My pal Wade turned up in the bloody Sun, of all places, today, accused of being a former hooker and dating onetime Donette Margo Stilley. Wow. Check it:

THIS is surley (sic) got to be one of the most sexually-charged couples around.

MARGOT (sic) STILLEY - who shot to fame after starring in explicit sex scenes in 9 Songs - has confirmed (sic) she is dating an ex male HOOKER (sic).

The actress arrived arm-in-arm with WADE CRESCENT - a former (sic) member of Stunners International - at the launch of Visa Swap at The Piazza in Covent Garden last night.

The pair previously dated in 2005 (sic), however they looked more in love than ever before as they struggled to keep their hands off each other at the new clothes swapping event (sic).

Wade has given up working as an escort (sic) and last night made a guest appearance at The Cuckoo Club as a DJ.

An source said: “Margot (sic) is so pleased Wade has moved on from his days as an escort (sic).

“She looked like the cat who got the cream, smiling and loitering around the DJ booth as Wade spun tunes.

“She was overheard telling pals she’s the happiest she’s ever been.”

Amazingly enough, pretty much everything in this article is A BIG FAT LIE! As you can tell from all my red (sic)s. Wade is unavailable for comment, as he’s on a plane to Miami, hence my defence. IT IS ALL LIES! READ NOT SUCH TRASH! EVER! LIFE IS TOO SHORT!

Damn!

Margo singing with me and BJ Deacon at the first London ATD show at Islington Accademy in 2005.

Oh sweet baby Jesus and the orphans, I have had a brilliant hangover today. One of those comatose your ass and stop you functioning things. Ijust had to retype that sentence three times. My fingers aren’t responding properly.

This is because of the open bar at last night’s Big Silly Karaoke party, hosted by my pal David Piper. Wade was DJing, Team Why Lout?, Narstie and Littles came through. Marvin has blogged about this already, I am amazed at his resilience. Narstie did that Coldplay joint about fixing people, it was kind of emotional. I was supposed to be hosting this room - my name was on the door and evrything - but I kind of slacked on that a bit. Tego pretty much ran that room all night. Big dude’s like him aren’t as affected by The Sauce as lil’ dudes like me.

Me, I did a bunch of matchmaking, a little singing, some catching up with friends, some nonchalant puking in the toilets… I had an interesting discussion with Professor Green, who had previously been under the impression that I was a massive cock, despite Narstie’s protestations to the contrary. I have no idea where people get these ideas. I’m a nice person!

Wade and Narstie hit it off, which was nice. I do wish I’d taken some photos but I’m sure someone did. Narst just just woke up and is full of regret about what he did to some guy who fell asleep in our room and all the girls told to get their “rat out”.

So big up David Piper, who knows how to throw a party, and big up all my happy drunken friends!

As for me, while I can’t remember getting home, I am impressed that I had the presence of mind to hang my suit up.

Edit: Marvin just posted this video evidence of Narstie shouting “get your rat out”. Wow!

Marvin does some freestyling too, its bad. I think I was chucking up when they filmed this stuff.

I went swimming in London Fields Lido this morning with Wade and The Piper Machine. It was great! I have been imbued with a dramatic clarity ever since. its not like I’m even that good at swimming. In fact, I am crap at swimming. I like to lay on my back and waggle my feet like flippers, and watch the sky drift past. Some guy told me I should get my ass over to the slow side. I smiled, beatifically.

Right now I’m working on a remix of Marvin’s next single, and the Click Clack Blam remix. One should surface within 24 hours.

Click Clack Blam video to drop imminently also.

We are taking it back! And by we I mean me! I am taking it back!

Yes, in honour of the mighty Back In The Day remix (cheers Adam Walton at Radio Wales, Jon Hillcock at XFM and Rob Da Bank at Radio 1for the spins!), this week’s show is comprised exclusively of OLD SKOOL FRESHNESS. It was also done live, which was an interesting experiment, and one I intend to keep up. Oh, and we’ve got Wade on the phone, just back from Tokyo, with tales to tell regarding Simon Le Bon’s Tongue!

Ch-ch ch-ch ch-ch Check it out!

 

 Doncast 11: Back In The Day [70:07m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

iTunes people should go here, the rest of you can subscribe here.

It’s the Day After Zef’s Birthday. All is good in my hood. Sun shines through the window. My back was murdering me this morning, so I read comics in bed before getting up and working, some luxury shit I hadn’t thought to do in years. You’d think, given I don’t have to drag my ass into an office, I’d read comics in bed a whole lot more. Shit, I ate me some Quavers while I was doing it too. Good times!

The comic I was reading, incidentally, was The Ultimates. Have any of you read that shit? It’s basically a re-booted The Avengers, re imagined in some alternative universe. Bruce Banner is something of a neurotic wreck - his girl Betty is a totally harsh PR bitch who treats him like crap and is seeing Freddie Prinze Jr on the side. When he turns into the Hulk he gets mad horny and murks 300 odd people. Fucking weird as.

