Hey peoples. There have been a few extra dates added, and for reasons known best to my agent, the Southampton show has been changed to a Cambridge show. FORSOOTH!

Oh, and you can buy tickets for the launch party in London here. Support will come from, amongst as yet to be announced Others, the mighty Miss OddKidd. Rah!

By the way, I am fully obsessed with that My Chemical Romance song.

I love a cannon, me.

ATD & THE WOMEN UK TOUR 2006

Fri3Nov Chester Telfords Warehouse
Mon6Nov London The Fly
Thu9Nov Manchester Bierkeller (Club NME)
Fri10Nov Glasgow Arches
Sat11Nov Middlesbrough Empire
Sun12Nov Newcastle Academy
Tue14Nov Nottingham Bar None
Wed15Nov York Fibbers
Fri17Nov Leicester Charlotte
Mon20Nov Bristol Academy
Tue21Nov Cambridge Portland Arms
Wed22Nov Reading Fez
Thu23Nov Wrexham Central Station
Fri24Nov Liverpool Academy
Sun26Nov Cardiff Barfly
Mon27Nov London Madame JoJos
Tue28Nov Sheffield The Plug (Club NME)
Wed29Nov Brighton Ocean

When We Were Young # 2 of 11: CLONES

Add to My Profile | More Videos

OK, after a week of reajusting to this country, I am back in my zone. I done loads today, not least of all some serious post-production on a joint for Lethal B’s next LP. IT SOUNDS HUGE!

Eyeballs peeled people.

Oh, check this out: Marv, Jack and Tego kicking fuck out of Glasgow. This is some brilliant live rap action, you can, like, hear all the words. Awesome.

“I have never had a plague of AIDS since I sleep with jar of gipsy tears around my neck.”
Borat

I am finding it pretty tricky to do all this video editing on my laptop, since the death of the harddrive that ran my desktop thing. But I persist anyway. Why? Cos I am a G.

So, I got back from Redditch, and the Romanian Relief Found Charity Shop on Church Street was still open. It’s shutting down, and today was it’s last day trading. It was pretty sad to see the place all ransacked and nearly dead. This is a high grade charity shop man. I have gotten some gems from their record boxes over the past year. I felt sad. Thing is though, as the place was shutting forever in eight minutes, everything was 10p. I got a fucking huge pile of gorgeous vinyl for three quid. Bonanza! Anyone in the are at 10:30 tomorrow should swing by, everything that’s left will be going for nothing, or going in the bin.

PAX!

Big up all ye who came to the Adam And Jeremy Show at the Islington Academy the other night. It was fun indeed. Jeremy met our tour manager. I don’t think our tour manager knows what he’s letting himself in for. Gwilym showed up also, fresh from snogging a man on Dr Who spinoff Torchwood, minging in a terrifyingly hardcore fashion of school changing rooms and hammered off his red Welsh face, bless his gym socks. Jeremy refused to believe he ever gets that obnoxious when he’s drunk. Hell, we all do! I only do it in America though, for various reasons.

I am currently in Redditch, at my uncle and uncle and auntie’s, being confused by the television. We were at my cousin’s wedding reception last night, which was entirely lovely, and nobody punched anybody, as far as I noticed. I must flee to London now, and do eighteen billion things, and fret about my harddrive.

In the meanwhile, have ye Borat on Wonathon Joss. ENJOY!

Yesterday wasn’t much good really.It started with nightmare. I had some bad news about my harddrive (the one that won’t switch on, and has my next two albums on it, amongst other things). I had a kind of depressing meeting in central London. I was taken ill on he bus on the way home - my insides melted, a weird pain stabbed at the root of my belly, and I drifted in and out of consciousness. The light in my head was red. When I got in the house, I had to lie down immediately. Lying down sucked, acid ate into my guts. Then I got up and was violently sick for a while.

I feel kind of weird right now, but that must be ignored - I have a song to finish. And Jeres and i are playing a show tonight. I don;t know much about it, other than its and XFM club night, at the Islington Accademy. We’re on at 11, I think, its on till 3 or something. Tickets are a fiver.

Rah, gigwise know what the fuck is up. They gave my album 4.5 out of 5, and called it “life-affirming and lovable”, which it is. Forsooth:

“What do we love most about this record – which is, by the way, one of the best British albums of the year.

