Man, I fucking love this future business, it is fucking hilarious. Check the blog of one Michael Bay, director of such classics as Bad Boys, Armageddon, Bad Boys 2, and Pear Harbour.

Sample post:

Tuesday, March 29, 2005
Hottest Fetal Alcohol Syndrome Chick

Rachel Leigh Cook wins over Mena Survari and Christina Ricci.

RLC is on her way down, and speaking of going down, Rachel was asking about “work” lately. I said she should get double D’s. It’s good when a girl’s hungry for work, and by work I mean cock.

Wow. Mike Bay. Man. Tool of The World Bankers. Friend of womankind. Let’s keep this progressive! And a Pear Harbour sequel! Oh yeah!

I am having a rare evening away from the noise making to visit the opening of a new Robert Crumb exhibition in Whitechapel, old school free booze and ponces. Robert Crumb is my boy. He spent fucking years piggyback riding fat ladies around North America. OK!

This is pretty interesting - they’ve got microchips in some paralysed dude’s brain that let him turn on the TV by thinking. I guess he has to think really hard, like, “TV!” The bit that got me though, was this line:

“Studies have shown that monkeys can control a computer with electrodes implanted into their brain.”

WHOAAAAAAAAAAH! Shit!

“Monkeys can control a computer with electrodes implanted into their brain.”

Think about that! What are these monkeys doing, playing Tekken? Has Michael Howard hired them all? Etc.?

I was wrenched with some great violence from a dark and horrorful fever this morning, convinced I’d been in a fight or something, as my face was a good inch thicker all round, and my upper lip puffed out as if I were in possesion of some oversized gum sheild. You that mong face you pull when you’re seven? That was me.

Still is.

YES, I am thalking like a thpathtic with a face full of fat and hurt. Who will love me now, with a mongface? A lonely life of misery and soup through straws awaits. I suppose Mef comes well with a lisp. Maybe it won’t be so bad.

I don’t actually have a TV, but I want this anyway, because it looks like plumbery.

Hey, check out my heroine Cynthia McKinney grilling Rumsfeld about those Dyncorp Sex Rings, the missing Pentagon Trillions and those dodgy 9/11 Wargames on C Span! Hot!

I thought they were going to stick us in boxes. Looks like we don’t get boxes.

Hello, I am in the studio and my computer has been attacked by pro internet explorer animals killing my Mozilla.

Face was by earlier and dropped incredible fire on the Gravel Pit beat. ATD8 next week bitch!

This shit is going to come out and there is going to be bloody fucking revolution.

I feel sick.

Dont’ you?

Get it while the going is good, my brothers and sisters, whatever your it is.

RIP Adam’s ace coat that his Mam made. Last seen somewhere in Cardiff in the small hours, with a small person from a television show about the collapse of society.

Inbox

Cymru am Byth!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Gwilym Havard Davies

to rozblundell, Pollycann, cookiemonster_., clare …

More options Mar 21 (1 day ago)

Well, it is done. At last our generation finally know what it’s like to be the envy of the Rugby playing world. Saturday was the best day to be Welsh in our life-time, even if you weren’t lucky enough to be on home soil. I can’t imagine that there is a Welsh person living abroad who doesn’t feel a foot taller than everyone else today. From what I’ve read, the TV pictures gave a pretty good sense of what Cardiff was like on Saturday (though outside of Wales, you’d have had to have tuned into Rugby Special on Sunday night to have seen what it looked like on Sunday morning!). Even hours before the match had begun; the feeling in Cardiff was unlike anything I’ve ever experienced. Imagine how excited, anxious, proud and plain terrified you felt on Saturday, then imagine walking through the streets of our Capital surrounded by hundreds of thousands of people who felt exactly the same as you!

