So, that's a picture of ME, with my GANGSTA NEW PHONE. This time last year I was rocking a Blackberry, and everyone was all like, oh my God, that is amazing, I so have to get one. Now they have. Well fuck them! I got a fuckin really old Nokia, but it's all SHINY and BLUE, and the battery will NEVER DIE, and its software will NEVER CRASH cos all it does it MAKE PHONE CALLS and SEND TEXTS!
It probably also freaks bees out. The bees are all fucking off now. Have you heard about this? The USA lost 60% of its bees last year. Now all of ours are fucking off. Serious! Do you know what Albert Einstein said about bees? He said if they were to bugger off, "man would have only four years of life left". And you know why they're buggering off? Cos they DON'T LIKE PHONES!
AND NEITHER DO WE! They make our sperms commit suicide, they give us massive lumps of cancerous puss in our brains, and they have ruined more a hell of a lot of productions of Hamlet. But what to do? We are all addicted to instant communication. I am having a big ole rethink, that is CHURCH right there.
Anyway. Bees man! What the fuck!
So, Jeres took me to see Feist earlier. It was great, we totally didn't go on the piss at all, and it was seated and everything. I am feeling this sort of civilisation in the live performance. I was reminded throughout of Tom Petty for some reason, later I figured it must have actually been Stevie Nicks I was thinking of. Anyway, shit was ace. Feist has such a beautiful voice, and she moves in a really odd way, which is cool.
Oh yeah, I meant to say, now I done got this gangsta new phone, my number is still the same, but I lost all of YOURS, so text me your numbers please.