FTW: Leonardo DiCaprio's Live-Action Akira Movie "Dead"

akira Zoooo-laaaaaa!

What a beautiful day it is. Hay-fever can eat donkey dick, I don't CARE brothers and sisters... Sun is shining, weather is sweeter, and the live-action Akira movie Leonardo Di Caprio was trying to produce has been pronounced "Dead as a doornail" by not one, but two inside sources, according to Bloody Disgusting.


Thank goodness for that. We can all go about our lives with a sense of some great relief. Praise be to Allah, and anyone else you think might have helped!

See, I used to be quite excited at the prospect of live-action remakes of comic books and cartoons. "That's gonna be AWESOME!" I'd think. "We have the technology now! We can do it! it'll rule!"

Then I saw Watchmen.

Which reminded me - you can have all the money, and the greatest special effects in the world - and you can still get it so epically wrong that your name will ring through history like a bell end. DING! DONG! DOUCHE!

And that will be that. Your grandchildren will cringe at your memory. Even your cats will shun you. It's just not worth it anymore...

Not that Hollywood got the memo. I was just shocked and deeply upset to read that the swine are making a live action version of Battle Angel Alita, MY FAVOURITE ANIME EVER! WANKERS! STAY AWAY! Alita is the most perfect thing there could be, sully it not with your rottery you fucks! PLEASE! I BEG!


Elsewhere in Hollywood, the following are still in production:

Billy Batson and the Legend of Shazam Buck Rogers Caliber Dan Dare: Pilot of the Future Deadpool Doctor Strange Elfquest Ex Machina Flash Gordon G.I. Joe: Rise of Cobra Gambit Ghost In The Shell Green Lantern Hard Boiled Heavy Metal Iron Fist Jonah Hex Judge Dredd Justice League Kick Ass Luke Cage Namor: The Submariner Nick Fury Ninja Scroll Old Boy Preacher Ramayan 3392 A.D. Red Red Sonja Runaways Sgt. Rock Sherlock Holmes Silver Surfer Sin City 2 Sin City 3 Sleeper Spider-Man 4 Starkweather Super Max Superman: Man of Steel The Adventures of Luther Arkwright The Ark The Avengers The Expendable One The First Avenger: Captain America The Flash The Goon The Green Hornet Thor Thulsa Doom Tintin Wonder Woman X-Men Origins: Magneto X-Men: First Class Y: The Last Man

Actually, a few of those look like they could be pretty good. CRAP! What's wrong with me? WHEN WILL I LEARN?!