Probably the most emotional moment for me was the long walk across town from lunch to the stadium – I’d elected to take the lone ticket, mainly because I thought if this really was a date with destiny my Dad and brother should be sitting together, as they’ve had to endure the hard times together for longer, and also because I thought I’d be less nervous watching on my own! I allowed myself a good half hour to get across town, and as I walked along Mary’s Street in the sunshine (God had to be on our side!) the total sense of collective pride and anticipation already had me welling up. It was bizarre, it was almost as if for the first time I can remember, we dared to believe that no matter what, we were going to win today. And win we did. Aside from the inevitably nervous start, and a late Irish flourish Wales absolutely dominated the game. When Kevin Morgan went over and put us three scores ahead, the sensible part of us knew that the Slam was ours. But naturally being Welsh none of us could quite believe that the Irish wouldn’t somehow cheat defeat until the final whistle was blown. And when it was, everyone just hugged whoever was next to them and put every last scrap of energy into screaming at the top of their already hoarse voices. Then they hugged the person on the other side. Then they climbed over the seats to hug the people behind. And then… Well you get the picture. This was then followed by quite a lot of crying – especially the men, and a time to recompose yourself while they erected the podium. Then, once the cup was lifted, the entire process begun all over again. Then we all had a bit of a singsong with Max. No one left the stadium until around half an hour after the match had finished. As I left the stadium to go and meet the others it occurred to me that the celebrations and feeling was more like we’d won a war than a rugby match.

Cardiff at night was a bit like when they used to try and fill a Mini with as many people as possible on Record-Breakers. We all revelled hard and fast, I ended Clwb Ifor Bach, where I literally danced my trousers off - by the end of the night I had two rips in the knees and had a rip from the flies to the back belt line. My body finally gave in to exhaustion at around two thirty and walked back through town to Duggy & Hughseys flat, and the streets were still packed and by now beginning to show the strain. Given the state of my trousers, anywhere else in the country, I probably would have been arrested for indecent exposure, but by now Caerdydd was beginning to resemble an over populated safari park run by mental patients.

Sunday was a time for smiles, lunch in the bay, reflection, and watching the highlights. Topics of conversation included rugby, rugby and rugby. We bought all the news papers and dared each other to smell the Welsh shirts we’d worn the day before.

What a time! What a team! And a real feeling that this is the beginning of something rather than the end. This weekend there cannot have been a single person who had seen Cardiff on the TV and not wished they were part of what was happening. And if you’re Welsh – you were, even if you weren’t actually there!

Cymru am byth!

So, some douches went to see Nas at Brixton and shot the place up, cancelling the gig and ruining everybody’s nights, and ensuring riduculous security measures for future rap shows in the capital. NICE ONE DOUCHES. Jesus.

Y’all should go see my boy’s exhibition. There’ll be lots of those gross drawn on photos, innit, so be free and in London this Friday, March 25th, 7pm. It’s at London’s Art Academy ‘Subterranean’ Gallery @ 201 Union St, london, next door to the JerWOOd gallery. More info here.

I’m in the The Dairy with my man Matt again today. Right now we’re wacking Doggboy’s scratches on Clones, then we’re gonna finish that Moth tune and do Love Seen.

Wow, I got my gmail down to 30 messages. It looks nice now. If you emailed me at some point this year probably I emailed you back now. If not maybe you went in my spam, that’s still rammed and I’m afraid of it.

So! I have links.

My old pal MC Lars has been busy, and seems to be upping his game. I wonder what Jimmy Pop thinks.

Who says they have no sense of humour over on the right? those people are fucking hilarious. (did I post that already though? What a bad brain I have)

A worm powered synth exists.

Remebering the future.

Right, elves.

Wow, this band are really ace right? There are nine if them, which bodes well (think Wu, I usually do), and I really can’t be fucked to go through all the refferences, but for now, think Supertramp, 10 CC, Dr Feelgood and Rod Stewart when he was wicked. YUH!

Also really good is The Sov, but prolly you knew that. Somehow that managed to miss the top fourty, but then again, if Joss Stone can’t do any better than in at 32 when they just gave her the Brit Award for best black artists despite being, um, white, what can we expect for our minature raggamuffins? More proof that the UK top fourty chart is as indicative of the nations tastes as the Daily Express is.

