If you are ever in the position to have sex with Courtney Love, do not have sex with Courtney Love.

Serious!

Also, if you are ever in the position to Courtney Love as  a mother… Ah. Yes. oh well.

This Ryan Adams fuckery is so beyond the pale it has entered a whole new spectrum. I was gonna blob blog this, but it has ended up here as the blog speaks little. (Sussing what to blob blog and what to here-blog is proving a little tricky actually.)

Anyway. Ms Love has posted a pair of scary rambling blogs on her Myspace accusing Ryan Adams of stealing close to a million dollars from her daughter’s trust fund four years ago, which he then spent on recording a “shitty” album called Rock & Roll. Forsooth:

does that makje youf eel like a big man ? stealing from a suicide? A MARTYRED HERO? … as God Is My Witness Ryan you will pay back every fucking penny of this. 858,000 dollars for Rock n Roll ? wow you were living large- most people reading this dont even know what record or even artist im referring to , as your just this cult americana wanna be dylan thing-

Yeek!

Love goes on to explain that Adams achieved this via a business manager who applied for 74 Visa cards and 29 Amexes.

so it took 5 years YES to get all 29 amexes sorted through and an absolute time line, so WHAT? have YOU ever willingly ever had 29 amexes? NO! me neither. and when you see a passing “Guitar Center” charge on an amex if your a musician do you double check it?

Ur, yes?

NO! so i had to got o my production manager as that year was especially horrific, and we made a time line, you have NO idea what that few years was like for us, and you’ll all get it soon, as its just a terrible descent into Dante’s Inferno and because i simply do not suspect evil in people, so if some loser is making two albums unlikely as it seems at once and there’s charges for entire outboard gear , fabulous dinners while i scrounged to feed my child…

This bit totally confused me. Was this before or after the tons and tons of plastic suregry? Anyway, that kid don’t look hungry to me.

… well sorry but I’m fucking PISSED, that’s that. Ive tried to “communicate” but am i really supposed to call or write or have a lawyer call or write the former “Business Manager” who applied for the 74 Visas and 29 amexes and enabled all this insanity and say “oh out of the XX,XXXXX you stole would you mind paying for some suck ass indie album” how does one do that? i had a very heavy evening but since we are becoming terrifyingly great, I’m happy to oblige you Gawker people for about oh one more millisecond. Otherwise we are amazing and I’m listening to Lanegan in the wee hours very loud, and he as always is so underrated and so fucking evocative and an American Treasure, and i wonder what hes up to. not an indie record which sucks, not anything he does. NOT TRYING TO BE DYLAN! just trying and succeeding i hope you’ll agree at finding my voice its alright ma, im only bleeding Corkaroonie

Lanegan! Don’t answer the phone!

Anyway. Adams hasn’t done any commenting or anything. Neither has Francis Bean, to my knowledge. Does she have a blog or something? She must, surely? Poor, poor child. Back to you Courtney:

still shooting smack? hows that going for you?

Shit!

The News Of The World has reported that Kurt Cobain’s ashes have been stolen from his widow Courtney Love’s home.

NME writes, “The ashes were said to have been kept in a “pink teddy bear-shaped bag along with a lock of his hair” and were taken with some jewelery and clothes.”

“I can’t believe anyone would take Kurt’s ashes from me,” remarked Love. “I find it disgusting and right now I’m suicidal. If I don’t get them back I don’t know what I’ll do. They were all I had left of my husband. I used to take them everywhere with me just so I could feel Kurt was still with me. Now it feels like I have lost him all over again.”

Wow.

Who would do such a thing?

It’d have to be someone who knows Courtney well enough to know she’s got a pink teddy bear shaped bag
stuffled with ashes of a dead rock star. Unless it was a hapless burglar who nicked the ashes inadvertently whist boosting the aforementioned “jewelery and clothes”. But I doubt it. Who burgles a rock stars wife and only robs “jewelery and clothes”?
Well, burglars lacking strength, perhaps. But its unlikely. If you ask me, the most likely culprit is:

Courtney herself.

She is, after all, batshit crazy.

I mean, if you believe Krist Novoselic (and a shit load of other people) Courtney was crazy enough to have the gardener bump Kurt off for her way back in ‘94. 14 years later she’s surely crazy enough to steal his ashes and go crying to the newspapers about it. When was the last time anyone gave too much of a shit about her lunatic ass? That time she tried to boff one of The Strokes? That time she got plastic surgery that made her look like every other dummy in LA? That time she rolled about on the Kings Road with no clothes on for that Q cover? Blah? Blah? Blah?

I used to be terribly angry when people slagged off Courtney Love, considering it evidence of a male dominated, woman-hating music industry and populace in general. I figured Live Through This was a brillaint record, and people were jealous and mean.

But a lot of things have happened over the years to make me, reluctantly, change my tune. There are a great many tales I could tell you (like the time a very good female friend of mine went back to The Columbia Hotel with Love after Trash and narrowly escaped from the ensuing drysexdrugs “you are all my groupies you fucks” wannabe Zepplin party fuckery with her left tit intact), but now is not the time or the place for that sort of thing.

Nah, now is a time to forget all that crap and listen to this awesome song.

Stream: Hole - Miss World

Boy oh boy I forgot how awesome this shit was…