No Bird For Birdman
Or: The Hilarity Of Internet News

So, Lil Wayne’s sugadaddy Baby, AKA The Birdman got arrested the other day. Yesterday’s reporting was pretty hardcore. Apparently, the Number One Sunna was caught with a load of weed, a bunch of guns, and “his 18 year old wife”.

“Cash Money Records CEO and president Baby “Birdman” Williams and brother Ronald “Slim” Williams were among 16 people arrested yesterday in Kingsport, Tennessee for possession of over a half-ounce of marijuana each,” wrote HopHopDX. “The Williams brothers and the entourage were traveling in an RV on Interstate 81, when they were stopped by police troopers for allegedly forcing an 18-wheeler truck into the emergency lane for a yield.

The 38-year-old Birdman, who was accompanied by his 18 year-old wife Brittany, was held responsible for the marijuana that was discovered in the kitchenette garbage can. In addition to the Williams brothers, at least three other Cash Money Records executives were arrested in the incident… The Bureau Of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms is also involved due to a .45 pistol found on the scene too.”

Oh no! The internets went nuts with chat about that 18 year old. Then Baby got out of jail and someone (MTV) bothered to talk to him. Apparently the weed was a “misdemeanor amount”, and the guns were registered to his security detail, and have already been returned by authorities.

“The guns we had were good,” said Baby. “I do carry a gun and I am licensed. Tennessee is one of the states I can tote in. We know the guidelines. They make you aware of everything in [marksmanship] class.”

And the girl?

“I’m not married,” said the outraged Birdman. “Never! Been! Married! Plus, that girl was 18! I don’t get down like that! Plus, if I was married, why would I keep it a secret?”

Apparently the girl was a friend of one of the other arrestees.

Baby and his brother Slim were charged with possession of more than a half of an ounce of marijuana and released after posting $1500 bonds this morning. They’re due back in court on March 18th.

When I first heard this, I thought it was dreadful. Now I realise I was wrong. It is brilliant.

Coming to a sky near you:

Government controlled flying saucers that taser you in the ASS!

Taser International, the company behind the increasingly-used and quite lethal weapons (a Polish man died recently after being tasered twice at Vancouver Airport) is currently hard at work “developing a mini-flying saucer like drone which could also fire Taser stun rounds on criminal suspects or rioting crowds”.

The company expects the crazy thing “to be launched next year and to be sold internationally”, writes AFP.

In other news, The Jackson 5 have reformed, and Morrissey is going on tour.

Good times!

I dunno how many of you know this, but I still do a little bit of music writing, to keep the wolves from the door in a not-wholly unpleasant manner. PlayLouder dot com, for instance, pays my bank loan, and in return, I crib “news” stories. Like this one:

Wu Round 2
RZA On The Rae Beef

RZA has spoken on Raekwon’s recent comments in which he aired out his
disgruntlement with RZA’s direction on the forthcoming Wu-Tang reunion
album, 8 Diagrams.

“Wu Tang belongs to the world the world… It aint just a
bunch of tough talk,” said RZA. “Raekwon’s album would be just some
punch you in the face music… and it’s like, yo - I punch you in the
face… but as you grow into a man you start respecting other men’s
positions… your music start reflecting that. Knowledge means to know
look listen observe and also, what? Respect. What he wanted was a punch
you in your face album. But we already did Cuban Links 2
already. We drop that after this, and you can punch whoever you want in
the face. You don’t hear me do no Bobby Digital rhymes on this album. I
ain’t talking about how many girls I be bonin’ and how big my joint is.
On Wu-Tang I come in a more respectful way.”

On Rae’s financial gripes, RZA added: “I ain’t never ever take no
money from nobody and I ain’t owe nobody no money. I pay my bills.”

So thurr son. Watch the whole interview, with the UK’s own Westwood, below.

Following reports last week that Usher has converted to Scientology, another black superstar, Will Smith, has admitted to studying the cult’s doctrines.

“I’ve studied Buddhism and Hinduism, and I’ve studied
Scientology through Tom [Cruise],” Smith told Men’s Vogue Magazine. “Ninety eight percent of the
principles [in Scientology] are identical to the principles of the
Bible… I don’t think that because the word someone uses for spirit is thetan that the definition becomes any different.”

Scientology is evil in a way other religions could but dream of. Just look at this guy I saw in New York last year doing “personality tests” on the New York subway!

Big up all for the other night! There were no arrests! It was ace! We did new songs and everything. Booya.

I am off to see Kanye at O2. Bet he’s not as good as Prince.

Photos by Pizzagirl

First: We’re playing a free show at Brick Lane’s Vibe Bar in London tonight. Me, Mary, BJ, Narstie, Little Man. Come on down!