Argh, Wade and Birddogg call me, rent is due tommorrow and I haven’t your money, neither have I enough to cover your skinny asses.

I think today was the first day of spring.

I spent most of it in here making the noises be at the right levels.

Things remain farcical at home. Running water has been reinstated upstairs, so we can flush the toilet, but we can’t use the bath yet. I haven’t had a shower since Saturday. My hair looks caveman fresh though.

Marek is building my super machine. Wade is going to LA with David. I am going to Wales to shoot a video for Patrick. My next single will be set in Miami.

commentary at Realest Niggas, but for now, this must surely be the sound of the bathtub overflowing?

Monday Night Fight Klub announced that it will host the “Battle of Four” if 50 Cent, Jadakiss, The Game and Fat Joe agree to participate.

Fight Klub, the underground emcee battle, proposes to amicably end the present beef by organizing a battle between the aforementioned feuding rappers. Borrowing a boxing match formula, the contestants would lyrically spar in front of a crowd for a grand prize of $1 million dollars. 50, Jada, Game and Joe have yet to agree to the battle.

Monday Night Fight Klub often provides a stage for upstart artists to gain exposure. Jin previously won a $50,000 battle at Fight Klub while Remy Ma’s buzz grew bigger when she defeated Lady Luck twice at the event and won a $20,000.

Today I am in The Dairy in Brixton recording new songs. They are well ace. I definitely ought to eat though. Oh, Mark Owen is in studio three.

Monkeys and computers are what we must fear.

M
O
N
K
Y
s

Funny things we learnt today:

Prince Harry has a weird sense of humour. (But so would you if your Dad wasn’t really your Dad and the person pretending to be your Dad had been involved in the murder of your mother and everybody you knew knew but you had to pretend you didn’t and neither did they, AND you weren’t allowed to smoke spliffs or punch photographers)

Mark Thatcher is being let off with a fine because he plead guilty.

The US has given up searching for those WMD’s we were lead into war over. Nobody seems to give a shit. Honestly, someone should shoot Blair in the face. I am not joking. Because he won’t resign. And he will do worse in the future.
In The Face

Creationism, under the hilarious moniker “intelligent design”, is to be taught in American schools. A CBS/New York Times poll conducted late last year found that 65% of Americans think this should be taught alongside evolution.

George W Bush, he say, “I don’t see how you can be president… without a relationship with the Lord.”

In non funny news, Wade and I saw a very lovely house today. Maybe we will live in it.

Also, it has been brought to my attention that I it hasn’t been “BST” since October (see below, and all posts since October). Oops.

Oh, more funny. Look what just threw itself up randomly at me on the BBC website.

Sophie sent me this shit but I have to share it with you. Gonzo’s Allmusic page, spookily, claims his real name to be Sacha Baron Cohen. I say spookily as I have NEVER SEEN THEM IN THE SAME ROOM. Gonz retired just before Borat appeared. Think about it.

SPOOKS.

I have made a new song every day this week. I haven”t been out since last Saturday, which was an excellent time, and I have smoked a lot of weed.

I have an inbox full of scorn at my strange suspicion that those benefitting most from the events of September 11th might just have had something to do with it (check this hilarious read regarding the US and Pakistan’s pre-911 preppoing! Ludicrous. I am considering shaving my head.

While Fiddy and The Game squash their squinty eyed beef, Arab and Jewish emcees go at it.

In my stats page, that tells me half my bandwith dissapeared last night because somebody stuck one of my gay pictures on their avatar and frequents some giant Canadian community where 30,000 people at a time communicate purely by the posted image… In that page, I get a top ten search terms thing, that tells me what the people who end up at my site were looking for. People are strange.

