Tautology

"I glimpsed the Albert Bridge,It stretched to perspective's end. I sat and dwelt; contemplated, How I fit. And you fit, And each bit, Binds to the next bit. At the heart of it's How it all fits."

And I said hold it right there, as the children lobbed water balloons outside my window, bursting like babies heads as the fire in the sky went out. What, you never knew of a babies' head to burst? Fucking bougie!

Never mind that. Apparently that episode of CSI that my song was in was just on the telly in UK. I was alerted by a barrage of phonecalls, texts, emails, and MySpace messages. And you know what? I still aint been paid for that. Wastemen! Never mind though, a 1.5 litre bottle of Aroma mineral water is only 49p in my Turkish corner shop.

So. Our incredible power ballad, which didn't exist this time yesterday, is flinging itself about the interweb as we speak. Kate in Larmaie, Wyoming, writes,

"Dear Don

Thank you so much for your gift of song to the world, with which you are so generous, and for refusing to keep still. Your voice is beautiful, please keep brining us your soul and sounds, can't wait for the album!"

Which is a nice thing to say. I can't wait for the album either. Soon it will be so long since I made it that I can actually listen to it without just hearing my brain. But, despite the mailsack of love for my bad falsetto, you cannot please all of the people, ever:

"akira man i kinda regret to say this but uve gone soft on me

what happened to the old don from atd 10 and before back when u were fast and obnoxious

hope u bring back the old don soon and get out of this new revalation u came upon within the last few months atleast for atd 13

Automatic Schmuck"

Jeez! Now I know how Mobb Deep feel! Dude, don't stress! It's 07:13am over here in Blighty, I haven't slept again because my brain won't stop doing things, and i just recorded a song that is 236BPM! But I reserve the right to make power ballads! Always!

Yeah.

Ur, so, yeah. Radio 1 have played Boom! every day this week you know. Some people think it should be a single. If it becomes a single, that means it'll have to have a video, and the bass'll have to come up, and we'll have to do swanging remixes and things. If you have opinions on this matter, you can leave them on my BastardSpace thing, as I have too many emails as it is. Not that I'm telling you not to email me. Just don't expect a reply, like, this year.

Serious! I am backed up like Interscope's record release roster! I am losing all my friends! I need a clone! Argh!

OK, I'm gonna make me some breakfast, as I'm up and all. You go read this amusing little interview with my boy Marv The Marsh (stealing my jokes!), and I'll rewind that poem I so rudely interrupted. Forsooth:

I glimpsed the Albert Bridge, It stretched to perspective's end. I sat and dwelt; contemplated, An interest shared with a friend. How I fit. And you fit, And each bit, Binds to the next bit. At the heart of it's How it all fits. How we swing it. Because we're in it. And I wished I could say; 'Hey – Bartender..' 'Cause my drink was finished And I wanted another. Brought to my table, Coins down please. Is that to much to ask for? Down on my knees?! No! I just have to go to the bar, And it's really not that far. I don't need a car, Just the desire for a jar. Barmaid'll treat me pretty, They do in this city. And it is to be So it will Be. And that's just dope, I think you'll agree.

Charlotte Whewell