So, I am still awake, and about to go to the gym, WEIRD IDEA, I haven't been to a gym since New York, where I had a trainer called Taj who made me puke. No I am going to go to one in Stoke Newington with my boy Jeres, The Son Of King Rebel, who probably smells of puke cos he is a DRUNKIST.
Haha, I am mean. It seems that I have been accusing Jeres of being a drunk for 6 years now, and he has been accusing me of being an asshole and a hypocrite, and I think we are probably both right. But I do love him, even if he does start throwing popcorn around my house and screaming Justin Hawkins impressions at the top of his lungs at 3 in the morning and knocking everything over, and anyway, when you think about it, those aren't really such dreadful things for a person to do. And even if they were, what slings and arrows of outrageous misfortune are they to suffer in return for a pal such as he? Crappy little ones! Look at him! He is amazing.
A great many of you have been emailing and myspacing me all day about how dope ATD12 is, which is right, of course - it rules! And you are very clever for noticing. But the cleverest amongst you noticed that the sleeve was easily the dopest one ever! And you can thank Soraya, who took the photos, for that, and of course me, for making them into sleeves.
Anyway, Zef made a banner, and had a clever idea of making it so that if you want you can stick it on your myspaceything or your website - (I tried to stick it here but it bust my site, so you'll have to cop it from Murdoch) - so we put that up a few hours ago, and I've since had a few hundred people grab the mixtape as a result, which is quite barmy. This means that Dear Drunken Jeres is now a world famous cult figure adorning webpages from Idaho to Israel, which is bad news for concerned parents everywhere.
And while there has been a lot of love today, I am saddened to hear from 16 year old Michigan resident The Ninja You Don't Yet Know, that I caused him grief today. All the way from Stokey!
"i was listening to you in school and got made fun of lol i thought it was funny oh well," wrote he. Shocks. I hope you Ninjaed them, Ninja. Pow!
But, really, fuck that. I remember being dissed at school for listening to Carter and Nirvana and Run DMC and Aerosmith and Alice Cooper, now look at me! I have a neck tattoo and no day job and girls smile at me on the high street. THE WORLD IS YOURS!
Incidentally, Michigan is creeping up on Baltimore in the Bizarrely Disproportionate Amount Of People Who Like My Records In A Single American Area chart. Watch out.
So, The Guardian reports today that our sexual attitudes are completely different now to 15 years ago, and we are in a world that is saturated with pornography. Part of this they blame on the interweb - in my day you had to walk 6 miles to a newsagent that didn't know your parents and steal a Sunday Sport if you were curious, now you just type "bumsex" into Limewire. Not even that - I searched Family Guy earlier, and got, amongst other things, "Indian Hindu Bitch discredits her family getting fucked by white guy on film Ghandi porn," "Melanie and Tawnee Stone get each other so hot they suck off their brother (incest all in the family)," and "Mom Teaches Daughter How To Suck Cock".
Which one could possibly get in a huff about, if one wasn't entirely desensitised by the daily visage of the magazine rack, all advertisements that aren't for stairlifts, television in general, and, well, pretty much everything on sale, apart from, like, bog roll. They leave that for fucking up puppies. And have you seen MySpace? No, I do not blame the internet for turning 6 year olds into sluts. I blame men in suits with fractals and pie charts and clip on ties and dead eyed daughteres they were pimping from birth. Handlers, they call them. They will burn in a hell of their own making.
I crack me up. Ho ho! What a mad place we find ourselves in. Men should be running around like they won the lottery, but they look like someone cut a hole in their nutsack and pissed in their balls while they were asleep. Men always had it "this good". But now they don't even have to try. This is why they're all getting tit implants and jaw restructuring and injecting their eyeballs with steroids and climbing eastern mountains. They are lost.
Me, I'm joining a gym, and I quit smoking again. I sweat my wifebeater through on the machines and wrote a song about pornography inside my head. I replied to over three hundred messages today.
Birmingham and the Baggies are to be relegated, it seems. Back where they belong. It is sad, but it is just. Anyway. I gotta go to bed. Bear in mind I have been up since yesterday, so if I don't make enough sense, you know why. I KNOW WHAT I MEAN.
Oh, and all my love to my peoples Spiky and Amy in New York, who nearly died in an automobile yesterday, but did not. I LOVE YOU BOTH! And I miss you a lot.