1 16.67% akira the don
2 2.78% stunners international
3 2.78% wade crescent
4 1.85% akira the don drinking song
5 1.85% digihad
6 1.85% hot 97 the game diss freestyle
7 1.85% jackie o feat. ying yang twins
8 1.85% oye micanto de nore
9 0.93% 50 cent-this is how we do copy and paste
10 0.93% aftermath music gametime
11 0.93% akira lane
12 0.93% akira the don samples
13 0.93% all i want for christmas is to get crunk
14 0.93% adam alphabet cunt
15 0.93% arena magazine abi titmus
16 0.93% belina carlisle
17 0.93% bloods and crips talking about getting shot
18 0.93% margo stilley hardcore pics
19 0.93% christmas freestyle rapping
20 0.93% cibelle photos

Man, those Tories are nuts, yo. Firstly, Moth alerts me to this site, which claims to be some tactical voting thing, but you’ll notice it only ever seems to tell you to vote Tory (apart from when I put in MY postcode and it tells me to vote goddamn Dianne “I sent my kids to posh school” Abbot). HMMMMMMMMMMMM. Whiffy.

Second, I get home yesterday from a delightful photo screening and sausage fest at Luke and Holly’s to a pile of shiny Tory papers and postcards and sticky-less stickers. I found the whole lot so offensive I was temporarily tempted to vote Labour, of all the freakish things. All sorts of poisonous stuff about “controlled immigration” and how those evil Lib Dems want to educate children on EVIL SEX from age seven (OH NO WHAT A FUCKING STUPID IDEA, THEN THYE MIGHT, LIKE, UNDERSTAND IT, AND SHIT) and give away condoms. But the best bit as how the whole thing focused on that nutty statistic that says a third of all children in this country leave primary school without being a ble to read and write properly. Then check all the forlorn missing apostrophes above. TRAGIC. So I emailed the man, expecting at least some decent response. I had a dangerous bet on with my little brother. Forsooth:

Inbox

“Educashun”

Adam Alphabet
to ertan.hurer

Dear Ertan

I arrived home this evening to a messy doormat from which pouted your not wholly-unpleasant, yet slightly sickly looking face, amid much bluster about children leaving primary school “unable to read and write properly” and how a Tory government would sort all that out. I wonder, then, if I were to vote Tory, and if so too did my neighbours, would we be spared future insults to the mighty apostrophe such as those to be found on the reverse of your postcard?

Or would our current suspicion - that to leave the education of our children in the hands of remedial greedheads such as yourselves would be not only wholly irresponsible, but also deeply stupid - be the correct one?

Yours in wonder

Adam Narkiewicz

Ertan Hurer
to me

Dear Adam,

Thank you for your e-mail.

I take it you’re not a supporter!

Regards

Ertan Hurer

Adam Alphabet
to Ertan

Goddamn it Ertan! I made a pact with my younger brother, that if you sent a decent response, I’d vote for you. Well you fucked up now! Goddamn man!

Oh Well.

Adam Narkiewicz

PS - In addition, you have piqued my curiosity with all that scaremongering bluster about the Liberal Democrats ushering in tidal wave of teenage ruttery with their sex education from seven and condoms free for all thing - how, do you wonder, could children knowing more about it from responsible adults possibly encourage them to do it even more than they already do? Do you think pretending it doesn’t exist will help? Were you never a child yourself?

I look forward to my reply, obviously.

ATD7 is online. RIP HST.

Contains:

