Cop that? I’m playing records on Friday at Dogstar in Brixton.
Then me and the new look Women will be heading up to Birmingham to play at Drop Beats Not Bombs.
With regards to my statement to the effect that I hadn’t been to the ICA since 2004, Mothboy writes to point out that my stint as a compere for the PlayLouder festival was actually in “2002 ya big daftie… as proved by yer funny facial hair HERE:
Look at that, faithful reader! I was shocked! Look at my 22 year old face! Devoid of mustache! No mane on top of it! Slurring!
Wow.
I wish someone had filmed it.
What happened was, I walked up the stairs at the back of the ICA to the dressing rooms, and there, at the top of them, towering like Goliath, was an already-moist Chilly Gonzles, tying a bright orange tie around his neck. I peered up at him, like Jack at the bottom of the beanstalk.
“Wow,” I said. “You’ve grown.”
The big red head up in the clouds appraised from above.
“You haven’t,” he replied.
So. Yeah. Last night. Gonzales and Le Together Ensemble, plus special guest Akira The Don live at the ICA. Last time I was there it was 2004, and I was compering a week long PlayLouder festival starring people like The 80s Matchbox and Black Twang and Pittman and a then unknown The Killers. I would run onstage a bit drunk and shout at people. How times change!
And last time I saw Chilly it was probably 2002. He invited me to come onstage and rap with him at The Eden Project. I don’t think I was even that good at rapping then. It was awesome. We did some terrible gag involving dental floss, which we yanked between each other’s teeth, chanting “y’all can’t floss with us”. My Crack Village bandmates P$ and Kool Kid Fresh were with me, and afterwards we took the remainder of Chilly’s rider and went off adventuring in these huge biospheres they have there, weird big domes in which Tropical and Mediterranean climates are simulated. I got bitten by a weird Mediterranean spider, which gave me super powers and turned me into The Don. And Kool Kid sprayed “Crack Village” on Pulp’s tourbus, which caused some upset between them and Gonzales. Jarvis and Gonzo, however, are now best friends and hang out together in Gay Par-ee.
“I like to think I played a small part in that beautiful friendship,” I said.
“Perhaps you did,” smiled Gonz.
Anyway. Last night was awesome because:
a: Chilly was everything he used to be and more. The most entertaining thing you will ever see. The most sweat ever seen on one stage. The cartoon ego. The amazing ballads. The showmanship. The piano skills. The implausibly memorable and hooky raps. A brilliant backing band - SoCalled, Katie Moore, Matthew Flowers and Handsome Mocky doing Animal drums.
b: ME! I came on at the end of the show and rapped the first verse from my Working Together Remix and I didn’t fuck up in the slightest! I was awesome! I did awesome pratfalls and everything! If I’d seen me, I’d have been like, wow, that guy with the mane is the SHIT! Sign me up for his fanclub!
So, all in all a great night. Gonzales and Le Together Ensemble are going back to Europe for more dates now. Go see them, your life will be enriched.
If you’re going to the ICA to see Gonzales tonight, pay attention, cos your favourite Blonde Bombshell might well be showing up onstage doing a bit of his Working Together remix.
HOW SWEET WAS THAT?!?!?!?!?!?!
Narstie is some kind of a comedy genius. But I think the Narstie/Shizzio double act has legs like Kim BAssinger. D’you see the bit where Shiz scratches his head on some total Laurel And Hardy shit? I’m so pitching a show to MTV.
Yes indeed.
So. Help me out here. I am kind of bummed out about how crappy youtube makes everything look. I’ve tried various methods of youtube maximation when rendering, but to no avail. Should I be trying one of these other things, like Kyte or whatever its called? Anyone know anything?
EDIT:
OK, so I tried a few things, to little success, then I found a good one: blip.tv. Check that shit out and compare it to the Youtube. Much better right?
When I was a kid growing up on Anglesey in North Wales (I say “on” because it is an Island, doofus), it wasn’t uncommon for pissed up “Adults” to suddenly appear from nowhere (we later discovered it was actually “The Pub”) wielding makeshift weapons (sticks, rocks, planks of wood, bottles) and trying their pissed-up best to savagely beat us senseless, all the while laughing manically and shouting slogans from early eighties action movies.