Giant Man is a power freak asshole who physically abuses his wife, The Wasp. As if slapping the shit out of her during an argument wasn’t enough, dude puts on his Ant Man helmet and sets a swarm of ants on her Wasp-sized ass. That is so dark and hardcore.

Captain America totally fancies the Wasp, so he beats the shit out of Giant Man. The Wasp is unimpressed and tells him to piss off, so he goes and murks a load of aliens. Tony Starks spends the whole time drinking vodka and flying around pissed up in his Iron Man suit, and abusing his butler, Jarvis.

Best of all, there’s Thor. In The Ultimates, Thor is a seemingly delusional hippy who thinks he’s the son of God, and has been put on earth to do battle with capitalist scum like Iron Man. Oh, and Nick Fury is now black and looks just like Samuel L Jackson. I am totally enjoying this stuff, even if it is really cynical, and basically a massive rip-off of The Authority. Even has the same artist  - Bryan Hitch, who I have never really liked, or got, until this run. Dude is actually fucking mad talented. So there.

OK, non-comics geeks come back.

Sorrry about that. What was I meaning to write about?

Oh yeah. One of my Awesome Celebrity Fans, the great Mark Moore of the recently revived S’Express has reviewed Thieving for the UK’s biggest free gay magazine, QX International Magazine.  “Beware the back pages,” warns Mark. “Not for the faint of heart!”

Cheers for the warning Mark! And cheers for the review. It is a very lovely, and factually correct review.

READ IT!

Hail Akira The Don! He has put out a CD of tunes, recorded for EPs over the last 2 years, that didn’t quite make it onto his eagerly awaited, soon come, official second album. But have no fear for this is no collection of second rate scraps and makes a mighty fine album in its own right. “Thieving” follows on from last years mix CD with Wade Crescent, “Stunners 130″, which included some nice mash ups along with wonderful titles like “If I Was S’Express I’d Fucking Sue The Klaxons”. I could not resist and immediately befriended Akira on mySpace and was sent a whole pile of goodies all packaged with some rather nifty artwork. Name checking such heroes and inspirations as Morrissey and Hunter S Thompson you know this is no ordinary hip-hop CD. And Akira is no ordinary rapper which is evident on seeing this white, Welsh raised homie and his long mane of blond hair. The songs are great and the samples include folky, funky and indie loops (Blur, Elastica, XTC). Guests include Lethal Bizzle. Controversy is supplied by political tracks such as “Thanks For All the Aids” which is dedicated to the ‘entirely lunatic, population reducing achievements of Henry Kissinger, the World Bank and the Catholic church.’ It also caused US label Interscope (home to 50 Cent, Snoop Dog and Eminem) to chicken out of releasing the thing. I’ve fallen in love with this CD. Grab it along with his first one “When We Were Young” from 2006 then wait as patiently as you can for the new masterpiece to emerge.

Hello, I have been unable to upload that podcast cos I have no internet in my house and internet cafes don’t let me instal ftp things and my mates who live locally and have internet are refusing to answer their phones. Maybe they will later.

PAXUS!

I read Small Gods by Terry Of Pratchet the other day, it was very funny and clever.

Oh, Thieving will be officially Out within 24 hous, and you’ll be able to buy it on MP3, although the Cd is cooler cos its got a big photo inlay, and there are photos of some of you lot in there I nicked off your myspaces. Didn’t know THAT did you?

Oh, here are some reviews. Cheers Gio!

Manchester Music
4/5

He’s always been threatening to do it and despite successful crossovers into the music media and charts, Akia The Don’s second album may just be the breakthrough. In the meantime though, this collection provides 21 tracks of mixes, versions and collaborations with the likes of Lethal Bizzle and Big Narstie sitting alongside a host of crucial indie samples.

ireallylovemusic

neither a new album, nor a mixtape but somewhere inbetween.
this 22 track self released artifact is a mixed bag of remixes of tracks off akiras major label funded debut, when we were young, acoustic revisits of said major label nightmares, some new bangers, and a couple of special laywer baiting bonus levels that will make you jump with joy, or writhe in agony.

ever since the whole i’m on a major label, oh, now i’m not episode (and if i am right [You’re not! - AK], i think the actual phone message that declared him dropped, has been added to the mix before the gorgeous can’t go to sleep), akira has held back on his flow of mixtapes that were often dropped on his site.

instead, prior to the arrivial of the official second album, adam releases proper fully packaged cds like thieving, with made to measure artwork, and lets his fans throw him a fiver for the love-n-rent and priviledge of hearing his latest adventures, and to be honest, i think this freedom is perfect for his creative urges.

prior to thieving was the mashup/electro/dancefloor madness of stunners 130 that adam made with his hipster party monster wade crescent, whereas for this one, its all about taking it back to his hip hop roots, with a huge slab of pop-n-song thrown in for good measure.

