Women and The Bible.

Zef has made a monkey that gets a banana! Off of a big hand! Wow, huh?

Yeah. Wow.

So, I was surfing about, while my flyers emailed, and I found all manner of craziness. The KKK have a website! It is one of those very bad old ones that looked very bad and old in '97. They have a TV show on it! With a weird old man and a large lady.

And they explain their existence with the following happy words, and some nice pictures of a rainbow, all lovely, and a black rainbow, alls ad. Check it:

Love the Diversity of God's Creation

Practice Racial Integrity

Don't Race Mix

Imagine the world with only one race - only one culture - Is that really what you want?

...Because that WILL be the End result

Think about it!

OK. Thought about it.

WHOO! GREAT END RESULT!

Then we will only have accents to use to discriminate with. Yee haw! Scotts'll be mad fucked then!

Not that Scotland will exist in 50 years. Wales and The North neither. They will be flooded, bombed, and ravaged so hard by poverty and heroin that, if other things haven't destroyed them, GOD WILL!

HAHAHAHA.

Speaking of whom - I have been reading the bible!

Oh yes. Haven't done that in years.

It is some pretty HOT SHIT, let me tell you.

Check this:

"Suppose you hear in one of the towns the LORD your God is giving you that some worthless rabble among you have led their fellow citizens astray by encouraging them to worship foreign gods. In such cases, you must examine the facts carefully. If you find it is true and can prove that such a detestable act has occurred among you, you must attack that town and completely destroy all its inhabitants, as well as all the livestock."

You hear? Kill all the heathen people. AND THE PIGGY WIGGIES!

"Then you must pile all the plunder in the middle of the street and burn it. Put the entire town to the torch as a burnt offering to the LORD your God. That town must remain a ruin forever; it may never be rebuilt. Keep none of the plunder that has been set apart for destruction. Then the LORD will turn from his fierce anger and be merciful to you. He will have compassion on you and make you a great nation, just as he solemnly promised your ancestors."

Can you imagine the SOLEMN GOD FACE? I can. Wow.

"The LORD your God will be merciful only if you obey him and keep all the commands I am giving you today, doing what is pleasing to him." (Deuteronomy 13:13-19 NLT)

You get that, heathen scum? YOU WILL DIE IN FIRE YOU PIGS! IN A BIG Goddamned PILE!

Does it say stuff like that in the Koran?

No wonder George Bush thinks he's doing the LORD's work.

He IS!

But, you gotta wonder, what about the ladies? Why do lads like ol' George think it's OK to fuck upon the ladies, to exert power over their wombs and shit?

Well, what it is, is is the Bible is full of nice little stories about how to treat ladies.

Judges 19:24-29:

(This dude "took" (by force) a lady as his wife. She ran a way to her dad's. The dude follows her to her dad's, who happily hands her over (after five days of nice meals and banter) and they set off home. On the way, they stop off at an inn, where the old man running it offers them a bed for the night. BUT! Some local drunks attack the house, a-banging on the door, saying they want to do the walloping with the bloke! So out comes good old inkeep, to diffuse the situation...)

"Behold, here is my daughter a maiden, and his concubine; them I will bring out now, and humble ye them, and do with them what seemeth good unto you: but unto this man do not so vile a thing."

No vile thing to the man!

"But the men would not hearken to him: so the man took his concubine, and brought her forth unto them; and they knew her ["knew", in Bible speak, means "had sex with". She wasn't an old school chum.], and abused her [abused still means abused, hilariously enough] all the night until the morning: and when the day began to spring, they let her go. Then came the woman in the dawning of the day, and fell down at the door of the man's house where her lord was, till it was light."

I slept on a doorstep a couple of times. It sucks. However, I had not just been GANG RAPED by servants of the LORD on any of those occasions. So I can't really imagine the suckiness.

"And her lord [her lord!!!] rose up in the morning, and opened the doors of the house, and went out to go his way: and behold, the woman his concubine was fallen down at the door of the house, and her hands were upon the threshold. And he said unto her, Up, and let us be going. But none answered. Then the man took her up upon an ass, and the man rose up, and gat him unto his place. And when he was come into his house, he took a knife, and laid hold on his concubine, and divided her, together with her bones, into twelve pieces, and sent her into all the coasts of Israel."

That's the end. And the moral of the story is?

I mean, he DIVIDED HER! Together with her BONES!

What a fuckin' NUTTAH!

But, you see, dude felt righteous in this, as the Bible explains, usefully enough:

"For the man is not of the woman; but the woman of the man. Neither was the man created for the woman; but the woman for the man." (I Corinthians 11:8-9)

Ah. See! It's OK! The woman was made by the LORD (from one of Adam's ribs, duh!) FOR the man! For THE man! For the MAN!

Yes yes yes. It all is clear now to me. Phew-ee.

More on this tommorrow.