People! This is what me and my folks are doing New Year’s Eve!

Come on down! mail for cut pice guest list!

PS - i left my hone at my old man’s so ring me you cannot.

Here be info! (I didn’t write it)

THE PLANET-HOP NEW YEARS PARTY

LIVE ACTS/DJS:::

AKIRA THE DON (the hero of indie/grime crossover)

IAIN BAKER (XFM) - Breaks/Mash-ups/Indie stuff/Bashment

BUGSY DON (Zulu Nation) - Performing one of the hot new tracks from the
forthcoming PLANET PEOPLE ft:AFRIKA BAMBAATAA Album & a track done with Andy
from the Freestylers.

EBONY BONES - http://www.myspace.com/ebonybones

SOULCYDE - www.soulcyde.com

TWEESTER HI-FI - Mash-up Mixt-up masters

ZULU - operation funk - the planet’s funkiest B-Boy Dj

D-Junsei & Zulu King Troy - Planet People / Zulu Nation

ELECTRO FUNK / THE FUNK / TRUSCHOOL HIPHOP / BREAKS / INDIEPOP / reMixt-UP
aNTHEMS!!!!!!!!!
Plus:: freestylin’ BraSs players (sax/flute)

Make a day of it, in the afternoon there’s the Planet-Hop
Dance-Off, with many of the UK’s best breakers & poppers.

Dresscode:::::: ‘intergalactic’…be out there & freaky!!
(its New Years so your style better be wild!!)

times:
3pm - 7pm - NYE day DANCE-OFF
7pm - 4am - NYE evening PARTY

at The Live bar
41- 42 Deptford Broadway, London, SE8

BOOK NOW, very limited ticket availability: £19 (+ booking fee)
ticketweb line: 0870 0600 100 or www.ticketweb.co.uk

http://www.planet-hop.com
http://www.zulunation.com
http://www.xfm.co.uk
http://www.akirathedon.com
http://www.myspace.com/ebonybones
http://www.soulcyde.com
http://www.myspace.com/livebar

“Honey, look, I’m a monster don, I do monster things
That’s why I put your ass under my arm”
Ghostface - Back Like That

Ho ho ho innit.

Hey, I had a GREAT CHRISTMAS! And it aint over. Not till that fat chick does My Way.

I done been chilling with my old man. I done hung out with a BABY. Babies are so awesome.

My spider sense is awesome. I wish it wasn’t sometimes. Shit goes, “BZZZING!” I’m all like, nah. Check it out hough, and it’s real.

One day I’m a be as wise as Ghost you know.

I wonder if I’ll still drink whiskey then.

Hey, check it:

“Sanity is a state in which our component selves love and trust each other and are prepared to let each other assume control as circumstances demand.”

Real talk!

I wish I could remember who said it.

Are you sane?

Dumb ass question to be asking this time of day. Or not.

“Just a minute - just a minute. Now, hold on, Mr. Potter. You’re right when you say my father was no businessman. I know that. Why he ever started this cheap, penny-ante Building and Loan, I’ll never know. But neither you nor anyone else can say anything against his character, because his whole life was - why, in the twenty-five years since he and Uncle Billy started this thing, he never once thought of himself. Isn’t that right, Uncle Billy? He didn’t save enough money to send Harry to school, let alone me. But he did help a few people get out of your slums, Mr. Potter, and what’s wrong with that? Why - here, you’re all businessmen here. Doesn’t it make them better citizens? Doesn’t it make them better customers? You - you said - what’d you say a minute ago? They had to wait and save their money before they even ought to think of a decent home. Wait? Wait for what? Until their children grow up and leave them? Until they’re so old and broken down that they… Do you know how long it takes a working man to save five thousand dollars? Just remember this, Mr. Potter, that this rabble you’re talking about… they do most of the working and paying and living and dying in this community. Well, is it too much to have them work and pay and live and die in a couple of decent rooms and a bath? Anyway, my father didn’t think so. People were human beings to him. But to you, a warped, frustrated old man, they’re cattle. Well, in my book he died a much richer man than you’ll ever be.”
George Bailey - It’s A Wonderful Life

Ho ho ho, peoples. I hope you are all having a lovely day. I am in Rugby with my old man and his fine lady. We have eaten fine foods, opened fine presents (I got a paperback of V For Vendetta, usefull, as my copy got nicked - and a Thundercats T Shirt), and played the Q DVD quiz. Which I won. Twice.

