The Ultimates! Mark Moore's Thieving Review! Super Man Is A Dick!

hulk horny!It's the Day After Zef's Birthday. All is good in my hood. Sun shines through the window. My back was murdering me this morning, so I read comics in bed before getting up and working, some luxury shit I hadn't thought to do in years. You'd think, given I don't have to drag my ass into an office, I'd read comics in bed a whole lot more. Shit, I ate me some Quavers while I was doing it too. Good times! The comic I was reading, incidentally, was The Ultimates. Have any of you read that shit? It's basically a re-booted The Avengers, re imagined in some alternative universe. Bruce Banner is something of a neurotic wreck - his girl Betty is a totally harsh PR bitch who treats him like crap and is seeing Freddie Prinze Jr on the side. When he turns into the Hulk he gets mad horny and murks 300 odd people. Fucking weird as.

Giant Man is a power freak asshole who physically abuses his wife, The Wasp. As if slapping the shit out of her during an argument wasn't enough, dude puts on his Ant Man helmet and sets a swarm of ants on her Wasp-sized ass. That is so dark and hardcore.

Captain America totally fancies the Wasp, so he beats the shit out of Giant Man. The Wasp is unimpressed and tells him to piss off, so he goes and murks a load of aliens. Tony Starks spends the whole time drinking vodka and flying around pissed up in his Iron Man suit, and abusing his butler, Jarvis.

Best of all, there's Thor. In The Ultimates, Thor is a seemingly delusional hippy who thinks he's the son of God, and has been put on earth to do battle with capitalist scum like Iron Man. Oh, and Nick Fury is now black and looks just like Samuel L Jackson. I am totally enjoying this stuff, even if it is really cynical, and basically a massive rip-off of The Authority. Even has the same artist  - Bryan Hitch, who I have never really liked, or got, until this run. Dude is actually fucking mad talented. So there.

OK, non-comics geeks come back.

Sorrry about that. What was I meaning to write about?

Oh yeah. One of my Awesome Celebrity Fans, the great Mark Moore of the recently revived S'Express has reviewed Thieving for the UK's biggest free gay magazine, QX International Magazine.  "Beware the back pages," warns Mark. "Not for the faint of heart!"

Cheers for the warning Mark! And cheers for the review. It is a very lovely, and factually correct review.

READ IT!

Hail Akira The Don! He has put out a CD of tunes, recorded for EPs over the last 2 years, that didn't quite make it onto his eagerly awaited, soon come, official second album. But have no fear for this is no collection of second rate scraps and makes a mighty fine album in its own right. "Thieving" follows on from last years mix CD with Wade Crescent, "Stunners 130", which included some nice mash ups along with wonderful titles like "If I Was S'Express I'd Fucking Sue The Klaxons". I could not resist and immediately befriended Akira on mySpace and was sent a whole pile of goodies all packaged with some rather nifty artwork. Name checking such heroes and inspirations as Morrissey and Hunter S Thompson you know this is no ordinary hip-hop CD. And Akira is no ordinary rapper which is evident on seeing this white, Welsh raised homie and his long mane of blond hair. The songs are great and the samples include folky, funky and indie loops (Blur, Elastica, XTC). Guests include Lethal Bizzle. Controversy is supplied by political tracks such as "Thanks For All the Aids" which is dedicated to the 'entirely lunatic, population reducing achievements of Henry Kissinger, the World Bank and the Catholic church.' It also caused US label Interscope (home to 50 Cent, Snoop Dog and Eminem) to chicken out of releasing the thing. I've fallen in love with this CD. Grab it along with his first one "When We Were Young" from 2006 then wait as patiently as you can for the new masterpiece to emerge.
See? What did I tell you?!?!?! Have you got your copy yet? Yes? Great! No? WHY THE HELL NOT!

Get it here!

OK. That podcast I was on about is coming later. In the meanwhile, check this compelling evidence that, in all truth...

SUPERMAN IS A DICK!

superman is a dick

What a DICK!