Unlike the unrelenting, and frankly doubtful, aggressive depression of Plan B (perhaps this was who Iovine was really looking to fill Eminem’s sneakers) Akira The Don’s world is far more rounded and genuine as a result, therefore making ‘When We Were Young’ all the more life-affirming and lovable.
This all said, you can see how Akira The Don could be perhaps too original, too singular to escape the ambiguous realm of ‘cult’ - but his debut album is so accomplished you really hope he becomes much, much more.”

HMV have got my album availiable to buy on pre-order for £6.99 inc. delivery, which is BARGAIN! I would take advantage of that if I were you, my US friends included, we currently have no US relese date. I note that “customers who bought this product also bought…

Automatic - Not Accepted Anywhere
Peter Bjorn & John - Writers Block
Classics From John Peels All Time Festive Fifty
Lisa Gerrard - Silver Tree
Dawn Of The Replicants - Singles: Bust The Trunk
Teasing Lulu - Infatuation

So there you go.

Oh boy, the new Robbie Williams MASTERPIECE! If I get time later, I shall do a track by track. But that, up there, is what me and Jeres think.

(Actually, that was recorded as a greeting to the New York dwelling PPF, but still, it is also our reaction to the Robbie LP. Which is awesome.)

John Doran thins that Robbie Wlliams’ LP is ass. Actualy, he thinks it’s worse than ass. He HATES Robbie!

“He,” says John, “is a cunt; and it permeates every poisonous pore of this cancerous fly blown cyst of a CD.”

Jeres tells me that John Doran thinks I hate him. Not true! I like him actually! But dude is WRONG! about Fat Bob Billiams! Fat Bob Billiams is ace!

And he is a much better rapper than that dude out of Task Force.

Hey, does anyone know how to make things seed in Bittorrent? My files, once downloaded, all say “seeding”, but “0% uploading”. THAT SUCKS! I wanna share.

Hey, check out my old pals the Towers Of London getting into bother in a small English town. Eek!

This just in from my management:

See below for the confirmed ATD tour dates. The agent believes that
we will still be able to fill some of the gaps as we go along, but we
should go ahead and press release these now.

Please let me know if you have any questions.

Fri27Oct London Islington Bar Academy
Fri3Nov Telfords WarehouseChester
Mon6Nov London The Fly
Thu9Nov Manchester Bierkeller (Club NME)
Fri10Nov Glasgow Arches
Sun12Nov Newcastle Academy
Tue14Nov Nottingham Bar None
Fri17Nov Leicester Charlotte
Mon20Nov Bristol Academy
Tue21Nov Southampton Junk Club
Wed22Nov Wolverhampton Little Civic
Thu23Nov Wrexham Central Station
Fri24Nov Liverpool Academya
Sun26Nov Cardiff Barfly
Mon27Nov London Madame JoJos
Tue28Nov Sheffield The Plug (Club NME)

Thasssright boys and girls, my LP, wot is out in two weeks (eek) can now be preordered from Amazon for £8.99. That is one pound more than I paid for the EMF album on cassette when I was 12 or whatever it was. Bargain!

“Welsh rapper Akira the Don was scheduled to release this debut on the giant Interscope until it decided tracks such as ‘Thanks for All the Aids’ (an anti-Live8 diatribe against everything from the World Bank to the Catholic church) made it unsellable,” chirped The Observer. “There are moments of brilliance but the wilfully dishevelled tone mires much of it in a murk of its own making.”

“If “Oh! What A Glorious Thing” is Akira The Don’s breakout track, then this album is the essential arsenal to back it all up,” sayeth Manchester Music. “The pulsating hip hop of “Liverpool” is jammed with a bursting electronic fire and the subtle addition of a subliminal guitar riff. Dead clever stuff that includes an earlier single “Clones” and the cruising Human League-ish “London”, which seems to hang off a refrain similar to The Stranglers “Get A Grip“ – it’s another stand out, powerful track, a feat that’s repeated on “Dead Babies”. This is an essential album that embraces the realities of The Streets, full blown hip hop and a sense of adventurism. Applaudable (’til your hands are sore) but more importantly, enjoyable stuff.”

Indeed.

So, I am leaving New York tomorrow. Bye bye New York! I will be back. For I love you dearly. But London needs me. And I am going on tour in a fortnight or so. Details imminent.

In other news, the militarisation of space is now being discussed in public. Good oh.

The next radio single to be taken from the debut Akira The Me LP, When We Were Young, is called Back In The Day. You can hear it right now here.

And that is really, really real.

See? That’s one HAPPY dude we saw on the subway today. Boy oh boy.