Peace to James Brown. I’ll hand over to Mothboy for the respects:

Unbelievable , The creator of modern music has died aged 73.. without him , No
HipHop , No dance music , no groove or funk in music.. 1960’s was a time when
music became more rigis , white and traditional , James Brown came along and
transformed it all .. big large beats , huge amounts of energy .. everything
music wasnt at the time. The man was still dancing onstage to his end , making
feets of audiences lose control .. No James Brown , no funky drummer beat.
Total genius total total genius

Simon Mothboy - >>>>

Adam Walton writes:

“Bore da, AtD — you’re the only artist to have more than one piece of music in my best of 2006, 3hr mix - broadcast on BBC Radio Wales, Christmas Eve 10pm - 1am.

In a year of great achievements, this has to top the lot, no?

A big and beautiful diolch yn fawr for the always intriguing and never less than compelling music. And for the OB in May and the interview in Wrexham.

Happy Christmas!”

NADOLIG LLAWEN I CHTI HEFYD ADAM!

You know what that is?

That, my friends, is a snowflake. At the bottom of this post, you’ll see another snowflake, under increasing magnification.

In the middle, is a photo of a hurricane, over the South Pole of Saturn.

As my friend Mika Jeremy would say, “so beautiful!”

When, on ‘We Are Not Alone’, I say, “Every little girl has got the galaxy inside her,” I mean it literally, as well as figuratively.

Oh, and this email just came in:

Season’s greetings Mr the Don,

David

Cheers to you all! Let us hope there is not a number two next!

This just in from the gig tonight’s promoter:

hi mate,

bad news about tonight, 333 has been shut down, they’ve been served some closure notice, the reason i’m telling you so late is that i’ve only just found out myself, they were in court this morning trying to get it reversed. obviously it’s way to late to get another venue so thats it… all i can say is sorry.

So there you go. We are at a loose end now. Weak!

BOOYA! It seems I have turned up in a couple of end of year polls. Both at number 9. Weird.

CMU
FAVOURITE ALBUM OF 2006 #9: Akira The Don - When We Were Young (Something In
Construction)
I can say for certain that I first came across Akira The Don via Mr Eddy
Temple Morris, who played the brilliant single ‘Clones’ on his Xfm radio
show aeons ago. From there I stumbled on the now somewhat legendary Akira
The Don website, where I would regularly access his always good mixes, often
spot on rantings and occasional bootlegs, while keeping an eye (well, ear
really) on the slowly growing catalogue of original Akira tracks. With talk
of a deal with US mainstream hip hop giants Interscope around about this
time last year, I started to get rather excited about the prospect of a full
length Akira The Don album, and a major label funded marketing campaign that
would get Akira’s brand of hip hop to the masses, certainly here and
possibly across the Atlantic too. And with the right marketing campaign
Akira should be huge, because he makes the kind of hip hop that has real
mainstream potential (his tunes are always infectious, invariably
dance-able, and more often than not a lot of fun), but with a lyrical
attitude (and subject matter) that would ensure credibility (OK, on tracks
like ‘Thanks For All The AIDS’ the latter might hinder the former, but in
the main that’s not the case). But alas, talk of a major label deal fell by
the way side, though the good news was that release plans for the debut
album went ahead anyway, and so we here at CMU were finally able to get our
hands on the debut Akira The Don album. And boy what an album. Bringing
together some of the tracks we’d sampled on the aforementioned website over
the last eighteen months, but with a number of brand new tracks that are
really special too, this is exactly the kind of album that the hip hop genre
needs - and, to be honest, if anything the US scene more so than ours. Of
course, the independent release, without a major label budget, meant that
despite the mainstream potential, this album is yet to enjoy mainstream
attention. That said, with the combined influence of the album, his live
shows, and the aforementioned website, this is a man with a growing fan
base, and a very dedicated fan base at that, so it wouldn’t surprise me if
the mainstream don’t latch on here, eventually, through good old fashioned
word of mouth rather than Universal’s hip hop budget. Frankly, the
mainstream are missing out until they do so. We caught up with Akira just as
the album was being released a couple of months back, and if you missed the
interview, check it out here and get yourself converted to the Don of UK hip
hop.

