Office

ATD 2009 > ATD 2002

passport Yeah, I know my blog game's been poor this week. So what? I gave you a whole mixtape on Sunday. Play that over and over and stare at the lovely sleeve until you feel inclined to spend your next pay check on Don Shoes, why don't you. There are worse ways to pass the time.

I, for example, have been hanging out in the Passport Office in Victoria. I got a new passport, as you can see above. Well, you can see my new photo above. I'll be damned if I'm scanning my new passport. How stupid do you think I look? Not as stupid as I did in 2002, that's how.

Anyway. Passport office. A lot better organised than it was last time I was there. There are men wandering around with fucking guns now! This surprised me, as I am famously naive. "Well, duh," said Littles when we were talking about it on the phone earlier. "It's a passport factory! That's more money than a bank! Man could run up in there with straps and be rich!"

I suppose man could. Me, not so much. I was tempted to steal a magazine in WH Smiths last week. I stood there in the isle, holding the thing (a copy of Future Music, since you asked) for a good four minutes with my pulse racing before I pussied out and out it back on the shelf. My days of crime are far behind me now. I am like George Bush.

Anyway, I have exciting things to tell you about, but I don't want to jinx them. So I shall bid you a good day, and get back to learning my lines.

Road To Redemption

brit-scum Can I get a HELL YEEEEYAH?!

I lost the past 6 months of work on Saturday when both my harddrives bricked like the last G Unit album. I shall refrain from going batshit on the manufacturers asses while we sort out what they're gonna do about it. And I gotta tell you, I was a zen motherfucker when it happened. I did not shout, swear, scream or cry. I got on with it.

First off was redrawing the second illustration I've been commissioned to do for this new time travel movie that's coming out. I was on deadline, and you know how I hate to miss a deadline. More on that soon. Ideally I'd have spent more time on the thing - there was a bunch of detail I'd have liked to have done... but shit, it looks pretty dope anyway, if I do say so myself.

Now, amongst other things, it's time to focus on re-recording the bulk of the pre-Life Equation mixtape. This thing needs to be the best thing I have ever released,  prior to the album, which is Ultimate (no Jeph Loeb - geek joke). All ideas welcome! The thing has a name and a concept that ties in directly to the album, but I'm a keep that under my hat for a little bit. We're looking at a March release, so I got a fortnight to get it done. I am excited to be making new music again. It feels like ages, even if it isn't.

So, I noticed the "free" toilet papers that litter the London transport system screaming about some crazy British victory at the Grammy's yesterday, on route to a meeting with Dr Gerd Lohnart (futururist, revolutionary, geezer) in central London yesterday. I was like, hot shit, did Sac VS Pip win something? Chipmunk? The Indelicates?

Of course not. The Inevitable Coldplay. The Incomparably Costly Duffy. The Brit School's Adlele.

Doh.

As Ben Wardle noted recently whilst musing on the snug safeness of this year's Who's Gon' Be Hot lists,  "both Duffy and Adele were heavily invested in - certainly Duffy had to happen, the financial consequences would have just been too dreadful to contemplate if it hadn't worked."

Yes sir. As the world turns, the music industry hangs on to its crumbling business model like Momma to the Train... pick a fistful of inoffensive clay, mash into desired shape, and lob stacks of cash at it until the general public gives in and sighs, "well, sheeeeet, this gotsta be good".

Jack Nimble's little brother Ben Official wrote an amusing diatribe about "Brit Robots" over at the sublimely titled youcantunwatchit.blogspot.com the other day:

With 10 million albums sold in the UK, 16 Brit Award nominations and 14 Grammy nominations between them, graduates of the Brit School in Selhurst, south London have become some of the biggest names in pop. (Don't that make you sick!?)

...Although i am a fan Of Amy [Winehouse]'s music and wish her good health, you gta ask is this a Brit school girl who just couldn't handle the pressure. I can easily say that Amy Winehous is the biggest talent from the school of robots...

My question to you, ALL OF YOU! is are we going to sit by and let a school for ppl who can hit a drum in the right place or hit the c# note control Britains biggest Export! It's a recession a good crop of artists and music could really keep morale up in this land of the Beatles and....Fuck i aint got time to list this countrys greatest Artists you know who they are and they ae not: Leona Lewis Katie Melua The Kooks The Feeling Kate Nash Bashy Adele Jack Mcmanus Athlete Floetry Dane Bowers Aggro Curls Ye i left Amy's name out, I LIKE HER MUSCI WHAT!!!??? People of ENGLAND RISE UP SAY NO TO CHANNEL U!, NO TO THE BRITS, NO TO NICK GRIMSHAW AND ALEXA CHUNG!(YE I HATE THEM TOO! I GOT HATE IN ME) JUST SAY NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

Quite. Used to be, the only routes to the Good Life for the UK's working class were Pop Music and Football. And now a career pop music is the privelege of the sons and daughters of the rich and famous, and their Brit Schooled chums. The rest of us got our work cut out. Good job we're some creative, intuative, forward thinking swine out here in Metered Gas Land. It's up to us to carve a new way through the pile of rotting corpses dumped on the culture by Ye Ole Musique Industry. I think we're up to the job. But we gotta pull together, like Zoolander. Only we can save the world.

Let's get it!

In other news,

The Foreign Office is to fund a television advertising campaign in Pakistan to get across the message that Britain is not "anti-Islamic."

According to the Guardian, the £400,000 campaign, titled 'I am the west', will feature a number of prominent British Muslims including communities minister Sadiq Khan and run for three months.

Sheeet. It's gonna take more than £400,000 and some Uncle Thomases to convince them brown folks we don't hate their God and their way of life more than we hate dentists and The French combined. Maybe The Foreign office might try convincing Our Glorious Leaders to stop murdering brown babies for a little while. Just a thought. I'm throwing that out there. You can have that one for free, but get at my manager if you want me to come down there and Consult your ign'ant asses.

Lush

So I fell alseep on the sofa after 5, and was awakened gently by Super Phil at 6:20, and it transpired Bird left my bag with my passport in it at the venue last night. But Bird's got me another ID card, so we're outside waiting for Jeff to pick us up at 6:30. And at midday we're in LA, and soon after that we're in Interscope's offices,and I'm filling a bag with Nirvana, Guns N Roses, Gilbert And Sullivan, Dre, Peter Gabriel, Police and other such back catalogue. Jimmy Iovine has a signed letter from Tupac and a video console that won't switch on. And loads of ideas. A balcony. A lush view. LA is lush to look at, from these places of advantage. Like, later we visit Jeff and Trent's, and there's this fucking alien cat that loves me, and an incredible, incredible view, of this desolate wilderness spattered with money.

It was a lovely day.

But in the nighttime it is hard not to see that LA is awash with cunts. It is a sad and massive amount of cunts, and I am not sure whether it is sad because this is what the world did to them, or because this is what they do to the world, or because they are cunts, and you can see their faces rotting right in front of your eyes.