There is a situation causing me grief right now, that is, apparently, intimately connected to the following horrorful event:

TWO men were abducted, attacked and robbed in Stoke Newington last week.

The men, aged 35 and 50, were taken from Wilmer Place on Friday before being assaulted and were forced to accompany their kidnappers to other parts of London where they were assaulted again.

They were eventually freed the day after and were treated in hospital for their injuries. They have since been discharged.

They were kidnapped by four men. One is described as a slim 32-year-old Asian, who is 6ft tall. He has short,dark hair with a dark goatee beard. He was wearing a brown leather, waist-length jacket, black trousers and black top.

Another attacker is an athletic-looking Asian, who is 6ft tall. He has short black hair and is clean-shaven. He was wearing a grey T-shirt, Army combat trousers and boots.

The third man is white with an Irish accent. He is aged 30 and between 5ft 10ins and 6ft. He has short, greying hair and was wearing green overalls and Army style black boots. The other attacker is a stocky white man.

Police are appealing for witnesses and anyone with any information should call Det Sgt Mike Wade at Hackney CID on 020 7275 3644, or Crimestoppers on 0800 555 111.

What this means? It means I may soon be looking for new walls. In Stoke Newington. All rich people with spare houses they wish to be inhabited for small sums, be in touch.