Read our interview with Akira The Don at:
http://www.thebeatsbar.co.uk/albumsoftheyear

Playlouder
ALBUMS OF THE YEAR 2006: #9
When We Were Young
Akira the Don

Nobody knew quite what to make of Akira the Don, and they still don’t. While the focus seemed to be on the David and Goliath relationship the boy Adam had with the all-powerful Interscope, many took their eyes off the ball and forgot to give the music the attention it deserved. Idiosyncratic, honest, funny and occasionally tragic, ‘When We Were Young’ vividly mirrored the life of an artist, and was so real you could almost grab it.

Should you wish to, you can vote for the aforementioned opus in PlayLouder’s reader’s poll here.

I used to cry at the movies.

Still do.

But now I am reading an awful lot of Grant Morrisson, and, increasingly, it is making me bawl like a baby seal.

I have recently been reading his late eighties tun on the classic DC comic book Doom Patro. I just finished #30, which was wonderful, and painful, and made me bawl. It focuses on the Crazy Jane character, a multiple-personality - she has sixty-four, in total. Sometimes, when people experience trauma, personalities are created, to cope with that trauma. Sometimes, those new personalities will have different characters, accents, even abilities. This stuff happens in real life, not just comics. To real people. Like Truddi Chase, who has 92, as a result of the sexual abuse she suffered as a child.

You should buy the book and read it, I think. But here are a few pages, out of context.

When I say

“Stop playing”

You say

“Razorlight”

Etc.

Bwa-HAAAW!

Ho ho ho, peoples, tonight - were there a hook - was off of it. If that shit was a fish, it was right at the bottom of the ocean, where there is no sunlight (and no hooks in sight), but shit glows like eyeballs anyway. BOOYA! Big up John Kennedy, The Women, Pix and Dego Brizzow, the ace soundlady, and YOU NOISY BASTARDS, specially the kids at the front waiting for The Holloways. If all London venues were full of the likes of you, London would be the best place to play in the world.

I need to start taking photos really. There is nothing suitable to illustrate this post. SILLY!

Yes yes yes. I shall write something sensible tomorrow. I eat toast now.

Rah thought! I KNOW you wanna watch RZA and some white dude singing Deck The Halls. You do right? YUUUH!

Guess which celebrated emcee made his LONG AWAITED mike comeback in Don Studios tonight?

Click up there and FIND OUT!

Get excited!

Serious.

WORD TO DIDDY.

OK. We are playing in Ye Olde London Town tonight with Ye Olde Holloways at Ye Olde Barflizzle. We shall play for eight hours. It will be broadcast on XFM. 9pm. Tune in, I will tell you jokes cos I am THE FUNNYMAN.

Prior to that I shall be recording the intro to Lethal B’s new LP. That will be fun. He wants it to sound like “a football stadium chanting my name”. He would. He is a man of vision. Speaking of which, dude keeps trying to steal my sunglasses you know. I shall have to hide them.

Oh, here’s a funny:

Russian authorities pulled hundreds of opposition activists off buses and trains and detained them along with scores of others on Saturday ahead of a rare anti-government rally in Moscow, organizers said.

And my American friends? Prepare To Get (more) Tazered!

Oh brave new world!

Yes thank you, The Eighties Matchbox B-Line disaster are still the best band in the world. What a festive mood they put me in! So festive I joined Jeres in going to a dead-person-themed Christmas party and didn’t get in till 8:30 am, when it was getting light, and thus fully failed to help Blonde Jeremy move house. Blonde Jeremy and his lovely wife have bought a house! People do that! Weird no?

