Guillermo Castro's Dream

castro OK, something's going on round these parts.

I am currently getting about 5 autograph requests a day, from all over the world, via email. Now, I know I'm awesome (hi Mom!), but this seems odd. I have had genuine autograph requests via email before - hell, I sent out a bunch last week - but there's something queer about these ones I'm getting at the moment, I swear. For example:

Dear akira the don .Iam a great fan of you. I would be very happy if you could send me an hand signed pictures of you. I would be very pleased if you could fulfil my wishes. Many thanks in advance for your kindness. Success may always be at your side! Terka Simkova Czech Republic

And:

Dear Mr. Akira the Don

I´m a great fan of yours. Therefore I would be very happy if you could send me a autographed picture of you. I would be very pleased if you could fulfil my wish. Many thanks in advance for your kindness. I wish you all the best for the future.

Yours sincerely, Guillermo Castro Argentina

Here's another:

Hello My firt name is Jean-philippe , il live in france and i am a french fan of you , i like you a lot i write you to ask 2 dedicated photos of you with a small nice word for your french fan, One photo for me and one for my mom , his name is SOLANGE could you send me it? thanks very much and sorry for my bad english Jean-philippe

And so on. Seriously, I have a ton of these. Why do all these people suddenly want my autograph, when they didn't last month? Is this an ebay scam? If so they're going to be disappointed. Am I being paranoid? I suppose there's no reason why these couldn't be real people. Have I been getting international airplay I don't know about? Hi haters! My guns from Al Quadea!

Hmm. Any clues? Guillermo Castro, are you reading this? Are you real?

Am I real? Am I Guillermo Castro's dream? Do I cease to exist when he wakes up? I swear down I felt like I ceased to exist this morning. I woke up in the shower with Radio 4 blaring and a terrible banging at the door. I have no idea how I got there. There was no one at the door, and the words "OJ Da Juiceman" were swirling around my head like a blizzard of crickets. I need help maybe, swear up, down, and sideways.

Or maybe I just been listening to that B.o.B. too much.

Gumbo!

Rah though, Stephen Spielberg is remaking Harvey. Why theufck would anyone want to do that? That movie's as close to perfect as a movie can get, fucko. Leave it alone.