I think I caused a riot last night by accident, actually. What it was, was, I was asked to DJ the launch do for this magazine, which turned out to be a rather sombre affair, with people sat on cushions watching spoken word "poetry". Tre is loud and so is Zef, so we kept getting shushed. Anyway. Eventually, after much wishying and washying and bloody awful poetry, it was time for me to plug in and play songs, so I did, and lo people did dance, and then I was asked to switch off so someone could do some "poetry". So I did. Then I played Aint No Fun, and a crew of ladies got excited, then I was asked again to let someone "Poet". Annoyed now, but as the girl was in the magazine or whatever, I said OK. The girl then tried to get the crowd to be quiet by shouting at them for about 20 minutes, so eventually I put a song on and people started dancing happily again. But no! One song in, and AGAIN I am told to shut up so people could poet! I am angry now. Girl poets very badly, crowd now very pissed off and divided on party lines between poetry types and Iwannadancecomeonitsmidnighttypes. I take as much as I can and put on Pat Benetar, to squeals of delight. Am asked to be quiet so people can poet again. I unplug my laptop, and start storming out, and am begged to stay and apologised to profusely, then the mother of all bitch fights kicks off between some god awful "poet" and some girl who wanted to dance, which soon turns into an orgy of violence not unlike those barfights in old Westerns. Tre and Michael get very excited, Zef is amused. We bugger off to the Grill Room to enjoy the hospitality of Wade and everybody is very excited by my wee brothers.

5:30 am we arrive home soaking wet.

The end.

PS - read The Independent today.

PPS - Thank you for all your lovely emails. They did warm my cold black heart.