Grandad

"So then Will Young Grandadded me and I was writhing in agony and wine. what's more is 'Time for Heroes' was playing all the time. I mean, it's not their worst song." Said my little brother Alex, (the guy with the big coat on the Places page) who just returned from a weekend of debauchery in North Hampton. "Last night I tried to wear a sanitary towel to get into the genral vibe of being a lady," he said, with some little regret. "I didn't know where to put it though. I'm not a doctor."

He had a very good time "until the Grandad". Grandadding is when someone knees you really hard in the upper thigh. Usually small children.

I know this because I am back at the Maternal homestead in Englandland, and so are all my little brothers. We are about to play Monopoly, actually. It is very cosy.

Anyway. I've downloaded all my PlayLouder emails. There are 20,436 of them. No shit. I have started working my way through. I got a couple hunnerd out the way.

Anyway, it feels good to be back in Englandland, which is very beautiful right now. I was in London for 24 hours, and took the oppurtunity to hop off my wagon for a spell. I hooked up with Jeres and Jeremy yesterday morning and had four pints. I actually broke the booze ban on the plane, when I accepted the air hostesses kind offer of a red wine with my chicken. I felt like celebrating.

I worried I might go crazy or something, but I didn't. Miraculously my tolerance level doesn't seem to have budged much, despite my 15 months abstinence. However, the hangover from 4 pints was so extreme I don't think I shall be going back to a life of booze. I also forgot about the gross clamy skin thing you get afterwards, which is far too disgusting to bear on any kind of regular basis. However, I really, really enjoyed the bottle of champagne I shared with young Jeremy Not Jeres last night, but not as much as the conversation. And we watched Solaris, which I'd forgotten was one of the most beautiful and true things ever commited to celluloid.

For all you Americans who think your eduation system is bad, and that your leaders have foraken your poor, this is for you.