Sage Francis VS The Verve - Slow Down Symphony (Akira The Don Mix)
Akira The Don feat. Nasty, Swiss & Bird Dogg - Dreams
Scarface - The G Code
Snoop Dogg, Pharell, Jay-Z & Akira The Don - Drop It Remix
Jay-Z - Freestyle (Game diss)
Greenday VS The Game - I Love Telling People To Suck My Dick
Loco Locas - Lib
De Pauvres Riches - Unknown
Akira - N’importe Quoi
The Cat Empire feat Shaggy - Hello
Foreign Beggars feat Skinnyman - Hold On
Cam’ron & the Diplomats - We Built This City
Fat Joe - The Incredible
Unknown - Jin And Juice
Missy Elliot & Jay-Z VS Deftones - Back In The Days (Birddogg mix)
Scarface - Recognise (Bird Dogg mix)
Oxide & Neutrino - Rap Dis
Wet Love feat. Rrl Grey - Joanna’a Tune
Nasty Crew feat Crazy Titch Paug & Boyz N The Hood - Cock Back
Birddogg VS Outkast - BOB (Mullholand Drive Remix)
Virtuoso feat. Slaine - Farenheit 911
Klashnekoff - Our Time
Virtuoso feat. Slaine - Farenheit 911
Klashnekoff - Our Time
Virtuoso feat. Slaine - Farenheit 911
Joe Budden feat Birddogg - Through The Wire
KRS One - The Blunt Song
De LA Soul feat MF Doom - Rock Co.Kane Flow
Ludacris & Talib Kweli - Huntin Season
The Miss Jones In The Morning Show Players - The Tsunami Song
Zef - Snail
Jin - Freestyle (Dissing Hot 97)
Nas - Imagine
Akira The Don VS Nas, Candi Stanton & Europe - Zombieface Countdown

VIDEO ON ROUTE!

Looking swell it is. Rite? I drew Birddogg, who I have always founf tricky to do, as he has few obvious distinguishing characteristics, being sort of tall and handsome and all.

Heat is on. I gotta get that done, a new mixtape, and a bunch of tunes before I go to Americaland later this week.

Gadaggadagga.

Buy ray guns! And shityourpants weaponry! Future!

So, they killed Hunter, because he was getting pretty deep into this shit.

Hunter had exactly the same reaction as me to 911. I was laughed at for that also. How long before this cyst bursts?

I fucking knew it.

They killed Hunter.

Whoo! I am a milk carton! I am a milk cartoon!

What it was, is, I see’d my little brother peeping some dancing milk cartons, you know, like the one from that Blur video. I peeped them here innit. They were all dressed up and super dope. I liked the Clan one best.

Anyway, so I’m like, wow, they’re awesome, and my little brother’s like, of the guy who makes them’s into you innit, I’ll get him to do you one. So he does. FUTURE!

So, yeah, big up Dan Abnormal, the maker of the milks. Apparently he does requests - his email’s on his site. You should do some of Milk & Cheese innit, that would be the coolest thing in the world.

Fiddy and The Game are squashing the beef today.

SAFE.

RIP Biggie Smalls.

Man oh man, I stayed up all night reading about The Game and Fiddy and Paul Wolfwitch, and had the most horrendous nightmares you can inagine.

Still. The shithot new mixtape we dun did, ATD7, is ready, and will hit your cables on Friday morning. BUT I KNOW YOU CAN’T WAIT! So, here is a preview. It’s Birddogg’s Lynchian remix of Outkast’s BOB. It is HOT.

Be lucky.

WHOAH!

The Game WINS this thing already.

WHOAH!

I said, leaned back like Crack, and lo I do post this bitch in its ENTIRETY.

KSFM 102.5 FM is back with ANOTHER interview! We just hooked up with Game for an exclusive interview where he told us about his current beef with 50 Cent and G Unit and how this will effect his beefs with other artists as well as his label situation and Dr. Dre. Check out what he had to say!

DJ Wreck: Game tell us what happened on Hot 97 with Funkmaster Flex in NYC on the radio?

Game: Basically 50 tried to air out all our dirty laundry on the radio. This was no place to be talking about internal issues that were going on at that time but he did what he did and decided to air me out like that. One thing that Curtis Jackson needs to realize is that when you call someone an outsider that means you really don’t know them. You know what I mean? He doesn’t know me and now he will pay the price for what he has done. I put that on God.

DJ Wreck: Did you see any of this coming or did this stun you as much when you heard it at the time?