Hello, I am in Brooklyn. Whoo! Brooklyn is a magical place. I was here yesterday, and i knew it the moment my big ole Polish head poked up out of the subway. The air is electric here. And the very taste of it took me right back to when I was here a couple of years ago, looking for a house to live in, comic books under my arm, a bottle of ice in hand, dreams fluttering about in my belly.

Hello, I am at James brown’s house. Whoo! James Brown is a magical sort of a person. I haven’t seen him since the dawn of this foul year of our Lord, AD2006, but, lo, we slot straight back in as if t’were days. We made an amazing electronic rap record yesterday, and today we are amidst a haunting and, yes, magical little thing of some lush organic beauty or other. Which is a wonderful thing to have happened, really. It is kind of sad that we started only now, and that I have to go back to London on Monday, as we could quite easily have crapped out a whole album given another week. But never mind. There is the wonder of the internet to keep us together. James is rolling straight into recording the new Ash LP, but he has some time in January to finish this little project. So by the time your bored of my album, there’ll be another thing of joy and usefulness for you to embrace. Whoo!

I might post you another page from The Invisibles later. It is easily the best comic book I have ever read. I’ve been meaning to investigate it since I was, like, 14. I nearly nicked it from Smiths that time I ran away to Liverpool, but I went with Tank Girl instead. How clever! I wouldn’t have understood it properly then. Now I totally do. It is doing an excellent job of bringing together lots of stray thoughts and wishes, and crystallising my purpose. Grant Morrisson says it was created to be a sigil. Indeed. It is working wonderfully already, thank you.

Wow, my folks are BUSY! My skinny old rake of a pal DDD has a single out this week. It is pritty rah. Spiky rah. Piranha Deathray have a single out. It is gloriful. Kim Wilde gloriful. Mothboy’s LP is on the horizon. You can check some of the art, the tracklisting, and some clips (including one of the joint with me on it) here. And my Why Lout? peoples Marv and Jack Nimble are on tour. Jack tells me they’re having lots of fun, and listening to Freeway a lot. I shall copy them now, then, when this Rick James LP is done.

Speaking of tours, I am going on one in November. I need a DJ though, I think. Any ideas?

Anyway. Before we announce that, we shall announce the launch party for When We Were Young. It happens on the day of the LP’s release in London, at a nice new place in central LDN called The Fly. Expect special guests, me DJing too much, ETC! Yee-haw. RUH!

In other news, I didn’t mention I did a song with Madison the other day, did I? When I first met her she was a pretty undefinable sort of stadium rock prophet in a pink ballet dress, and she made me go WAH WAH WAH when I saw her play her songs about being human and not letting the swine ruin it for you, so infused was her performance with like, actual emotion (rare indeed amongst pop scum in that weird year of Our Lord, AD 2005). Now’s she’s switched her shit up even higher, and appears to be, like, rapping. Go check out out her new flavour, it is Dee Oh Pee Ee. Look out for a remix on my next mixtape.

So, my mam thinks everyone should do this. I think the idea is, everyone in the world writes a blog, and the British Library will save it for prosperity, so future generations can see how freaking boring we all were in 2006. Haha. I hope they print it out and bury it in a big metal box and stuff, cos harddrives won’t be much use in the post apocalyptic wasteland.

Anyway. I am still in New York, and I am running out of time, and my eyeball is trying to murder me. I am recording songs with James Brown tomorrow. That is exciting, but I have only written four, and I need to write more. We went up the Empire State the other night, but that wasn’t very exciting. The interior decor seems to have been in place since the late sixties, and the whole thing felt like a touristy-Shining. I especially objected to being forced to being dragged out of a lift just to be photographed. Fascism! Plus most of the time in there was spent queing. GWENNY. Plus it was freezing, and blowing cold breezes up the PPF’s pretty red dress, so we didn’t hang around too long.

Ho ho, eh? Afterwards though, we ate fine steak in a restaurant. That was lush. We culdn’t eat it all, so we took the rest home in a nice draw-string bag, and I am eating it for my lunch now. G-ed up!

Oh, I discovered I have some kind of an allergy to popcorn as well. That sucks, I love popcorn!

Still. Word to you and your mother. PEACE.

My debut LP, When We Were Young, comes out in three weeks. This is the sleeve. And below, courtesy of RapMusic.co.uk, is the first review.

GET READY!