Anyway. A Hot Pink Thing woke me up with a phonecall at about four, which was lush, and before I’d had time to rid myself of my hangover I was off to meet the Boy Luke, who was taking me to see Jarvis at the newly refurbished roundhouse in Camden. Only Jeres and Luke and The Eighties Matchbox B Line disatser and Jarvis could get me to Camden two nights in a row, I swear down. Anyway, it was a mad night stuffed with “coincidence” and othersuch rinkydink. Jarvis was ace. I met interesting people. A pair of them, a boy and a girl, had bonded over one of my first songs, an angry pro-female anti-scumbag jont called One Bullet. He bought her a thong with my little pink blob on it. Weirdly, his mother has built a statue in Moelfre. He had no idea I’d even heard of Anglesey, let alone been to school in it. My mother had no idea that The PPF had done similar either, and had a go at me for not telling her anything. Unlike that Zef, who rings home on an hourly basis to report his bowel movements. Bless him and his socks of cotton.

Boy oh boy, I am obsessing over these Mika songs. I am bowled over. This is such perfect pop music. I came out of sampling retirement to rip off Happy Ending, look out for that on the next mixtape. I might have to write him a letter. I want to get him and me and Andrew WK and Patrick Wolf and Pixel together on a song. I think it would probably be the best song ever. Such goals are important. Why bother otherwise?

Jeres and I just went for a curry at on Church Street. It was a £6 all you can eat buffet, which was scrummy, and they gave us a complimentary sherry AND a complimentary whiskey, so I give them props. can’t remember what they’re called though. It’s the one by the firestation on the corner with a big sign for the Thai place next door on it. If that makes sense. Jeres ate so much food he couldn’t go for a drink in the Auld Shillelagh after. I think hell might have frozen over. FORSOOTH!

Rah, I KNOW you kneed more Mothboy in your life, cos you keep telling me. So, if you wanna hear the origins of the evil genius behind everyone’s favourite sex ‘n’ surveilance slow jam I See Cities, download his retrospective, Anomalies (Aelected Demos & Outtakes 1998 - 2004) now. And read all about it here.

So, I’ve been in for a week writing my new album (last night’s joint, We Are Not Alone is gonna be one of the most important records of 2007), but tonight Jeres is taking me out to see my favourite band, The Eighties Matchbox B-Line disaster at Stables Market in Camden. Come down and celebrate with us!

By the way, Mika, I think, is ace. Well, that Grace Kelly tune is. Sounds like Sparks. And Queen. And Billy Joel. And one of my new songs, oddly. A GOOD THING!

OK, scrub that, I just listened to his Billy Brown joint. Best song I heard in a month.

Don’t stop living in the red
Don’t stop living in the red
Don’t stop living in the reeeeeeeeeed

Oooooh… ooooh… oooooh… oooooh
Don’t stop living in the
red, red, red, red, red, red, red
Andrew WK - Don’t Stop Living In The Red

OK, you lot are blatantly ace and full of power, cos after you looked at my thingy last night, well, let me just say IT STARTED TO WORK!

Wow, it is so dope being a part of the everything, and starting to understand it a bit.

I got this awesome email yesterday. I get loads of awesome emails, because we are awesome and connected, but anyway, this one went:

Hey Akira,
Just droppin a line to tell you your album has got to be my fave this year, although I must say most of the hip hop we consumers have been inudated with this year was pretty abysmal. But your album is a bona fide clasic, five star project definitely, even if the (usually)ever-reliable HHC only gave it 3. Hows the nmbers doin for that, can’t seem to find em anywhere (although I safely assume you are somewher around the 10 mil mark obv). I jus copped the new HHC magazine, and having read your article on the (mostly) living legend that is known as the Wu-Tang Clan, you must be the only person I have ever come across who actually agrees with me as far as Wu-Tang Forever is concerned. One of the most underrated albums ever. No doubt. And you hate Tupac ( as you should - gangster, my arse) and have actually admitted it in the public eye, you rebel.
Basically, I can’t get enough of you (in a musical sense, of course), keep doin what you’re doin, and FUCK TUPAC!
Peace,
Si

So thank you Si. I am over the moon that you love my record, I am very proud of it, because it is real and I every word of it was real, and so was every note, and I can’t wait for you to hear the next one. But I think it has been a great year for hiphop anyway! There have been loads of awesome records, I am going to write a big list of them all very soon, and I think you will agree that, actually, it isn’t so bad right now at all. The swine who pretend to run things might try and paint an ugly picture of where we’re at, but it is so far from the truth its laughable!

