The Tour The Tour Day Eleven: Sheffield, Sex City

I didn’t tell you about the bus, did I? We got the Alton Towers Staff Bus. It was awesome. Everybody had a red shirt on. And they were all safe. Gossiping about Stuff. Sharing music on headphones. And getting off with each other. It was like being on a school trip, without any dickheads. It was especially refreshing to discover that they weren’t jaded towards rides, despite working in a theme park. They all still loved the rides. We discussed the relative merits of Nemesis VS Oblivion (the latter of which was the first ride we went on yesterday, and Jack Nimble and his icky tummy’s last). And they told us where to get off our bus.

So we made it to Sheffield in plenty of time. Plenty of time to get a good night’s sleep, plenty of time to wake up at a relatively decent hour and visit Jack’s favourite eatery in one of his favourite cities. “I fucking love Sheffield,” he kept saying, “It reminds me of when I was little!”

Which I concurred to be factual. It reminded me of the midlands in the eighties. Ah, sweet hiraeth. I bought some fresh socks for £2, in honour of famous Sheffieldian Joe Elliot of Def Leopard, and because I needed new socks. Then I sat my ass in a Starbucks for the afternoon while Jack went hunting for Robots. I had a lovely time, working away while a seemingly never ending assortment of young women came and went, babbling excitedly about shoes, boobs, bras, boys, dresses, snogging etiquette, and othersuch. I don’t know where all the men where that day, but they were not on Starbucks.

There weren't that many of them on the street either. but there was an awesome lady with an electric guitar singing the praises of Jesus as we were on the banks of the Mississippi River and it was 1928.

It was another great show, in another great venue, with another great night at the merch booth for Akira The Don and his many new friends. We plucked a safe dude called Ewan who was singing along to The Weed Song out of the crowd, who joined me for an acapella duet of that song’s chorus, then helped us out with Oh! He was great, he knew all the words AND he had a good singing voice.

Shout out him. And shout out his buddy, who drew this:

Science, fresh from saving the tour by defending the tourbus from thievery yesterday was on good form, despite needing emergency dental surgery. What he thought was an earache back in Exeter had turned out to be some wisdom teeth issue. I do wonder why they call them that. Where’s the wisdom in a tooth that attacks the other teeth causing great pain and sadness and has t be removed at inopportune moments?

Yeah, me neither. Still, bleeding painful face or no, Science joined Lars up there on that 6 foot high stage to put in the performance of the tour so far. They were on God-Form. They bought the fun, the joy, the clarity, the superpowered tag team rap awesome. They kicked seven shades of shit out of that piece. It was a thing of glory. Science’s redemption was complete.

To top off an already great day, Set Dressing Tim turned up with his rapmobile. No more trains! Rap music in the car! Excellent company! And he bought the smoke! (Which was fortunate, because if Chris had had to go any longer without weed for his apple I fear he might have gone feral). Also turns out Tim is bloody good on the merch table, he got right in there as if he’d been doing it his whole life.

And so begins chapter 3 of three of The Tour The Tour. Brand new wheels, brand new line up. Tomorrow we shall adjust the set accordingly.

We had planned on partying, as the show turned into a classic rock club afterwards, and it was Saturday. But something weird happened to the bouncers after the show finished, and the switched from being the safest droogs to ever have drooged, to terrifying cold blooded psychopaths, and they wouldn’t let Tour Managing Ryu’s blonde friend who recorded the Weerd Science remix of MC Lars' 23 last night back in, so we all went back to the same Travelodge and passed the pipes of peace around in the carpark, then retired to our luxurious quarters to watch the Ultimate Avengers cartoon that safe clart Lee hit me off with back in Oxford. Shit was amazing, but we fell asleep about 15 minutes in. I dreamed I had jetshoes. To the future!