Usually running away worked as these “Adults” were, after all, but lumbering drunkards, and you could then spend the rest of the day plotting revenge, or sneakily following them around throwing stones at the backs of their heads then hiding behind bushes.
ANYWAY! It is nice to see the tradition still exists. The BBC have footage of a drunk attacking some Star Wars worshiping-geeks whilst dressed in a bin bag and wielding a metal crutch. The piss-head said in court he “had no idea where he got the crutch from”, but I suspect it was probably some POOR CRIPPLED OLD LADY. Wasteman! Lock him up and throw away the key!
Incidentally, the kids that got attacked are the Arch Deacons (or whatever you call them) of Anglesey’s First Church Of Jedi Bullcrap, or whatever it’s called. Charlotte Church gave them five grand to set the thing up. Only I am reporting this connection. The BBC didn’t bother putting that puzzle together. Where’s my Pulitzer?
Entirely unrelated (well…), but Immortal Technique has this new joint about some wastemen raping a lady and pretending to be Tony Montana, which you can download here (link via 2DopeBoyz), It’s a new update of an older joint called Dancing With The Devil. This new version has some Eminemey beat which makes it much better, surprisingly. It is really, really good, and pretty disturbing. Proper old school story telling shit (word to Dizzee).
Finally, I dunno if you remember, but a while ago I mentioned my boy Ben Myers was making a book of spam-inspired poetry. This was a genius idea, and he was first to have it, as far as I know. I was gonna illustrate the thing, but I forgot, what with all the records and poverty. Wish I hadn’t now! The book is out, and it looks awesome. Check out one of the poems after the jump, and go buy the book for a fiver here.
So, I was doing some research for the Back In The Day Remix trailer that’s dropping Monday (whoo!), and I came across this gem from the 40s:
Another lush day in London and I’m inside editing videos. Maybe I can allow myself a wee bike ride mayhap? Hmm?
We shall see.
Anyway! Due to popular demand (we see you Zeph), here’s the MP3 of Zef (He’s Still Great) by me and The Svenhunter.
Enjoy that thing!
Then enjoy Dizzee spitting LARVA on Wayne’s Fireman beat. I got excited!
I’m toying with the idea of having a messageboard on here. I suspect, you see, there is a mine of knowledge, thought wisdom and hilarity in youse lots, that, if left to your own devices, could turn into something wonderful. Any thoughts on that? Yae? Nae? Any type in particular you like?
Oh, and here’s another Superdick.
Actually, that’s kind of fair enough. OK, THIS is a real Superdick.
Look at his FACE! Oh GOD! I will never sleep again!
Some stills from the Click Clack Blam video for you to look at here.
I have uploaded the Click Clack Blam acapella for you too. It’s here.
I have uploaded the Click Clack Blam instrumental here.
I have a hangover.
Groo!
Damn homie! That is cold!
Why was silver-age Superman such a dick anyway? I don’t get it. Silver-age Batman was quite nice, as millionaire playboy night-avenger types go. Whereas naughties All-Star Batman is a total dick. And naughties All-Star Superman is the safest guy in the universe.
HMM!
Anyway. The Ultimates 1 and 2, for you information, were brilliant, and I recommend them heartily. Clever, funny, well put superhero/political satire that is neither preachy nor trite. I will never forget the full page splash of Captain America frantically pointing to the A on his mask screaming, “Surrender?! You think this “A” stands for FRANCE?!?!?!”
Sadly, the spanners up at Marvel have ruined the whole thing with The Ultimates 3. “Written” by Jeph Loeb and drawn by crazed misogynist Joe Madureira, this new series abandons the realism of what came before, reverting, miserably, to typical 90s superhero fare, all exaggerated breasts, unfeasibly sparse costumes, and Wolverine cameos. It is the stuff that made me stop reading comics in the first place. Avoid as if ’twere plague.
In non-comics news, The Back In The Day Remix and Click Clack Blam videos are nearing completion. I’ve been working out how to do do stuff with colour in Vegas, it is pretty exciting. Click Clack is looking so fucking sick!
By the way, there are a few new joints in the gallery, including a dope new picture of me and Zef by MalariaMan. Check that shit out!
