Gay Jade Jagger

Bloody Wade. I awoke today initially baffled then quite furious, and I blame Wade. I shall spare you the details, but I blame Wade. Last night I went to drop off some CDs for Slepton, who works at the Curzon cinema in the West End. Hero was showing, so I watched that. It was a very lovely picture, I enjoyed it immensely. But Wade rang, from Jade Jagger's birthday party round the corner, so I went there after. The place was surrounded by paparazzi, who expressed a mild interest in me, and full of rich people, who did similar. It was awash with expensive booze and fake skulls and jewels and more booze. Someone complained to me that this was a "crap Jagger party" because usually they have "people going round with trays of cocaine." I can't think of anything worse. I wonder if Nicky Halsam does cocaine. He looked like he'd done all of it when I saw him in the toilets, oohing and ahing a lot whilst being harassed by some greasy young interior designer.

Jade Jagger's Dad Mick was there, and my God, he has the silliest head I have ever seen. He is three foot tall and his head is roughly the same size as his torso. He looks like Sim in that Eighties Matchbox video. Similarly weird in the flesh is Pamela Anderson, whose face appears to be made out of orange peel. Wade and my friend Lucifer sort of assaulted her. Well, he snogged her and drank her champagne. And he had a cucumber down his shiny red tights.

I had a long and enlightening chat with Simon from Puppetry Of The Penis as well. He invited me to his penultimate show in London tonight, but I fear if I go I shall end up on a bender of some sort, as it is the Alternative Miss World round the corner, which is my mate Blue's uncle's thing, and you know what that means. No, I need to stay in and make music.

Anyway, the fury has dissipated. Since I started writing this, Daryooooosh popped by to finish the interview he's doing with me for Tank. Daryoosh has all manner of interesting theories regarding laziness and Cool.

Meanwhile in internet land, P Diddy poops himself onstage, I am still terrified of John Kerry, and my friend Luke, son of a vicar, googled himself, and found the devout Christian boy he should have been. This lad has issues. All confused about salvation. "I, Luke Turner, can do ANYTHING I want," he ponders, "short of blaspheming the Holy Spirit, and still go to Heaven when I die. If I want to shoot someone, I can. Stealing, done. Anything my heart desires.

Now I know what you are thinking, someone who does those things is obviously not a child of God. Well why not? Is it because someone who is not saved does not desire to sin? No. Is it because someone who is not saved does not consciously commit sin? No. Or is it because someone who’s life has been changed by Christ does sin but not to the magnitude of murder, rape, etc? I laugh at this one.

Look in your own life! You have consciously sinned many times and in some cases have actually wanted to sin; yet, you did not lose your salvation. And to say that some who is saved is capable of lying but it not capable of murder is preposterous. Last time I checked, all sins were equal in God’s eyes. Murder is on the same level as lying and rape is on the same level as speeding – you might not like it, but it is true. In fact the bible says if you even think about killing someone, it’s just the same as if you had done it."

Poor little bastard! Imagine being in his head all day!

Poor little bastard! Imagine being in his head all day!