Game: I knew 50 had problems at the time. It wasn’t that all the problems were with me per say. I knew he had issues with Dre, Aftermath, and all the people you hear him calling out on his records. The dude is a joke man. I mean all this lets blame Game for everything is totally just a front. He got bigger problems. He want to fill Pacs shoes. He once said to Ja that Pacs shoes were to big for him to wear. I feel that wore Ja’s shoes. 50 is a singing ***** trying to benefit off of Eminem and getting shot nine times and living off of other peoples legacies and accomplishments. His career is on a downward spiral. You will see. After this album, he aint going to be the same rapper you see now. He still is affiliated with Jimmy, Eminem, and Dre. Sooner or later he is the one that will have to stand alone and you will see he won’t.

DJ Wreck: Game, what was the real beef you guys had. It was always rumored that Buck was the closest to you in G Unit and that Lloyd Banks never ever saw eye to eye with you. What really happened?

Game: Banks is a little pansy. I am sorry. The dude so feminine it aint even funny. I can see why he 50’s little girl. I mean we on the radio so I aint gonna say what Banks really is. He was always intimidated to roll with a ***** from Compton and someone who would bring 300 bloods with him to a venue or to NYC. Buck and me were cool on a musical level and I had love for him till he aired me out. He chose his side. I gotta smash him like I gotta smash the rest of them clowns. I really believe that 50 was right about the jealousy factor. It was him who was jealous of me. He wanted to be the 2005 Game but what he really saw was Game was the 2003 version of 50 Cent. He couldn’t handle that and then the division got worse.

DJ Wreck: What about the rumors that you guys faught that you supposedly started, I mean is that at all accurate because this one is one that a lot of cats are talking about?

Game: Yea it happened. He can deny it but we got into a heated argument over 50 and his beef with Nas. I told him that it’s between you all. I told him I don’t want any part of that beef. He was loaded at the time. Curtis would have you believe he doesn’t consume any alcohol but he got a little to big for himself and approached me. I basically took my hand and slapped his face away from me. A few cats got in and it was over. It goes back to he thinking he bigger and more powerful then anyone. I don’t run from beef but I aint trying to get into beefs I got nothing to do with. I got dragged into plenty of beefs in my time and I don’t need this one. I will tell everyone out there now that this Joe Budden and Domination beef was strictly for that clown. It wasn’t on no me vs them. It was never about me. I fought his battles that he wasn’t man enough to fight in. 50 and the G Unit are cowards.

DJ Wreck: That Domination and Bang em Smurf beef got intense there where at one point he was talking and laughing about the murder of Billboard and you were making comments about Dominations cousin Freaky Tah. That could have gotten out of control where someone could have got hurt.

Game: It did get out of control. I thought someone would die over that. I only beefed with them because of 50. Thats it. I even stated that many times that I had nothing against them cats till they called me out on wax. Then I came at them and it got to the point where it was getting serious. Not to many people know this but this was actually squashed in D.C. I ran into Domination and he was about 100 deep and I was about 100 deep and guns were about to be drawn but we talked and I told dude we can handle it however. He said that he riding for Bangem and before it was going to end up in gunfire we said that this really is 50 Cent and his beef. Domination said don’t ride for that cat and I said I got no problems with you as long as you keep my name out your mouth. We did what we did and it was over.

DJ Wreck: So your beef with Domination was officially squashed? I was wondering because after his last underground track ” put it in your mouth “, I noticed you didn’t retaliate.

Game: I didn’t because that is when I seen dude in D.C. We almost had it out and we actually squabed because thats how I do it. He got some good shots in and I threw a few snuffs and it was done. No problems now. It got back to 50 and again it was something that he didn’t like that I squashed but again unless you are trying to kill me, I am taking beefs seriously. It’s funny you should mention Domination because I got a response record to that clown 50 and I am putting Domination and Bang Em on that track with me.

DJ Wreck: What about Dre in all this? Where does he stand?

