a cell they can mix and match, thus producing new hybrid bird-human viruses. Baxter put both viruses in the same vial, presumably for use as a vaccine. Baxter is calling the mixture an "experimental virus material," whatever that is. All we know is that a nasty live virus cocktail of human and bird influenza virus was made. (Baxter says accidentally). Exactly to whom it was given, if anyone, is not being publicly divulged. We have a news report from an Austrian paper dated February 11, a Wednesday, that tells of 19 people being seen as outpatients at a Vienna hospital the previous Monday (February 9) because of exposure to "bird flu virus..."

Hang on, hang. Rewind. Ur... What? Mixing vessel? New hybrid Human viruses? EXPERIMENTAL VIRUS MATERIAL? ACCIDENT?

OH SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!

WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And my album will be TOTALLY FINISHED on Wednesday!

LAME!

Oh well. Fuck it. Let's all go play Pandemic 2, from CrazyMonkeyGames.com! "Customize your disease and wipe out the population!" The outbreak starts in Mexico!

FUN!

Rah though, I'll tell you one good thing that's come out of this - Jacqui Smith's dastardly plan to MONITOR ALL INTERNET USE (and I hope that includes her donkey porn loving hubby!) will go unnoticed. Genius!

FAQ About Time Travel

FAQ About Time TravelSATURDAAAAAAAAAY! Yes it is. And today, some illustration work I did for a dope new British/American movie about two geeks and a cynic getting sucked into an epic time travel adventure in a pub is online, which is kinda cool.

CLICK HERE to visit the movie website. And click Synopsis and Cast to see the stuffs that i drew, that their tech wizards made Flashy. My original drawings are above, and below. Click them for the biggle.

The movie comes out next month. I have seen it, and I can vouch that it is indeed, as the producers have been saying, Sean Of The Dead Meets Dr Who. Cos that's what I said after I saw it. Before I'd read about it. So there! Go see! Will like!

FAQ About Time Travel

Through The Wire

Man, they bunned down Randy's fostermamma house on The Wire last night. That was messed up. Plus that tragic spoilt dude with the afro-puff and the crazy evil psychobitch mother with the nostrils like laundry-chutes copped a slap off Michael-With-The-Crackhead-Moms for being an giant penis structure and cried like Chris de Burgh in the gym. And the guy who runs the gym, who Michael thinks is kinda is creepy, and is kinda creepy, actually, got shot in the legs for trying to help Michael out step on his peoples' pavement. And Omar The Hero, who even my institutionally-homophobic friends can't help but admit is awesome, went and robbed ALL THE DRUGS IN BALTIMORE. Well, a week or so's worth.

And that's not even going into the whole politricks side of things, or that sweet, sad stuff with Prezbo and Charles Hamilton Dukie. That was one episode! Damn, season 4 of The Wire is incredible.

So, that Streetfighter joint is doing big things. The dude at Capcom, he say,

Honestly, this is the best thing I've ever heard, ever. DRAGON GONNA LAY MANS DOWN is all we're shouting. And we're shouting it. Can you tell Akira The Don he's a fucking legend? This shits all over all the other remixes I've heard.

A lot of you have been hitting me up with questions about the thing, so here's what it was - this dude who's doing the PR on Street Fighter 4 hit me up asking if I'd be interested in getting my hands on all the music and sounds from Streetfighter 2. And I was like, hell yeah! And I made that beat, and Littles, Narst and P came round, and we spat all over it.

The accompanying art was indeed by me. I'm Ryu cos Littles bagged Ken. After I'd drawn it Littles pointed out that there's actually character called Akira in the game, which I had no memory of at all, but I don't care cos I look dope as Ryu and I am now wearing the ninja headband Wade got me from Japan.

For the record, I'm most enamoured with the clean version. Speaking of which, I was listening to radio 4 this morning, and Lenny Henry was talking about how he's "shitting it" about playing Othello. How come Lenny Henry gets to say "shitting it" on Radio 4 in the morning and I can't say "piss" on Radio 1 at 10pm? Sheeeeeeeeeet!

OK. I gotta go finish my VAT stuff, then I'll be dropping the Streetfighter remix comp ish. SPINNING BIRD KICK!

COMIC: A Serge Of Life Part 2

Brand new A Serge of Life, written by Jeremy Allen and drawn by me. Click for biggle. This was the last thing I drew in flash, before working out how to gte a smooth stroke in Photoshop. Pause, for effect. Pick up a copy of The Stool Pigeon to see the thing in all its newsprint glory!

You can also oggle that, and some of my other doodlings, in the brand new GALLERY, which you can comment in now and everything. Cheers to Zef for sorting the coding out!

Oh, and click here for Part 1.

La Plage?

Serge On Beach So, I've been working on the new Serge of Life strip all day. Jeres has me drawing all sorts of weird shit, like Serge suckling a cow. I'll spare you that for now, have at ye Panel 1.

Today's soundtrack has been search term: "soft rock" on Spotify. I have only had to skip two songs - that one about God being One Of Us, most violently. SKIP, I went. SKIIIIIIIIIIIIIP!