So, last night Narst, Littles and me drove into town to check Logan’s Kiss FM show - Narst did an interview and spat some choice bars. Littles and me dropped a little bit on it - would have done more, but things didn’t pan out like that anyway.

Still, we had fun, and were in a good mood when we got in the car and headed back to Don Studios.

Until, that is, the Police did some profiling and stopped us. They kept us there for just under an hour - Littles stood outside in the pouring rain the whole time - while they made jokes about “the fattest man in the world and the bearded lady”, trying as hard as they could to get some kind of a reaction so they could cart us back to their pig pen and stick us in a box.

No chance! We were innocent men like Billy Joel, so eventually they let us get on our way. By which time the car’s fan had run Little’s car battery down. Push starting didn’t work, so we had to try and flag down some help. Unsurprisingly, folks were reticent to stop, but eventually someone did.

And we got home.

SOLD OUT

All Star ATD15 artwork on a lovely red T-Shirt.

£15. Small, Medium, Large or Extra Large. Allow 12 days for delivery. Orders taken between now and Nov 23rd come with a Doodle by Me.

Use Paypal, or any major credit or debit card. Ho ho ho!

Size

SMLXL

Awesome news!

MASCOUTAH, Ill. - Two hugs equals two days of detention for 13-year-old Megan Coulter.

It states: “Displays of affection should not occur on the school campus at any time. It is in poor taste, reflects poor judgment, and brings discredit to the school and to the persons involved.”

The message: Hate > Love

Ask any rapper.

From Who Is Ioz:

Wait, We’re Still in Iraq?

Well, it appears that the shit is still fucked. Shall we review?

Many moons ago, the Brits set up their Iraqi mandate and created a nation with grossly disproportionate power in the hands of a minority group. While it is true that alliegiences and alliances in Iraq have always been subject to suprasectarian considerations like tribe, clan, and region, and ethnicity, it is also true that by and large the Arab Sunni minority has dominated and the Shi’ite majority has been repressed. Then, on three kinds of whim and five kinds of evil intent, the United States broke down the door, invaded the place, and busted up an arrangement that for all its unfairness had maintained that country’s territorial integrity for many years, even through a debilitating war in which it lost perhaps a half a million, perhaps a million men. Having busted up that arrangement and found our arrival met with less than the expected enthusiasm, we first set about to rule in a purely procunsular manner, but then settled for something more properly resembling a distant Roman province, deigning to give the People–ah, the People–some control over their own affairs. We whipped up a froth of elections as if Iraq were a New Hampshire of hamlets and diners. Then we realized that everyone was going to get blown to hell, so we clamped a lock on the country, banned vehicular traffic, and held a goofy martial-law plebiscite for a European-style proportional parliament. New Hampshire meets Switzerland meets the Road Warrior.

Surprising to none, the country’s large Shi’ite majority won out through superior numbers and took over the government. The Sunni, now even more dispossessed than they’d been under direct American rule, started bombing the hell out of everything, and thus became enemy number one. In particular, they directed their ire at the ruling dogs, as dogs who once ruled and don’t anymore are wont to do. This lasted for years. Years. Don’t forget. Now, of course, as Iraq devolved into armed chaos with wild gangs of Americans killing who the fuck knows whom or what and Shi’ites, now in charge, suddenly riven by their own internecine divisions, foreign alliances, and what have you, and with various and sundry terrorist groups operating under a constellation of revanchist ideologies with all the rigor of an undergraduate dorm rap, but with more guns, suddenly exploding even more shit all up and down Iraq, the very Sunni organizations who formed the core of the initial insurgency, seeing opportunity–for let it not be said that they lack in opportunism–made overtures to the American occupiers, knowing that America, desperate for signs of progress, would do anything and not think about it first.

Now the Americans are largely incapable of telling a Sunni from a Shi’ite from a Maharashtran Hindu from an Ecuadorian day-laborer toiling away under the heavenly aegis of the Holy Mother and the many candle-bearing saints. Iraqis, meanwhile, appear to be able to tell each other apart, and so, among a thousand other reasons for the parties to the Iraqi “government” not to agree on anything, not the leFast of which is the fact that they are powerless agents of a government with no force monopoly who may as well use their sinecures to save up in case they have to flee for an expatriate’s life in London, there is the fact that the Shi’ite majority seems to remember that these were the very fuckers who were trying to bring them down in the first place, and are therefore understandably skeptical about inviting them into the henhouse for a chat.

Over the years, many of you have asked for higher quality mixtape downloads, and to be able to buy the thing as separated tracks.

A 320kbps Unicode CD quality MP3 version of All Star ATD15, split into individual tracks, is available now for the princely sum of £4.50.

You can use Paypal, or any major credit/debit card.