Game: Dre? I talked to Dre last night for two hours and he can speak for himself and I agreed to let him do that. Just to let you know though, I am on Aftermath and aint going anywhere. Me and Dre are from Compton and we are tight and he backs and supports me all the way. Dre is like an icon to me and he told me not even to trip. I aint trippin but Dre will release a statement on this when the time is ready. I know you want something now but I can’t give it to you.

DJ Wreck: Will you have a diss track out on 50 and how does this effect your other beefs?

Game: First off, I deaded all my beefs. Me and Jigga are cool. I have been done with Buddens. I got no issues with Domination now. As far as Yukmouth and Gonzoe, they would have to squab before we end that. I can’t respect Yuk for being a two faced little coward. He talks a gang of mess but he will have to see me in the streets as well as his puppet Gonzoe. When I beat the tar out of both of them then we can go out for drinks afterwards. I got no other beefs that I am concerned with. I will get at dude both on and off wax. 50 Cent, this isn’t Ja Rule. I ain’t Jada or Nas either. You done crossed a Compton G and where ever you go you will see red rags and Cedar and we will be on you. I got soldiers out there thats willing to put in work. You have to see me at some point. No apologies no retreat and no surrender.

WOW.

They’re so getting rid of them now.

As for those fool Liberal Democrats who never showed for the vote, rendering these Lords, for once, useful… how much were they paid? And why is it when you search “fuckwit” in Google you get John Prescott and not Charles Kennedy?

Or, for that matter 50 Cent.

So, when the Game was in Amsterdam, shouting “fuck Jay-Z, G g g g G Unit!” I just had this perfect mental image of 50 sat at home hearing it on the internet and slapping his forhead. Thus it came as little surprise to hear 50′d kicked him out. Live on the radio.

A little more of a surprise is how long its been going on.

And then sadness, for poor The Game said “G G G G Gee OooNIT” all over the world, and backed up 50 in his beefs with Ja Rule, and who had Game’s back when Memph Bleek and Yukmouth were hammering his name?

Saddest though, was The Game, being questioned about the disses coming his way from G Unit, saying the only member he was “100 % cool with” was Young Buck, who just so happened to be on the other side of town saying of the Compton native, “he’s just a rapper, he don’t live it, man.” Buck then asked Daddy 50 if he wanted him to “take care of” The Game, and his lovely scowly face.

Game responded at a show shortly afterwards.

MEAN! Jealously and meanness, and another perfect example of the weird nature of Boy. You don’t catch girls doing this sort of thing. Check this interview with 50, it really made me sad, thinking of him all alone in his 18 room mantion, worrying his poor head about selling less records than he did last time round, crying into his million dollar pillows. Then check grown ass Mel Man’s side.

Still, I’m looking forward to that Game and Nas record now. And the Jada and Joe Crack tracks. (Crack on 50 - “My job is to make hot records so people can be entertained. My job is not to be in the paper affiliated with all this ruckus. That’s not what I’m with. I’m into giving the kids computers. I’m into running basketball programs in the summer so they can meet their favorite NBA players. Basically the ‘Piggy Bank’ is just to create hype, to create sales for [50’s] career… [that] I don’t appreciate being a part of.”)

That shit is entertaining. But, like my boys Ox and Neuts said, when is everybody going to stop getting shot? And what’s the likelihood of the king going uncrowned, when the judges are people like, um, this kid here I’m about to copy paste…

Dear lord.

What it is, is was AllHipHop.com got an “old head” and a “young cat” to review the new 50 album by messneger. Read it and weep, peep.

Old Head (11:05:03 PM): Can we agree that 50 is singing too much? This singing is outta control. He dis Ja for that.
Old Head (11:05:21 PM): 50 can rap but he sounds forced.
Young Cat (11:05:54 PM): yeah he’s singing 2 much , but while I’m saying that, I’m singing right along wit ‘im.
Old Head (11:06:32 PM): I’m fast forwarding while you and him are singing.
Young Cat (11:06:39 PM): lol
Young Cat (11:07:10 PM): I can remember it, that’s the good thing
Old Head (11:08:02 PM): You can remember it? So you want the most simple stuff in your music?
Old Head (11:08:24 PM): That’s what Sesame Street and the “ABC’s song” is for!
Young Cat (11:08:53 PM): yeah, why it gotta be so complex 4? I got to focus on other things, why sit and wonder when I just get the words right in my face?