Akira The Don- When We Were Young
October 13th, 2006
You may have heard of Akira The Don when he got signed by Interscope and had lots and lots written about him. Or, you’ve took a break from browsing porn and come across his many freely downloadable mix CDs. Well basically, Interscope loved the album he made but weren’t clever or brave enough to release it, so Something In Construction stepped in and here I am, playing the CD with my feet up on a quiet Friday evening. I’ve just read the brilliant comic strip that came with the CD rather than a typically awful press release and I’m up to track seven.

Posted by Tee in Reviews, Albums & EPs.

WATCH! Some dumb white kid get his whip nicked whilst ghost riding it!! Funny!

WATCH! Some dummy ghost ride his jeep, fall off of it, and crash it inot a pole! PLUS! Some other dummy run himself over!

MORAL! Don’t dance with cars! There’s no point! They won’t have sex with you afterwards anyway!

PS - I think hyphy is great, unlike seemingly everyone here in New York, who thinks it’s dumb.

Part 1:

Spider-Man pants!

True story.

OK, go check this guy out. PPF discovered him. He is a bona fide G, and by living in a cave and and not having a watch proved that time, as we suspected, is (at least) in part a construct of the feeble manbrain. WORD!

Since PlayLouder edited it, here’s the full (and possibly overlong) Hoff interview. Enjoy!

Read more…

STUFF THAT IS ACE:

1: The new Meat Loaf record The Monster Is Loose. We are listening to it now, it is goliath.

2: Audio to jack cables. After a week of listening to music on our laptop speaker’s, this afternoon’s investment has brightened up our world. Now we can hear our music through the stereo, and it is awesome!

3: The Departed. We saw it last night down Union Square. Martin Scorsese is SO back! I was hating on dude after he let Leonardo DiCaprio ruin Gangs of New York. Thing is, the fat faced boy wonder is G-ed up like gangbusters in this. Even Matt Damon doesn’t suck! Come on! Jack Nicholson scared the crap out of me! Mark Wahlberg was hilarious! Etc! Best cast, best movie in TIME. POP! POP!

4: My David Hasselhoff interview. Read it on PlayLouder now!

Mayne, Lil Wayne is so good. I dunno who’s better right now, Lil Wayne or Young Buck, but Lil Wayne is totally awesome. Anyone heard the new Buck mixtape? I got a few joints, but I aint heard the whole thing yet. Someone send me a torrent link or something.

Anyway. Thank you all my lovey peoples who sent me that Chris de Burgh story. Turns out dude has healing hands. I am so not surprised. I bet I have healing hands too. I’m a work on that shit. ANYWAY! The thing comes from some interview he did on some religious TV show. A coupla different sites have spun a few angles from it. The BBC story finds our hero relating a tale in which he fixed a golfer’s knee with his magic hands, and a Sky news story finds The Crusader telling of fixing some crippled dude.

“I met someone in the West Indies who was not able to walk,” Chrissy told Gloria Hunniford. “I put my hands on him and he was able to get up.”

What a fucking G! Ms Hunniford aint doubting C da G’s claims neither. .”Why would he lie about such a thing?” she told The Sun.

Why indeed? Y’all doubters need to stop swigging on that Haterade and take a shot of Shutthefuckup. GET ME!

Speaking of which, I made a rottery of a discovery the other day. PPF was dissing me for fucking with Fiji, the finest bottled water known to man, as it comes all the way from - duh - Fiji, and is thus about as eco-friendly as Diddy’s pheromone spray. So I picked up a bottle of that Polish Spring shit that’s all over New York City like Kay Slay mixtapes. But I checked the label. Guess what? That shit aint nothing to do with Poland! It;s some fucking Nestle powdered tapwater shit! WEAK!

OK. I’m going to Brooklyn. Later.

You know the best thing about New York is?

Ellen’s Stardust Diner. A proper, American, 50s themed, boothed-up diner… with…

Singing

Waitstaff.

Serious! That place is awesome. The PPF and I were wandering Broadway in search of pancakes , and my Spider-Sense went off like a motherfucker. I wanna go there every night now. My burger was gorgeous, and PPF well liked her macaroni cheese. And just at the point where I figured I needed more pepsi, they offered me a refill! Awesome!

Anyway, all the waiters and waitresses take turns to sing at you. It’s kind of like American Idol crossed with Fat Rabbit Slim’s from Pulp Fiction. But a lot more romantic than that sounds. everything great about America is contained within, it warmed my heart and filled me with joy.

Indeed, I am liking it here. It is well easy to not notice the world going up in flames around us.

Today, clicking on a random couple of my MySpace friend requesters, I discovered…

CHRISTIAN GRIME!

