The Kill List Won

Good news! The washing machine is still working! Booya!

I also left the house, which was pretty fucking groovy. I went to visit Dr Stephen Hague in Rye, where he was pretending not to be having a birthday. He played me a bunch of music he's working on for a bunch of huge pop acts, and we watched a shitload of movies. I will review those that I can recal in a brief but hopefully informative fashion.


Firstly, this is a movie it would be good to see without knowing anything about it at all, but it is worth seeing, so see it. Really that is all I will say because I wish to to spoil it for you. Don't read a review, don't read a comments section, shit, don't even read the credits.

If you have seen it, I will discolose what I think it's about in secret invisible writing:

The film shows a man going through "reconstruction", an initiation into a cult that employs mind control, blood sacrifice and child rape in its methods. It is an allegory about war, and the dehumanization of soliders who through ritual are turned into creatures capable of commenting the most gruesome acts imaginable, for whatever reason their masters choose to give. As a treatise on brainwashing and mind control it is also concerned with The Church, government, and contemporary Polite Society.

"Dehumainse yourself and face to bloodshed," as a wise man once said.


A not-much-saying Bob Deniro in Taxi driver impersonating freakazoid (Ryan Gosling) doing some fancy driving and creeping around after a married teenager, with occasional lashing of random ultraviolence, also featuring a frustratingly underused Bryan "Walter White" Cranston and Christina "Whoah Mamma" Hendricks, but a bit better than that sounds.

Midnight In Paris

90s UK sitcom Goodnight Sweetheart (in which a tragic beanpole played by Only Fools And Horses' Nicholas Lyndhurst) undergoing a midlife crisis accidentally discovers a time portal to 1940s London, where he embarks upon an affair with a barmaid and befriends Noel Coward) set in paris, starring Owen Wilson and written by Woody Allen, and a lot better than that sounds.

Crazy, Stupid Love

Middle aged Mr Bean-esque husband (The Office's Steve Carell) undergoing mid life crisis is dumped by his  wife (Julianne Moore) and is taught how to convince lots of young women to have sex with him by a creepy young sex criminal (Ryan Gosling from Drive again, playing a similar but slightly more conversational sociopath), while his son wanks over the babysitter and stalks slash harasses her to the point of what should surely be arrest or sectioning or something. There's also a weird and creepy (a theme here) plotline about a 16 year old lawyer with big eyes getting so upset about a guy she doesn't even remotely give a shit about not proposing to her that she feels compelled to "bang the hot guy from the bar," which I suppose is a spoiler, but I am not in any shape or form suggesting you watch this weird crazy fest. It doesn't have much love in it, but is definitely deeply stupid.


Look at that follower count. Is 177777 the Number Of The Doof? Most decent people  would probably consider The Funny Racist to be an outrageous oxymoron, but such balls crazy anti-human lunacy in the face of common sense can be pretty fucking funny, in laughing at not with sort of a fashion. Big Narstie's favourite movies to watch concern racism, especially those starring skinheads, because he finds them deeply hilarious. His favourite at the moment is Made In Britain. "It's so funny fam. When he calls him 'wog' I nearly died."

Here's Narstie and my stuffed tiger engaging in some lighthearted banter. You're welcome.