My A & R has been expressing worries about people like Young Cat not being able to understand my accent.

AHAHAHAHAHAHA.

I mean, I know America is doing its best to make monkeys of its young men, attentive, subsurvient lapdopgs of its girls. I know were are in the end days, because they’re gonna let Paul Wolfowitz run the world bank.

I was going somewhere with this.

Ah well.

I heard Jimmy squashed it.

Let us hope so.

You know what made me happy? When I heard The Game, a blood, bought his block, and runs his Black Wall Street company from the same Compton corner shop he used buy his blunts from, employing crips and bloods and his uncle Jerry. Then I hear it got shot up by Crips.

I was thinking about 50 getting pissed off that Interscope were prioratising The Game’s album, all alone in his mansion, The Game getting shot at in the hood that he bought, and Ice Cube, who wrote Stay True To The Game.

“Now you crossed over on MTV/ but they don’t care/ they’ll have a new nigga next year.”

Yeah, they will.

Bwah ha ha ha ha.

BWAH HA HA HA HA HA HAAAAAAAAA!

I got my bag back.

After days of being dicked about by train companies, I made it to Cardiff, where I was met by dear Mike Kruger and my BAG, complete with laptop. And passport. And masters. And stuff.

And those cancerous crisps were gone.

Whoo hoo!

I am still concerned about those cancerous crisps. I still haven’t replaced my cancerous phone. There is enough cancerous wireless about as it is.

I hope you were all nice to your mothers yesterday (and didn’t give her cancerous crisps). I showed up at mine’s at 11 or so, after she’d gone to bed, as I am a genius.

So, the Welsh Music Awards was most certainly a time. I did not win, but Birddogg and I enjoyed our performance very much, as, it seemed, did the Welsh Music Industry.

We had a table right at the front, by the GLC’s, but they got kicked out for smoking weed, so it wasn’t too rowdy.

Afterwards everybody went to a very nice underground kaleidescope type of a thing, where Gwil was rude to TV presenters and members of Cardiff FC, and everybody bought me drinks so I was much drunker than I tend to be nowadays.

So, anyway, what it was was, at around 4 or 5am, and suddenly I had left the club, lost my peoples, and I was having a row with Pancho out of Dirty Sanchez about, something or other, then I was wandering around Cardiff, freezing cold and ranting at the traffic, realising that I’d managed to lose my favourite coat, my amazing blue denim Akira jacket that my MAMMY MADE, and my bag, in which were 9 cans of Stella Artois, 6 pockets of Walkers (potentially cancerous), my laptop, the master CDs for my next EP, various letters of great importance, and, I just realised, my bank stuffs, and my PASSPORT.

Rubbish yes. I lost my phone last week as well. I had no numbers on me. So I was lost. I ranted and raged and felt awfully sorry for myself for a little while, wandering the streets of Cardiff in the freezing morning, drunk. But then I became settled with my lot, and started plotting ways to jump rains back to London and get a jacket with no money.

But then, as the sun swooped high and punctured my bloodshot eyeballs, salvation! Golden arches! MacDonald’s! Internet!

And lo, it was true. And I internetted, and found a number, and made a call, and soon it came to pass that I was reunited with my peoples, and did collapse in the bed of a man called Moo, and have still not been able to find out if my bag is in the cloakroom of that cute mirrored hole in the ground, or the bowels of SATAN.

Amen.

ATD7 is DONE, people. It’ll be online next week, even though I usually post it as soon as its done, because it’s being pressed up and stuff as well, and it’s going to be streamable for you people up mountains and shit.

Might post a track from it in a bit though…