It appears to be a pretty, pretty big sene. They have raves in churches and everything! Serious as fuck. Who’d a thunk it?

Wow, you go all the way to New York, and not only do you get some extra summer, but you find a bunch of terrapins in Central Park! HOW GANGSTA IS THAT?!

Indeed.

YEAH!

That’s what I say.

PS - New Jay-Z?

HMMMMMMMMMMMMM!

Wonder what Chuck D thinks.

My favourite bit is when he catches the fish at the end and bites into it, CHOMP!

I’m transcribing my chat with dude now. Here’s an exert:

“I’m working on a concert now, with Google, and they said, ‘you’re the most downloaded guy on the internet’. I said, no! And they said, ‘yes’. Well you see, they said, ‘more people are downloading, and trying to get information on you than anybody’ and he showed me, on one site, one night there was…”

OK, we all know how to Ghost Ride the whip… but what about the bus? According to the ever enlightening Urban Dictionary:

“When you ghost ride the bus you run along the side of the bus, because you don’t have enough money to get in…this is followed by stopping at each bus stop asking for spare change to get on.
nicole spent all her money on drugs, so she had to ghost ride the bus to work.”

Word.

I write to you via the wonders of modern mobile phone technology from seat 25F on the United Airlines flight 905 to New York from old London town. I am in cabin Y, in “economy plus”, whatever that is. The seating is adequate, and nobnody has sat next me yet.

I hope it stays that way. My elbows require space, and I am develping something of a grump. My senses are currently being assaulted by an Eric Clapton styled muzak rendition of Marvin Gaye’s ‘Sexual Healing’, which has sent my once proud penis scurrying up itself in terror. This is, perhaps, a clever move on the part of UA, as flight does quite terrifing things to the blood in my body - perhaps in revultion at the unatural process of sailing above clouds at terrifying sepeds in a metal can, it all decides to attempt escape via the end of my penis. So it goes. This is why my in flight reading is limited to Private Eye and Uncut - we want no stimulation whatsoever, thank you. The Royal We that is. Our trousers are old and delicate, and we don’t want to be scaring any old ladies and getting ourselves arrested.

Thinking about it, writing to you from here probably falls under some bizzarre anti-terror law or other. I shall cease immediately. I have exceedingly important things to do. Forsooth!

I dunno if anyone noticed, amidst all the dumb shit.

But America is dead.

We saw it coming. We knew it was already happening.

But now it is out in the open.

America is dead.

I’m gonna go have some nightmares now.

Goodnight.

Wow! My little brother Ali (who isn’t the one who does the animating and the graphic design, or the one who does the clever computery things and the World Of Warcraft) has taken up comedy acting. Check him and his studenty ass out! I was never a student, but had I been, we’d never have had poncey video editing equipment and studios! We’d have had COAL!

Yes indeed.

In other news Tom Robinson is a G, and not just because he wrote 2468 Motorway. He’s got the KLF’s The Manual on his website! You can read it online! FUTURE! AWESOME!

I wanted to read that all my life. Jeres lent it me recently, and I realised that I had, unwittingly, followed all their rules for making a number one single.

I didn’t follow all the rules for actually Getting it to number one though.

OOPS!

Yo, this is proper music journalism.

In other news, I am ill and scared. Whoo!

I seem to have been pissed off my face since Thursday, but at least I am the best DJ ever, eh?

Last night was indeed tremendous fun. I played lots of ace songs. You can see what, and in what order, in that there picture. Clever, non?

As for The Hoff - well, he is the tallest man I have ever seen. I came up to his balls, pretty much. He is very handsome and charming, has an ego the size of a small planet, and the lovelies eye crinkles this side of Jeres. Seems to be a whiskey and coke type of a dude. We spoke of rap music, German children, and the incredible beauty of the young Italian male (having never been, I will have to take The Hoff’s word on that one.

Aside from that, I did two photoshoots, one interview, and went on an accidental bender with Jeres, my online press lady Giovanna, and her young gentleman, who gave Jeres a worthy pool adversary. I was made to look relatively competent by Giovanna, who is really good at potting white balls. I woke up today in a heap on my tigers. Good times!

So, I have a day and a half left in this country before I get on a big metal bird and fly west for the autumn. As far as I recall, before then I gotta remix a song for the Bizzle, arrange another two for the self same, design a T shirt, record a single, render a mixtape, write and record a 16 for Madison, write and record a number one for BMG, clean my house, wash my clothes, pack my bags, and try and eat some food. I’ve been crap at food again lately. Wish me luck!

