Yo, Superbaz- you just tried to buy an MP3 of Stunners 130, but your email is bouncing. Chuck us your real one quick so you can be like CrazyJane206 who just bought hers all the way from Texas USA and is bumping it right now!

The rest of youse, James Hyman is playing an edited version (ie no swears - well, less swears) on his XFM show this Saturday night, so tune in.

Oh shit, GZA’s done a Jimmy Pop and put togther some REAL documentary shit for you and me! Check Raekwon shouting out U God! Ghost’s beard! Wow! I am so excited! Wu-Tang makes me excited like Christmas does Western-ass prepubecents! Suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!

So, here I am, packing up my house again, throwing away crap and wondering why I still have so many DVDs despite decemating my collction just 6 months ago, and what do I keep finding? Half finished packets of chewing gum. This has been happening to me since I was 15, and I don’t even really like chewing gum. But every time I move I find a whole lot of half emptied chewing gum packets. It is totally doing my head in.

Hmm, I just got totally distracted from my work for, like, half an hour reading about Lil Wayne. But never mind that - my little brother Alex has made his first podcast (I am one of his guests), The Spice Girls have reformed and we lucky fools in the UK somehow have a new Government. What The Fuck? Apparently today they “discussed the flooding crisis”. That must have been fun. Since we have that marvelous Civil Contingencies Bill as LAW now, they can, in the case of flooding, suspend parliment.

True story. I do not lie. In the event of flooding - go read it - they can suspend parliment.

Shit, they can do all sorts of crazy stuff. Check it:

Stuff they can now get up to with impunity in the event of flooding mentioned in the Civil Contongencies Bill:

* Confiscation of property, with or without compensation
* Destruction of property, animals or plants; with or without compensation
* Deployment of the armed forces
* Forced movement, to or from a place
* Forcing a person to act, without remuneration or compensation
* Prohibiting assembly
* Prohibiting travel, or virtually any other activity.

Serious! In the event of flooding they can nick your house, shoot your dog, sic the army on your ass, then send you to Coventry to make killer robots out of the bits of your dead dog and some rusty tin cans for NO MONEY, while not allowing you to go and meet your mates in town and see the new Die Hard movie! SERIOUS! How fucking NUTS is THAT?!

Yes, I that’s what I thought. To the hills, Maude, and bring the shotgun!

14. Horrorism: The propensity of ill-educated youths (and the press who represent them) to champion derivative music.

A nice readerlistener called Graham writes:

“hi bro just wanna ask you a question, a few people have been saying that it was your song that was used on an episode of Hollyoaks last friday, but other people have been saying it aint cause it dont sound like it, a lot a people want to get it so i thought i would ask you to take a look at the vid and tell me if it is or not, if you could reply and let me know id be grateful. heres the link, the song is right at the end of the vid (it starts just as the 3 girls phone the ambulance)

graham”

And cheers you, Dr Graham. Indeed, the good people at Hollyoaks have been caning a song of mine called Dead Babies - it’s shown up a bunch of times over the past few months, and my spies tell me it WAS played on Friday’s show - but it isn’t that song at the end (unless they slowed it down a lot and changed the pitch). It’s the song they also play at the start of this episode, cleverly YouTubed below…

So there you go. Televisual Glory. I am very proud to be soundtracking this beautiful boy/boy love affair. Long may it continue. And long may you lot continue to inform my non-television-owning ass about my televisual appearances. I thank you.

Today I feel quite dreadful, but I am getting a lot of evil crap done, so that’s something. I ran into my old pal Blake yesterday, who I haven’t seen for nearly a year. In that time he’s married a famous popstar, but it hasn’t changed his lifestyle much, bless him. The two of them are very sweet together indeed, and I am very happy for him.

In other news, it would have been my pal Wade’s wedding anniversary today. Well, I suppose it still is. Anyway, may our hearts all go out to Wade, who is ace. Love is waiting somewhere for you, buddy.

It’s still grey in London, which is rude of it, but what you gonna do? Cry? Maybe. I can see why people do. Wah! Wah! The grey! The grey!

Here’s a joke for you: Bloke walks into a bar. Bloke gets concussion.

Boom boom!

That’d be the video for Lethal Bizzle’s ‘Jump’, costarring Fire Camp, Jeremy Allen, and ME! Me! It’s all about me!

Haha. Jokes dot com.

The world loves Stunners 130!

XFM’s Eddy Temple Morris played some on his show on Friday, cos he’s got taste. Annie Mac sent us a myspace message saying she thinks its great. It is proving very popular in Florida nightclubs, for some reason. And the reviews are coming in, and are mega positive. Hurrah!

