See that "BST" thing? See that? British Summer Time. I am no longer in America Land.


It's kind of grey here.

Firstly, I left my phone on the plane, so I had to bugger about at Heathrow for ages. Did I mention I went to the wrong airport in En Why last night too? I suck at life. I did finish the Shane MacGowan book though. Right at the end, he crystalised all my weird thinkings on religion, almost perfectly. I am beginning to feel a lot more at peace. Beginning. I have a long way to go on that stuff. I'll write more about it a little later. It is a big thing. What I am lacking, in my rejection of the Skygod, is the Holy Ghost. I know it exists, I found it in ketamine once, and other drugs, and in rare (and entirely sober) moments of crazy empathy and understanding. We are conditioned to not see a lot of stuff. We HAVE gone backwards in our development. This Holy Spirit, Chi, whatver, thing, I believe it to be the thing we (most of we) cannot (but used to) understand that connects us all. Anyway.

So I was getting on the tube, and overheard the tube attendants having this crazy racist conversation about their fellow workers getting jobs because of their colour, and how unfair it is that people celebrate St Patricks day and all that bullshit.

I got off the tube and all of a sudden these huge gross ugly city dudes in nasty blue suits were bearing down on me, popeyeballed and mong-jawed, all like, "'ELLO LUV". I was like, "you fucking What?" Like totally taken aback, having forgotten about that sort of thing, and very nearly had a fight, but I was going up an escalator and they down. As I reached the top, I heard them turn their attentions to a super hot lady with a baby behind me, bawling, "oi, black TWAT". I was stunned. She didn't even seem to notice.

The weather's a bit nicer now, and I have had good internettychattery things with people I like, and Wade is here and is making me a strawberry and ice cream smoothie and we are going to watch a movie called Rushmore.

It's weird. It seemed I was always in En Why, and always had been. Now it seems I was never there. I dream-ed it all up with my silly brain. Goodbye AIM! Goodbye Spiky, Daffid, James. Goodbye Cherry! Goodbye all of my new friends I met! We never met did we? I DREAM-ED IT ALL!

So, here is my real life. It starts as soon as I post this. I am looking forward to it, kind of.