Oh, by the way - the people of this nation have no taste whatsoever, it seems. Apparently some morbid ditty by that cacophanous toff James “Rymes With” Blunt is the most played song at British funerals, according to The Bereavement Register. But it’s not all crap - I’ll Sleep When I’m Dead by Bon Jovi is at No.18, and Reach for the Stars by S Club 7 is at No.20. If I die tomorrow, please play The Ballad Of Jimi Hendrix by Stormtroopers Of Death at mine. WORD!

Yo, I’m gonna go hang out with Hassle The Hoff later today. I’m gonna ask him some questions about, like Ice T and stuff. If any of you have anything you want me, your friendly neighbourhood Donovan to ask Mr The Hasselhoff, leave it at the bottom of this message.

I will also be DJing at the Old Blue Last in Shoreditch tonight. It’s an SIC party featuring Christiansilva, Loney Dear and Emmy the Great live, and it is free. 8 ’till midnight.

In other news BET’s cultural genocide continues, Fat Joe has stopped biting Big Pun’s flow, and got into Jay-Z’s (off of the Hustlin’ remix, no less), and it is indeed really weird that we’re not going mas about the big dungeon of freaks in suits spying on us in fucking Trocadero.

I have not written for a small while, it is true. I finished that “mixtape” and celebrated by joining my mad eyed, house-seized Atlantan friend Trey at Lupe Fiasco’s Cargo gig. It was rather fun. I got drunk, Trey did some good natured wooing, and Lupe, displaying a rare foreknowledge of his foreign audience, spat something along the lines of,

Lupe
The new Jay
But when I’m in the UK
Call me the new Sway

Ho ho, we thought, and all was pritty good, until after four songs dude ran out of Kanye instrumentals to rap over, and took to rhyming half heartedy over his album tracks, raps and all, not even bothering to do anything with the choruses save wave his glasses about. But, despite the seeming unarsedness, dude was pretty charming. And he does spit with confidence, and clarity. Clarity is important. I mumble too much - but I have boundless energy. So I get away with it.

The next day, I was beavering away in my lab, when I got a message from Jimbob’s manager, giving me a heads up regarding the surprise Carter USM reunion at that night’s Barfly gig. I accepted the man’s generous invitation, and with much excitement, descended upon the foul carcass of Camden town. Jimbob was brilliant, Jimbob + Fruitbat etc. was beautiful, old Carter songs were a joy to hear… But it was the Jimbob solo songs that were the best, oddly: Feral Kids was oldpunk mastery, and Angelstrike was just fucking stunning - get your ass on iTunes or whatever and find that song, it is fucking immense.

I got disgustingly drunk that night too, ending up in a gay bar, oddly enough, upsetting my friend Luke by getting more unwanted attention than him, and the next day the hangover to insult all hangovers, laugh at their shoes and run off with their mum’s accompanied me on an arduous, confused, and expensive journey to Haye On Wye, where I missed The Goblin Wedding itself… but at least saw the speeches, and video footage of the young Goblin Baz doing intense and freakish Liam Gallagher impressions as a teenager. (Huw Stephens was indeed, an excellent, gracious, and considerate best man.) We were later treated to mid-twenties Liam Gallagher impressions, as the newlywed Goblin performed a cover version of Live Forever that moved Martin Carr to such an intense state of drunken emotion, he fled the building and fell on his arse in the mud, missing most of my acclaimed DJ set and ruining his lovely suit. And The lovely Goblin Bride herself, a vision of grace and lunacy, chainsmoking with zeal and weeping like a drunken newborn.

It should be noted that I forgot to dress posh for the wedding, and was thus the only boy there without a tie. And with a hoodie. But my acclaimed DJ set saved the day, quite frankly, so I would hope for my insulting attire and extreme tardiness to have been forgiven. I should also take the opportunity to thank Sweary Mary and Mashup Carr for saving my non-hotel-booking ass from a wet night sleeping in a barn. And to congratulate The Goblins on their beautiful day. A wedding is always a beautiful thing - even on a wet Saturday like yesterday, in this foul year of our lord, 2006, but a Goblin Wedding is like a school disco with more in the way of boobs and facial hair, and it will never be forgotten by any if us. Apart from, perhaps, Martin, who was so drunk I sincerely doubt if he remembers any of it. I for one, will be haunted by the memory of his remorselessly abrasive DJ set for the rest of my todd. And yo, there was a fucking double rainbow in Hay On Wye yesterday. DOUBLE RAINBOW for the Goblin Wedding! Amen.