alongside a couple of home made gangsta/chopped and screwed styled productions, the real fun is when adam takes a forgotten classic and goes all freestyle crazy over the top.
of course, most people will know of his nirvana and elastica rips (both of which appear here to complete the jigsaw), but alongside these crowd pleasers are new unexpected pleasures.

to really get the smiles going, he’s grabbed an old warren zevvon classic, werewolves of london, and just dropped the almightiest of slabs of brilliance over the top for werewolves, using the piano party loops as a foundation, the celeb/gigolo scene gets a nudge before descending into a seedy but catchy chorus involving the realities of living in rented accomodation. its hook filled and if not for the massive sample making its official release impossible, a massive radio hit. as would the brilliant xtc heavy giro that tells the story of all how many ex rock stars end up in the line for their giro, or working at woolies, all to the loops of making plans for nigel.

spread over 70+ minutes are many tales of personal issues, some funny, many heartfelt, with references to the troubles of daily life, all matched against the struggles of a man in need to tell the world stories via his chosen art, and in that sense, thieiving is by far one of the most enjoyable hip hop based albums i have heard in a long time.
a fiver well spent suckas.

As promised! A new podcast for you today. Featuring whole bunch of new music including tracks from Thieving, along with special guests Lethal Bizzle, Narstie, Little Man (welcome back bra!), and Wade Crescent, who chat and rap. Not all of them do both, actually, but you’ll see. DONCAST 4 iTunes people should go here. If it isn’t working let me know, I can’t tell cos I haven’t got iTunes you see. Other people, if you wish to subscribe to the podcast, the feed is here.

The world loves Stunners 130!

XFM’s Eddy Temple Morris played some on his show on Friday, cos he’s got taste. Annie Mac sent us a myspace message saying she thinks its great. It is proving very popular in Florida nightclubs, for some reason. And the reviews are coming in, and are mega positive. Hurrah!

“Everything is set to a perfect beat and is peppered with as many songs as you’re likely to recognise - you won’t get bored of this mix session which is as funny as it is inspired.”
Manchester Music

“Back again in his DJ guise, with help from the equally sleazy looking Wade Crescent, The Don is ready to soundtrack your next party or 1 hour car journey with Stunners 130.

If there is to be any criticism, it’s the same thing that makes Stunners great - the amount happening at any one time. Whilst this level of activity makes for dizzying moments of greatness, unless you’re in the mood (drunk and horny), it can simply be annoying, and will sound louder than it is actually is.”
Subba Cultcha

Buy yours now!

Grant Morrisson, my hero, who wrote The Invisibles, which I was banging on about a lot last year, made me cry the other night, did I mention? (Phew, that was a lot of comas). WE3, a story about three animals trying to find their way “home”, might well be the best comic book ever. You should all read it, especially my uncle Maurice and my PPF, who I thought of a lot whilst reading it. I don’t really want to say much about it because the less you know before going in the more awesome and beautiful a surprise it will be, I think… but were I pitching to some Hollywood gibbons? Alien/Water Ship Down. Go geddit.

I stopped reading Youtube comments a long time ago, as they usually go like this:

User 1: OMFFG BST VDO EVR, (insert name) IS GOD

User 2: FUC YOU COCK (insert name) RAPES BABIES YOU SUK DICK FUX U

User 3: UR ALL GAY

But then Wade told me the comments for our Smells Like Stunners (We Love This Thing) video had gotten pretty funny. So I checked them. Here’s an amusing sample:

pretentiouswitch (6 days ago)
why anyone would even want to be in the same room as “wade crescent” is beyond me, let alone make a “video” with this misogynistic women hating psycho. this really shows the true nature of “akira the don” who is not a liberal but a fake arsed whore. women, beware “wade crescent”.

Sickfucker07 (2 days ago)
what a pair of twats! and the track is fucking awful!
you two deserve a good kicking!!

And so on. For the record, I have never claimed to be a “liberal”, nor would I, unbelieving as I am in the left/right fallacy. I have, on occasion, admitted to being a “fake ass whore”. And dudes should really stop hating on men who get pussy, it’s like hating on women who get dick. Misogyny is hating women, not having sex with them. People, be you! We don’t all have to be Oneperson People! I mean, I am. But if everyone were like me then I wouldn’t seem so goshdang special, and then where would I be? Clapton, that’s where. Ew!

Hello people with MP3 players. I have started doing a podcast - to subscribe, PUT THIS LINK (oops) into your Podcast player, or hit this one if you have iTunes.

This week my guests are Wade Crescent, who comes in to talk about Stunners and shagging, and The Svenhunter, who’s talking about Big Brother and, um, Editors. Music from Dizzee Rascal, Lil Wayne, Mercury Rev, Stunners 130 and more. Enjoy ye!