As for your numbers question, I really have no idea! No one has told me. And, really, I don’t care. The mails I get, and the reactions I’ve been getting at shows prove that it’s getting out there, connecting with people, and doing its good work, and shall continue to, one person at a time, in a real, unforced fashion, as it should be! And we move forward! Always! Because there is so much to do! And how could we NOT do it? It’s our RIGHT, and our PRIVILEGE!

Finally though Si, I don’t hate Tupac, I just think he’s a bit rubbish. Like hate. Hate is rubbish!

I tell you what’s not rubbish: LOVE!

Love is awesome. How awesome is love? Really? Answers on a postcard. or at the bottom of this.

Oh boy! I read the best comic ever last night. It is called Flex Mentallo, it’s by Grant Morrison and Frank Quietly, an it is so pure, so beautiful, well, it just filled me with FEELING, lo it did. If you liked The Invisibles, you’ll love this, but similarly, if you you liked It’s A Wonderful Life you’ll love this. It is brilliant. And also out of print, but you can find it on a torrent. I think you should, you’ll be glad!

Hey, if any of you wanna hear my Christmas song on your radios, I suggest you email your favourite DJs. A good start would be to copy paste the following:

DEAR AWESOME DJ!

And mail it to, maybe,

richard.bacon@xfm.co.uk
steve.lamacq@bbc.co.uk

OK, I’m gonna make a song. BOOYA!

OK, you all feel me right? I know you do. I feel you too. I feel you ripping my shit on those torrents. I feel you up on Limewire. I feel you in those shops, I feel you at those shows. I feel hard, cos I’m a wet brained receiver of non localised consciousness. Word is bond. I feel you. Now feel me.

Look at that thing there. Let it sink in. Go into that thing. You surfing for porn right now? Flip to this thing just before you bust your proverbial. Going to school? Scribble it on your pencil case. Whatever. Some of you know what I’m up to here, and you know this shit works.

You want me to keep doing this thing?

Then let that weird little scribble sink.

We can create out own realities, you know.

Lady Flan Of Flanagan did that. Strangely erotic, non.

This is an essential link for those still demanding answers regarding what they like to call 77.

And this lot are my new favourite band. They are called Silicon Vultures. One of them is called Buddy Hell. They are awesome.

Celebrity can blind us to the thing itself, particularly when beauty and youth are weighted with great wealth and generational power. (Paris Hilton’s circle of rich and pantiless fembots is almost enough to make “elite mind-controlled sex slave” go mainstream.)
Jeff Wells

Yeah, you think about that for a little minute.

OK.

Let’s move on.

We have decided, rather than making you pay for it, we shall give you my festive single, All I Want for Christmas Is You (And World Peace), for free. So if you click that thing, it is yours. It’s at 256kbps, so it sounds all nice and, um, festive.

Obviously, it sounds dope coming out of a radio. We suggest you hassle your favourite DJ to play it. I’ll get some names and numbers together this week.

So, I was reading this interview on AllHipHip.com with The Game earlier, and it mentioned that, “from the age of five through 13, The Game lived in a foster home after his sister accused their father of sexual abuse”. Shit. That explains so much. From the interview:

AllHipHop.com: I grew up in a foster home too…

The Game: It’s horrible, you feel alone sometimes, right? And you really wish that you had family, a mom and dad, and placemats and silverware, and mom coming home, dad coming home, shouting, “Honey I’m home!” and then they call you out the room where you’re doing your homework, and you come running down the stairs and jump on your dad - but that’s not our f**king reality, is it? No, it’s f**ked up. It’s a bad situation, and I don’t wish that on anybody. I always try to at least give words of wisdom, if not some type of financial or clothing donation, to kids in foster homes around the world. Because it’s a sad, sad story and people don’t know until they’ve been there, and if you’ve been there you never wanna go back. You can’t say enough how messed up it is to grow up in that type of situation.

Man, I bust out a tear over that one. All love to you, duke.

Yo, I got Oink back. One love to all of y’all. For some reason though there’s something up with my NAT thingy, and I keep getting this “UPnP Mapping Incoming Peer Data Port (UDP/57294) failed” message. So nuthing’s uploading, but maybe that’ll sort itself. I DUNNO!

RAH! The new Snoop LP is brilliant. As is my new joint what I did this after. I got too many songs again people. I dunno what to do.