“Everything is set to a perfect beat and is peppered with as many songs as you’re likely to recognise - you won’t get bored of this mix session which is as funny as it is inspired.”
Manchester Music

“Back again in his DJ guise, with help from the equally sleazy looking Wade Crescent, The Don is ready to soundtrack your next party or 1 hour car journey with Stunners 130.

If there is to be any criticism, it’s the same thing that makes Stunners great - the amount happening at any one time. Whilst this level of activity makes for dizzying moments of greatness, unless you’re in the mood (drunk and horny), it can simply be annoying, and will sound louder than it is actually is.”
Subba Cultcha

Buy yours now!

Grant Morrisson, my hero, who wrote The Invisibles, which I was banging on about a lot last year, made me cry the other night, did I mention? (Phew, that was a lot of comas). WE3, a story about three animals trying to find their way “home”, might well be the best comic book ever. You should all read it, especially my uncle Maurice and my PPF, who I thought of a lot whilst reading it. I don’t really want to say much about it because the less you know before going in the more awesome and beautiful a surprise it will be, I think… but were I pitching to some Hollywood gibbons? Alien/Water Ship Down. Go geddit.

I was bring filmed talking about myself for an hour earlier, so I don’t intend to talk about myself any longer today. The air is hot enough, here in glorious Stoke Newington. Let’s read Grant Morrisson talking about himself, he is great. Check him talking about CCTV:

“The character Reuben Zion in The Invisibles was created as a comment on [surveliance society] - he was someone who saw the cameras-everywhere society as an opportunity to turn his dull life into an ongoing performance art masterpiece - because that’s what our lives are now. Policemen sit agog before multi-screens, watching the great and endless reality show of our Friday night wanderings through the town centre. We should dress up for them, stage weird dramas in city streets, perform inexplicable one-act improvs depicting scenes of arbitrary kindness, perversion and bizarre revelation. If we must have cameras recording our every move, let’s live up to all this attention.”

Great idea, non? I mean, i tend to flick Vs at cameras. Pretty juvenile, I know. Must Do Better.

Let’s have more Grant.

“Everyone who liked The Invisibles should read the Filth if only for the reason that if you follow the conclusions of The Invisibles to their limits, you will NEED The Filth to make sense of what happens next in your life. There is no ‘magic’. We’re all going to die, like all our heroes. It’s already happening and is just a question of waiting for the moment. Life is an in-between state, a bardo where consciousness sees its own reflection in matter and hopefully learns something painfully beautiful about its nature and purpose.”

Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeah!

I am full of pollen today, and still looking for a house. Where is my house? Is it so much to ask?

Perhaps it is.

Hot with no sun is weird.

Having to find a house to live in when you’re not rich is hard work.

Getting rung up by debt collectors for money you shouldn’t actually owe at all, had fairness anything to do with anything, is depressing.

Discovering you were charged out the ass for a service you did not use for 5 months is depressing as well.

When you tell property managers and letting agents you want to live in Stoke Newington, they show you relatively cheap houses in Clapton.

This is deceptive and shystish.

Stoke Newington is lovely.

Clapton is a shithole.

My flatmates would rather live somewhere very cheap and shitty than somewhere less cheap and pretty.

I see why.

I get it.

Really though.

I am not best pleased with what money does to us.

Lucky

Some of the best things in life

If not free

Are dead cheap.

I shall hop on my bike and ride in a minute.

Swoosh!

That’ll show the lot of ‘em.

I stopped reading Youtube comments a long time ago, as they usually go like this:

User 1: OMFFG BST VDO EVR, (insert name) IS GOD

User 2: FUC YOU COCK (insert name) RAPES BABIES YOU SUK DICK FUX U

User 3: UR ALL GAY

But then Wade told me the comments for our Smells Like Stunners (We Love This Thing) video had gotten pretty funny. So I checked them. Here’s an amusing sample:

pretentiouswitch (6 days ago)
why anyone would even want to be in the same room as “wade crescent” is beyond me, let alone make a “video” with this misogynistic women hating psycho. this really shows the true nature of “akira the don” who is not a liberal but a fake arsed whore. women, beware “wade crescent”.

Sickfucker07 (2 days ago)
what a pair of twats! and the track is fucking awful!
you two deserve a good kicking!!

And so on. For the record, I have never claimed to be a “liberal”, nor would I, unbelieving as I am in the left/right fallacy. I have, on occasion, admitted to being a “fake ass whore”. And dudes should really stop hating on men who get pussy, it’s like hating on women who get dick. Misogyny is hating women, not having sex with them. People, be you! We don’t all have to be Oneperson People! I mean, I am. But if everyone were like me then I wouldn’t seem so goshdang special, and then where would I be? Clapton, that’s where. Ew!

