And the pendulum swings. About 7 hours ago I felt more unloved and unwanted and placeless than I have felt at any point this century, yet now I feel quite chipper, despite having been first out of the Monopoly game we've been playing all night. It is strange, this up and this down, and I know not fully what to make of it. I do know, however, that the stuff I wrote whilst staying in Maryland upset my hosts very much, which saddens me. I didn't for a second think my observations and musings would cause anyone offense, least of all my generous hosts, but that just goes to show how little I really think about such things, and what little I know of the American mind.

Similarly, my general nature has caused great offense amongst the female contingent in this Big Old House, which too is sad, and I don't really know what to do about it. I have tried, but it seems I have failed. Oh Jeanne.

So there remains something of the pariah about me, but that is nothing new. I see now that nothing has changed at all, and I am the same duck I always was, in the same pond, flapping about in the same shitty water.

My predicament ensures that I shall continue to be a burden of some kind upon a number of people that I like for weeks, and there really is nothing I can do about it, save continue to try and remain as small and non-consumptury (is that a word? Certainly if it is it is misspelt. But you catch my drift, non?) a thing as I can. So I'm sorry, people past, present, future, whose hospitality I have enjoyed, whose toothpaste, towels, bread, whose water and space... who, for some reason, feel underappreciated, put upon, or whatever. I never meant any harm. And to those that know I am grateful, was, and always will be, thank you again, from the very pit of my tired old heart. You all saved my life.