I tell you what,I am getting KICKED OUT OF MY FLAT in four weeks. That sucks. Any rich people out there wanna rent me their house cheap? Son Of King Rebel and my little brother are in need of homes too. Holla at your boy.

OK, first off - my new single, All I Want for Christmas Is You (And World Peace), written by me and the mighty Son Of King Rebel is up on MySpace now. Go check that shit out. I’ll be letting you know when you can buy it tomorrow.

Yesterday was DOPE. We went to Manchester to do a session for Channel 4’s The Tube. Trains in this country are MESSED UP, but we got there eventually. I utilised my time in the taxi to write a song and read Sycamore’s J-Z slanging, and Bol’s Tupac truth-telling (it aint just me that thinks dude is WAY OVERRATED!).

Anyway, we get there, and shit is seriously pro, there’s a studio and three stages and a runthrough, with our presenters The Groucho Club’s Alex James, Blue Peter’s Konnie Huq and MTV’s Emily Rose. There is a free bar, red wine in the dressing room, and a studio audience. We do the show, and we are ace. Konnie interviews me, and I am, for once, not a goon at all. Jeres says he is proud of me, which never happens, and makes me feel all gooey inside. Mary enjoys Wolverhampton’s excitable guitar popsters Ripchord, who she thinks sounds like Busted. Which is real. Alex James steps to me at the bar to say, sweetly, “I love your Shit”. He later opines that we were the best band they’ve ever had on the show, and Konnie wants to come to our next gig, and is sweet enough to sort us a lift back to LDN with her club-owning ex-lawyer Manc G of a mate, so we don’t have to mess with the railways, and dude takes us to his club in Shoreditch and buys us booze and stuff. I freestyle over house music a lot, which I like to do, and probably annoys everybody else. Lots of people say hello, and I am not sure if I know them or not, which happens a lot lately and worries me. I used to have a great brain for faces. Now I do not. I think everybody must think I am very rude. So I am nice to everybody. Prolly I should slap some people, but hell, I am a lover, not a hater. THAT IS REAL!

Speaking of which peace to my peoples The Coup and Mr Lif, who had a fucking horrible bus crash and nearly died. They’ve done lost everything, so if you wanna help them get through the next year, go check their blog here and chuck em some pennies.

PAX TO ALL.

OMFG! We just played The Tube, which was in Manchester, and was an absolutely fucking fantastic experience. I’ll write more later on, but for now, Jeres says “hench!”

OK, first off - anyone wanna inite me onto Oink? I was all up on that glorious swine, then I went on tour and my ratio plummeted and they booted my perfectly formed peachy pink ass. I miss it! I need more Billy Joel live LPs! Help me!

Anyway, I’ve been in Wales, hence the no updatey. I can barely get a signal on my Blackberry, let a lone wireless. I went to Colwyn Bay and Beaumaris. Beaumaris, a tiny little Welsh seaside town we used to live in, was all Christmas-ed up - a local young entroponour Had gotten permission from the council to put a ferris wheel and some teacups down the front. It was like something out of Its A Wonderful Life. A nearly wept, but didn’t. I’ve cried far too much lately. I was listening to All That I’ve Got Is You by Ghostface the other day, this song about when he was little and pooor, and I bawled like a fat baby. I’ve become super-emotional in my old age. All those years of fronting like I didn’t give three craps, and now look at me. Funny old life.

Anyway, I had a fantastic time, seeing my Nan, who is super hardcore. She took a spill down some “moving stairs” on Monday trying to save an old lady who was falling over, and took half the of her leg off. They had to stitch it all back up in the hospital with no anaesthetic, which took over an hour, and did she cry? Did she hell! She did beat one of the paramedics about the head with a tube of Christmas wrapping paper though. She will beat you down, my nan, she got the PPF three times in under an hour with the back of her hand. She’s from Cannock. Oldest of 13 little Cannucks. No messing.

We hot the PPF parental homestead as well, which was super fun, and we got drunk and had mighty banter and watched sad-making art things. On that day, the world seemed to be ending, and the next day it hadn’t, but there had been mini Wizard Of Oz styled tornadoes in North Weezy (”the weather never used t be like this! Tis year it’s gone mad! I don;t understand it!” said my nan) but the trains were all pretty mashup. Yet, boosted by a fantabulous packed lunch, we got home, and Jeres came round to wrap up his instrumentation on The Christmas Number One. Look out for that later on today.