“If you have two brothers put into a cage and deprive them of the basic essential needs for life, they will fight.”
Ziad Abu Amr

Nice one to all who were safe at Cambridge last night, despite the sub-Nazi weirdness. I am excited about these new songs. Album number two is looking like a great leap forward. I am going to have to recruit a bassist and a drummer to make this work live. Maybe two drummers. Any ideas?

I was supposed to be playing a hip-hop set last night. But no one was dancing to any hip-hop, the room was empty when I showed up, despite sopme fucking amazing music. So I played ‘Girls Just Wanna Have Fun’, and the place suddenly filled with happy dancing girls. So it goes, people! There were a lot of ladies in red for ‘Lady In Red’ too. And boy do those uptown girls like ‘Uptown Girl’.

In the van on the way to the show last night I read the most succinct take on the current Palestinian crisis I have for some time. Go cop Johan Hari’s wisdom, he’s not pulling his po face today.

In other news, L Man’s new video is exceedingly good. L Man is turning into a great emcee. He needs to get back with Narstie, that’d be amazing.

Very quickly - go to Kevin Rowland’s MySpace and listen to Its OK Johanna, and try not to bawl your eyes out like a fat baby with no pie.

That is all.

So, I was very excited about last night - Lethal Bizzle was playing the 100 Club, and I was going to get to see some of the stuff we worked on for his album live for the first time. Plus, he’d asked me to come onstage and do Babylon’s Burning The Ghetto with him, and I considered that an honour, actually. Watching him doing ‘Oi‘ I realised how big - I fucking loved that song when it came out. It was probably the first truly great British rap record - it could only have been made in London, and its production gave no clues to its creator’s love of New York rap, but paid its debts to the rap motherland via Ozzie B’s Wu-Tang Clan referencing. Oi was a truly important record.

So, yeah, anyway, I was very happy to be there. Bizzle’s set wad ace, Babylon was ace, and I met lots of ace people. Sway came backstage to say hi, and was exceedingly polite, as was Skinnyman, down the front with a bevvy of ladies as is his wont smoking spliffs. Scroobius Pip was also very nice so I gave him a Stunners mixtape, he is on it after all. I didn’t give Ghetto one. Ghetto looked kind of pissed off, but maybe he had hayfever. The tree sperm is nuts right now.

Anyway, I woke up at 5 this morning with some horrible illness, but that is because the universe is balanced so I am not too bothered.

Now I have to decide whether to sample Dexy’s Midnight Runners, tidy up, or go back to bed with some comics and, like, get better. It is a tough life, to be sure.

Cheers Elijah for the pic!

I was kind of in shock, last night. I couldn’t work on my Silicon Vultures remix anymore. So, I stayed up till 2 reading comics, then I lay awake for an hour or so failing miserably to achieve past-life-regression, dreamed about war, got up at 10, and was drenched by sunshine. Sun to me is like crack to a Fiend. I put on some Journey records and caught up with my correspondence (when I say “caught up”, I mean, “nibbled at the edges of the mountain”, but so what? It is an achievement regardless). When I’d run out of Journey records, I put on SKY FM. It was playing Journey. I was glad. Journey make me feel great. ‘Don’t Stop Beliveing’ is one of my Desert Island Discs.

I knew they would play ‘Don’t Stop Believing’ at the end of The Sopranos, and they did. The Sopranos is over now. The perfect end to the perfect series. The Sopranos justified the televisual medium. No written word communicated so perfectly the human condition as that show. The last few frames made my heart stop, momentarily. And that last shot of Pauly broke my heart. If you don’t have a clue what I am on about, I suggest you set aside a little time, and start at the beginning. The Sopranos was as good as Fear And Loathing, Dead Babies, Little Women and Watchmen.

A while ago, I sampled ‘Don’t Stop Believing’. I kind of had it pegged as the centrepiece for album number two. But I dunno now. Maybe I should leave well enough alone.

Yo, I want this for my birthday.

Hello people with MP3 players. I have started doing a podcast - to subscribe, PUT THIS LINK (oops) into your Podcast player, or hit this one if you have iTunes.

This week my guests are Wade Crescent, who comes in to talk about Stunners and shagging, and The Svenhunter, who’s talking about Big Brother and, um, Editors. Music from Dizzee Rascal, Lil Wayne, Mercury Rev, Stunners 130 and more. Enjoy ye!

Melissa, of London writes:

“We just had your stunnazzzzzzz mixtape on the office stereo and it occurred to me that it’s the most perfect running music EVER. Perfect tempo, recognisable songs you can sing along to, and a short enough attention span that you don’t get bored by minute 6 of the same song. We need this as an MP3!”

Well Melissa, look no further thanh akirathedon.com! You can now buy a high quality MP3 of the Stunners 130 experience for just £4.50. Click the button below to use your paypal, credit, or debit card to ENRICH YOUR LIFE EXPERIENCE, now!