Thanks for all your kind words regarding the mixtape. Those of you with access to London might be interested to know I’m playing a free show at Brick Lane’s Vibe Bar this coming Tuesday, November 20th, at which I’ll be playing tracks from When We Were Young, ATD15, and the as yet untitled second album. Expect special guests, and Mighty Jeremy Allen. We’ll be onstage around 9:30.

The wait is over.

All Star ATD15 is live.

Get the 160kbps MP3 here.

Since so many of you have asked over the years, you can get a 320kbps Unicode CDQ version, split into individual tracks, for the princely sum of £4.50.

You can use Paypal, or any major credit/debit card.

Forsooth!

Tracklisting:

1: Superman Intro
2: Akira The Don ft Pixel, Narstie, Little Man & Mr Lacey - Tooken Over
3: Akira The Don - Get Money
4: Akira The Don ft Narstie & Little Man - So Good
5: David Hasselhoff Drop
6: Akira The Don - Curb Crawling Rapist Scumbag’s Anthem
7: Rage Against The Machine - Sebastian’s Late Night Laptop Remix
8: Akira The Don - Da Sirens
9: Pydos In Sydos - Angry Pirate (Akira The Don’s Angry Dego Remix)
10: Akira The Don & Mr Lacey - Body Rock
11: Andrew WK - When I’m High
12: Lethal B - Crash
13: Silicon Vultures - Sour Tits (Akira The Don Remix)
14: The Cribs - Our Bovine Public (Akira The Don Remix)
15: The Crimea ft Akira The Don - Loop A Loop (Akira The Don Remix)
16: Gruff Rhys - Hello Sunshine (Live)
17: Akira The Don - After The Police
18: Akira The Don ft Mr Lacey - Tip Back
19: Akira The Don ft Bashy, Mr Lacey & Pixel - Crowley (That’s Cos They Ain’t Soldiers)
20: Narstie, Akira The Don & Little Man - I’m Going (Anywhere You Know)
21: Patrick Wolf Drop
22: Scott Walker - Mathilde
23: Akira The Don - 7654321 DIE
24: Powerwolf Drop
25: Powerwolf - In Blood We Trust
26: Polish National Anthem
27: Akira The Don ft Lois Winstone - Everybody Knows

Detailish:

Sleeve by Akira The Don & Zef

2: Extra guitar by Jeremy Allen
6: Contains elements of Billy Ocean - Get Into My Car, David Hasselhoff - Jump In My Car & RZA ft. ODB - Black Widow Pt II
8: Daft Punk Da Funk & Dizzee Rascal - Sirens
9: Ft Dego Brown
12: Produced by Akira The Don
16: Recorded for XFM Scotland
17: Contains elements of Carter The Unstoppable Sex Machine - After The Watershed & Lethal Bizzle - Police On My Back
19: Produced by Akira The Don
20: Produced by Ripperman
23: Contains elements of Cutting Crew - (I Just) Died In Your Arms & 4, 3, 2, 1 - LL Cool J ft Method Man, Redman & DMX
27: Produced by Akira The Don

Engineered Recorded and Mixed by Akira The Don at Don Studios III, Clapton.

PAX!

I was very wary of a Calvin And Hobbes spoof, loving as I do, Calvin And Hobbes.

But this is great. Cheers Colin!

New joint from ATD15 - So Good ft Narstie & Little Man.

So, as noted, the Carter The Unstoppable Sex Machine gig we caught on Friday was easily one of the greatest live events I have witnessed. Boy oh boy, what a show! What an atmosphere! What awesome tunes!

Super Furries weren’t bad on Saturday neither. No sir.

So then - today’s revelations: It was ho-ass British Ho-lice that caused the fight that got Snoop Dogg barred from this country. Watch this video, and see for yourself. See Snoop playing with kids, having a nice time in the departure lounge! Then see Ho-lice trying to fuck with him! See Snoop leave the Ho-lice the hell alone and try to board his plane! Then see Ho-lice PUSH him for NO REASON!

Well, that’s how it appears to me. And KNOWING British ho-lice as I do, I am so not surprised.

In other news, Anita Thompson says Rolling Stone editor Jann Wenner’s new book about Hunter is a vile hatchet job, an ugly collage of nasty quotes and an affront to decency. So there.

The best gig ever.

Hey! Here’s some swell stuff to buy. We take all major credit cards, debit cards, and paypal. Enjoyo!

ALBUMS!

Available on CD and MP3

Thieving

All Star ATD15

Stunners 130

When We Were Young

AWESOME T SHIRTS!

Thieving

Akira The Don & The Women (in stock)

All Star ATD15 (sold out)

Thanks For All The AIDS T (sold out)

ACAPELLAS

Thieving Acapellas