So, Lil Wayne. Tony Lynch mails and say he:

“Get a grip akira, do you honestly think lil wayne is a better rapper than jay-z?

dont get me wrong I quite like weezy, hes got an infectious flow BUT BETTER THAN JAY - I think youve been smokin some of that imaginary crack that young mr carter has been slangin in his imagination!

““kingpin of the ink pen/monster of the double entendre/coke is still my sponsor/the cola, yeah/Hova still gettin’ it in with soda/diet, no sir, I ain’t lose no weight/started from the crates now I’m sittin on a whole case”

Show me something from wayne that comes anywhere even close to that……………nah didnt think so. The new jay album is ridiculous, the maturation of jay-z-z indeed!

But eh apart from that keep up the good work my friend!

x”

Which is fair. I wasn’t agreeing with Wayne’s “I’m better than you” thing. It was Jay’s rude assertions that hip-hop needs him to save it, which it doesn’t. Wayne was right on the money on that (nullus). Aside from that, give me Dedication 2 over Kingdom Come any day of the week. But I wish Wayne hadn’t gone at The Clipse. They’re on him now, and they DID sell crack. That’s a battle he can’t win. Plus, The Clipse and Wayne released my favourite mixtapes of the year, and I don’t wanna see them squabbling, they’re both better than that. NAH!

A nice man called David writes:

“Hello Akira the Don,

David”

I agree. Do that thing!

So, that pic there, that’s me and my old mates Leslie and Ben, in ‘94.

“I hope things are good with you,” writes Leslie. “I found this pic the other day and thought you’d like to see it, was the day Ben nearly took your face off with a flame - happy days eh?!”

Indeed. That day I went to my first club. Problem was my fake ID wasn’t convincing the doormen that my 15 year old ass was old enough, so everyone else got in and I hung around outside till they took pity on me. When I finally got in and walked up the stairs, my glasses steamed up, and I couldn’t find my friends, so I wandered about for what remained of the night in the dark getting confused by the whistle posse and getting weird looks from people, prolly cos I looked like a 14 year old with no eyebrows. Afterwards I said I got off with a girl and nobody believed me at all. Which was fair because I was LYING!

So, we had an awful lot of fun on the MAN Tom Robinson’s show last night. We did some beatboxey loop machine versions of Oh! and AIDS (which sounded particularly awesome) with the one Joey Driscol and his mate James on sax. And we debuted my Christmas single: ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS YOU (AND WORLD PEACE). !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!. Shit is big like Turk. And Tom played this really awesome Alarm song I’ve never heard before called We Are The Light. Tom Robinson is such a down to earth G of a dude he went to Steve Wright In The Afternoon for advice when he started radio DJing. Steve told him not to mention things the listener could not see. Listening back to the thing, that was one of the first things I did, bit I am not a radio DJ, I am a CONDUIT, bitch! Word to KKKramer’s mate Al Sharpie.

But BirdGuhl, you are so right, I totally “sound like a little kid on the radio”.

Which is a good thing, I think.

So, my favourite male-lip-kissing rapper Lil’ Wayne has been chatting greasy about El Presidente Jay-Z. Check it:

“I don’t like what he’s saying about how he had to come back because hip-hop’s dead and we need him,” Wayne said. “What the fuck do you mean? If anything it’s reborn, so he’s probably having a problem with that. You left on a good note, and all of the artists were saying, ‘Yo, this is Jay’s house. He’s the best.’ Now he comes back and still thinks it’s his house. … It’s not your house anymore, and I’m better than you.”