Buy the CD for £5:

>

So, Stokefest happened in Stoke Newington yesterday. It was sort of like Glastonbury used to e, but not quite as big. It was pretty bog though. A lot bigger than last year. I will take credit for this, obviously. We had lots of fun, thank you, especially young Alex, who had two costume changes (the second can be seen in Rachel’s lovely picture), stole my telephone, locked us out of our house and fell asleep in the stairwell, leaving me to spend a couple of hours breaking in. He just woke up, and is wondering the house bleairishly, hunting his lost sim card.

In other news, my boy Jeff’s new website just launched, go check it out, its pretty. Its got a dinky record player on it and everything.

It’s still a mailroom in here - the Stunners preorders are all out now, and the post-orders are going through. One man in Canada ordered 4 CDs, what a nutter! Oh, and per your email enquiries, I am trying to get the Stunners 130 MP3 up - my MP3 shop won’t host it cos its too big. You may have noticed the site went down again on the weekend. I have sever hosting issues. It is a crying shame. Boo! Hoo! Hoo!

Video Of The Week: El-P’s Smithereens. Gitmo! Gitmo!

Stunners 130 is out now, on CD and MP3.

Stunners 130 is the best mixtape anyone has ever made, ever - a one hour sound collage that is guaranteed to ignite a party in even the most depressing circumstances *. A couple of exerts can be heard here.

The CD comes in a nice jewel case (see above), with a four page, full colour booklet and everything. Order yours for a fiver now. The MP3 is £2.50, and you can get it here. You can pay via Paypal, or whatever credit/debit card it is your Mum has.

Yes.

Tracklisting:

1 - The Piper Machine Intro
2 - Go DJ
3 - Where’s Your White Lines At?
4 - White Whores
5 - Smells Like Stunners (We Love This Thing)
6 - Stunners Stand Up
7 - Whut?
8 - California Stunners
9 - WHOOMPH! Therrre It Is!
10 - Robot Connection
11 - Signs Of Donliness
12 - Dime! Bar!
13 - Jager Shots (Fucking Around)
14 - I Just Can’t Get Enough of Burning Down The Ghetto
15 - If I Was S’express I’d Fucking Sue The Klaxons
16 - Knights Of Boom
17 - 2 Many DJs Who Aren’t Called Adam & Wade
18 - Ladies & Gentelmen We Are Poking Your Face

* Party not actually guaranteed on Mondays.**

** Yes we did use this exact same joke last time

COMING SOON!

THE BLOB!

A big pile of Stunners 130 CDs…

…have arrived at my house…

Yes indeed. I am putting 100odd of them in jiffy bags and sending them out to you preorderers now, with doodles and badges (while stocks last, them badges).

The rest of you -

First off, you wanna check out this Mr Lacey joint, then vote for his skinny ass, over at Urb online.

Done?

Cool.

Its kinda grey here in Stoke Newington, but something’s on its way to brighten that whole scene. I am doodling in anticipation.

So, the Dizzee album is ace, apart from the Lily Allen joint, which is horrible, mainly because of Allen’s chalk-on-blackboard hook. Oh, and that joint that’s got the kid out of the Arctic Monkeys on it, that sounds like that Bizzle joint that sampled Babyshambles, but gayer. Both of those tunes sound like the record label insisted on them, in their infinite wisdom, and fa8iled to consider what kind of an artist Dizzee IS, and what kind of an album he was trying to make. At least he insisted on kicking Joss Stone off the thing. That could have killed it. Ewch.

This Kanye mixtape is pretty cool. His Daft Punk stuff is amazing really. He sampled Discovery. I was gonna do that! That’s two Kanye joints in one month with my ideas on them. Pah.

Oh, did anyone see The Sopranos just, where Tony k***s C******* (I ain’t gonna spoil this for you) and does peyote? Oh my God that was just some amazing TV. That last shot was one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen.

In other celluloid news, that Transformers movie might actually be good - I do keep getting fooled by trailers, but this one is pretty hot. The kid Gwilym writes:

“Just watched the full trailer and it has literally made me weep (in the office) with excitement and the potential of fulfilment. Just listen to the sound when Optimus Prime transforms…”

Jeres, Lethal Bizzle, AT Zillaman

I feel like crap, but that Bizzle video shoot was way fun (we did lots of sitting around in the sun, and I fake-beat a safe dude called Braddan with a baseball bat and screamed at a camera), and the new Dizzee Rascal album is brilliant. I might have to change a few lines off of my new thing though, as they are identical to some of his. Ditto on three concepts, but that’s cool. We are, after all, connected.

Weak though, I gotta loose-chain on my bike, so i gotta get the bus down to Shoreditch now. Suck-a-bus! I shall read The Devils though, it’ll be OK.

Hey, I wanna go to a festival. What’s good these days? I took the past few years off.