So, who here agrees with that? I DO! I DO! I don’t like that he dissed The Clipse elsewhere in the interview though, cos The Clipse are awesome, and so’s he, and I want them to do a tune together (I am so unexcited by that Jules Santana/Wayne LP idea). Here’s a thing though - all Wayne’s chat about selling crack - I mean, how likely is that? Wasn’t he Cash Money’s Michael Jackson or something? Hasn’t he been a millionaire since he was, like, 9? When did he find time to sell crack? And what was he doing it for anyway? Come on! I never met anyone that enjoyed selling crack. You have to deal with crackheads, and crackheads scratch themselves all the time, and are usually no fun at all, plus, if you have one, they prick your conscience like AIDS orphans on the bus. No no no, I am not buying it, and it spoils my enjoyment of his records. I mean, I like Chris de Burgh, I am used to suspending belief (how many times has dude been in love anyway?), but Lil Wayne slinging rocks like Palestinians? Nagoes! (That’s Welsh for “no”, by the wizzay)

Hey though, that Jay-Z and Chris Martin joint is fire.

I got this email yesterda. Forsooth!

Richard from the Illinois here. I was brushing through my father’s record collection I found good old DEVO. The record also came with a “Limited Edition” 2 x 3 poster. It has DEVO facing the old traditionalists which contains a 60s style man with long blond hair and a mustache. He stands in a large mob of pink look-a-likes. It was kind of a neato thing because A: It’s like Clones, and B: It must be worth hundreds on ebay. So I sent you some pictures off my Olympus. Stare, show off, enjoy.

*Note: I wouldn’t dare sell it.*

That is fucking crazy! Or not, as my collective conciousness-receiving brethren know only too well. What was it Nas said? “No ideas original, there’s nothing new under the sun/ it ain’t what you do/ it’s how it’s done.”

Hey yo! I’m on Tom Robinson’s 6 Music show tonight, between 7 and 9. I’m taking my peoples Mary Turner and Joey “D” Driscol with me, it is gonna be UNIQUE. Plus, we’re debuting my Christmas Number One. Be here then.

The Christmas song is brilliant, you’ll be glad to know. Cop that shit exclusive hereabouts early next week. Me and my boy Jeres are on fire… Plus it should be noted the Juno keyboard we bought for Mary to play on the tour is now in my studio and driving me away from samples quicker than you can say Swizz Beats - a pair of BANGERS have I laced, word to KKKramer’s momma.

So, I was just on this really hot date in the Thai place on Stoke Newington Church Street. Food was good, date super lush, conversation sparkly. Thing is, after some chat about school and friends and festive plans, we spend half an hour looking for pictures of Britney Spears’ vagine on my Blackberry. I don’t know if its techology that’s ruined us as a people, or News Corp, but something is rotten in Denmark, and it isn’t just Brit’s bits. Oh, the horrorful tragedy. DON’T PUT YOUR DAUGHTER ON THE STAGE MRS WORTHINGTON! Not less you want her cootch showing up in the tabloids anyway. Serious.

Coupla things: Part 2 of Jeres tour diary is here.

It is quite sad and funny. Like, funny perculiar. HAHAHA.

There’s an interview I did with Music Towers here.Similar.

And there’s a very sweet review of our Liverpool show here.

PAX.

A lot of you fine people have been emailing me saying I should chill the fuck out, which is fair, but I really ain’t got time for that hoopla Right At This Second. Today I woke up from some totally messed up tour dreams that I wish I couldn’t remember, and got straight back on my crazy horse. I laced a beat, did some nasty money shit, put my flowers in a food mixer (not like THAT bebbehdawl, I aint got no vase) and went into MTV’s HQ for a meeting.

Now, I’m blaz-ay like Top Cat as you KNOW, but I have to admit to beight slightly taken aback for, like, a second, when, expecting to be meeting, like, a person, I step into a boardroom full of Serious TV People, who proceeded to grill me like a fine steak on the inner workings of myself and my Donsquad. Anyway, it was all good like them Waltons, and afterwards I headed back to Don Studios to write my Christmas Number One with Jeremy. Shit sounds goshdang TRAGIC in a very lush way, in the context of my cannon its kinda Joe Mangle as visualised by Franz Kafka, SEEME?

Anyway, those bitches at Bulldog done cut me offa my internet at 9pm, which is weird AND rude, so I’m still posting from a Blackberry with no spellcheck, and it is seriously hard to link to anything, but I had to get my HTML on to point you at the truly fucking dissapointing KKKramer shit<|a>, what a load of DICK, I loved that dude! Next they’ll be telling me Morrissey’s a racist! Oh, hang on…